Support: Why Do Some People Only Feel Supported When They Are Pleasing Others?

Each and every one of us is interdependent and this means that not only do we want to be supported by others, but that we also need to be; with it being it being vital for our own survival and our ability to thrive. The ideal is going to be for one to feel supported for who they are.

There is then no need for them to lead a life of complete compromise and bending over backwards just to feel that they can exist, let alone thrive.

When one does feel supported for being who they are, there is not going to be the need for them to wear a mask and to play an act. They are going to experience inner wellbeing and their general outlook about themselves and life is going to be empowering.

And this will be a lot easier than having to play a certain role in order to receive; one can relax into who they are and not feel pressured to do or be anything. It won’t be necessary for one to practically leave their body in order to do the ‘right thing'. They can be in their body and do what is right.

Value

From this is going to enable one to experience a sense of value and importance. This won’t be an exaggerated version though; it will be a balanced and healthy outlook. Just like a tree that is getting the support it needs to not only survive, but to grow even bigger.

The tree doesn’t need to pretend it is a flower in order to receive the right support, it can be a tree and that is all it has to do. Nothing more is expected of the tree and it can continue to follow its own nature.

The Difference

Although some people feel this way and have this outlook, it is not something that everyone can relate to. And instead of one believing that they can be who they really are and be supported for doing so, they will feel that this is not possible.

So instead of one embracing their true self and each action that they take being an expression of it, they are like a tree that is trying to be a flower. They are might look good on the outside and cause other people to like them and even admire them, but it doesn’t reflect their true nature.

Something’s Missing

And one could have come to the understanding that they only feel supported when they are doing what others want or this could be something that takes place just out of their awareness. But whether they are completely aware of it or not, it is going to create a lot of suffering.

To see other people who are doing what they want and are being supported for it, is bound to press ones buttons. One could believe that other people have something they don’t and this could cause one to feel: angry, frustrated, jealous, envious, powerless and hopeless.

Areas Of Life

There is going to be different degrees to this and some people are going face this challenge in all areas of their life. For others, it could be something that just impacts a certain area. This could involve someone having a career that doesn’t match up with their true values and yet, it is the only way that they are able to support themselves financially.

Ones relationships may be another area where one acts in ways that are out of alignment with their true self. So they end up getting some of their needs met, but this comes at a great price to their own wellbeing.

Dependence

When one doesn’t feel this support, it is likely to mean that they feel dependent on others. Self reliance is then going to be a challenge and one could end up in relationships where they feel controlled and unable to exercise their own free will.

On one side it causes them to feel trapped and powerless and yet on the other side, it will seem to be the only way that they can survive. So this is never going to be something that one can completely accept.

Idealisation

What one has not realised within themselves is going to be what they admire in others, just as what one has rejected within themselves is what they are likely to judge in others. So, when one comes across people who are being supported for who they are, one could end up putting them on a pedestal.

They could be seen as being more than human and superior in some way. This is a natural occurrence and what causes problems is when one stays stuck in this outlook. If the other person is seen in this way, then one is going to feel that they are missing something.

A Deeper Look

But while one person might appear to have something that one doesn’t have, this is just an illusion. They are different, but this difference is not inherent, it relates to how they see life. And how they see life is a reflection of their beliefs, thoughts and feelings.

Now, one could believe that they can’t be supported for who they are as a result of what has happened in their adult life, but it is what happened in their childhood years that is likely to have had the biggest impact.

Childhood

It is here that one is going to learn if their needs and wants are important or not. And one thing that can stop this from taking place is when a role reversal occurs. Here, a child becomes the adult and the adult becomes the child. The needs of the caregiver/s take precedence and the child needs end up becoming ignored and denied.

So one is then brought up to believe that they can only survive by pleasing others and their need and wants are not important. One could feel guilty and ashamed for having them. This is also going to create a lot of emotional pain and cause one to be emotionally stuck.

Awareness

All the time one has these beliefs and feelings, their reality will stay the same. These beliefs will need to be changed and the feelings from these early emotional experiences that stayed trapped in their body will need to be released.

This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or some kind of coach. Reading up in this area will also cause one to question their beliefs and to increase their self awareness.