The Coaches on the Edge Demand a Day Off. Thank You Very Much.

elizabeth: I want a day off. I am sitting here typing these words but inside my little head I am complaining in a rather whiny, pissed off, juvenile voice that I want the day off. I want to be given the day off without guilt. For the last 2 years, I have been telling myself that if I take a day my coaching business will cease (well, thanks to the economy …), my stories will dry up and my dying words will make a thunderous noise as they plummet back to earth, and I will be missing an animal or two because of the dust that rivals bunnies in the reproduction department will take over my abode. I want a day off.

Laurie: I actually took a day off. Really it’s starting to look like two days. Of course, it was forced but it was still off. On my regular Saturday morning shopping spree I noticed I was walking into things and sneezing every five minutes. I decided to give into this half-assed cold (only the right nostril seems to be effected) and call it a sick day. And boy, did I wallow in that concept! No walking 20 blocks (or even the penalty of treadmilling it in place of walking), no healthy cooked food (crap only, thank you very much), and no weekend chores. How does sitting on the sofa watching all the shows I’ve taped but never have time to watch sound? Yeah, I thought it would drive me crazy too but I realized that I loved it. And if I fell asleep in the middle of what I was watching, I could rewind thanks to my groovy DVR. There is now a permanent indentation on my couch where my ass fits perfectly and I’m headed there again today. Wallowing does not seem to be the cure for my dastardly cold but I’m not making any snap judgments here.

elizabeth: There used to be a thing called the Blue Law in this country. On Sundays you took the day off. If you were of the Jewish faith, you took Saturday as your Sabbath. I remember the only things you could do on Sunday is go to church under protest and then play with the neighborhood kids or hang around and annoy your parents. My parents didn’t work that day. On, wait a minute. My father didn’t work that day. My mother worked less but she had to make sure her seven children didn’t sit in the pews at church in a state of nakedness. We had to make sure we had enough candy, soda, comic books and the like because on Sunday if you ran out of it, you were out of luck. The Blue Law prohibited the sale of pretty much everything. And maybe that was a good thing.

Laurie: I did the regular sprint to Jersey Saturday morning, taking into my hands my life and those of my passengers. If I was walking into things due to a screwed-up equilibrium, can you imagine how bad my driving must have been? But it had to be a Saturday morning because one of my favorite stores is in Bergen County. Unlike elizabeth below, I would like to say “Damn, Bergen County!” How dare you declare that anything that can’t be bought in a grocery store will not be for sale on Sundays? What kind of archaic crap is that? What about people who have too many things to do on Saturdays and would like to slide into Sundays? What about people with colds in their right nostrils? Don’t you people care about making money and the convenience of the consumers?

elizabeth: Nowadays everything is 24/7. To slow down to appreciate a sunrise or sunset or to listen to some music in the horizontal position is looked upon as not being able to keep up with the hyperventilating Joneses. I am a champion when it comes to multitasking. If I can do a dozen things at one time, I feel I deserve to be around other human beings. But lately I have discovered that I am crabby, overworked, and resentful and I miss taking a book to read for the sheer pleasure of hearing what some other clever person thinks. And of course if I go for a walk, I have to make sure I reach 10,000 steps or else. I can’t just walk from Point A to Point B without failing in some way. Mindlessness is the work of the devil. Well, Hello Mister Satan (I am assuming that he is a guy), my name is elizabeth…..I’d like to get to know you better.

Laurie: Books are highly overrated. I went to college at night and worked full time during the day. For eight years I never read a newspaper or opened a book that you couldn’t find it the college bookstore. And look how great I turned out.

elizabeth: Bergen County in New Jersey is one of the last holdouts when it comes to enforcing the Blue Law. Whether white collar or blue, nothing much is opened on Sundays. People are demanding some peace and quiet. Smart thinking on the part of the politicians who were just arrested for accepting bribes. I hear prison is not that quiet but it’s always good to have a little extra cash behind bars. If you get my drift.

Laurie: If they would open their stupid stores on Sundays, they wouldn’t have to take so many bribes.

elizabeth: I am taking the rest of the damn day off. Starting tomorrow.

Laurie: Uh, we’re doing our radio show tomorrow.