Do you ever judge yourself for being judgmental towards another? Do you look back at actions, words, or thoughts you had in your younger years, or last week, and then criticize yourself? Have you ever felt ashamed that you can't live your highest truth and value system at all times? Most of us, even when attempting to live the high road, do all of these things at times. If you determine transforming judgmentalness into acceptance is one of your goals, how do you move to a new place in consciousness?
A simple solution is to learn to be the observer and at the same time keep tuning into your desire to change any unwanted thought, pattern, or action. Have an intention to be mindful and aware as much of the time as possible. Observe and be present with what is - seeing yourself and others doing things you like, as well as those you do not like. The things we don't like, trigger our belief system, our conditioning, and our wish for things to be different - enter value-judging.
Any time we use shoulds and oughts it is a clue to where we are being judgmental. If you think you should do something, ask yourself, who is it that thinks you should. Many times you will hear the voice of one of your parents. Then, if you catch yourself thinking you should have done something in the past, remind yourself to let it go. It is right now today and irrelevant what you could have done in the past. If you observe places where you wish you had done something different, simply use it as a goal for the direction you are moving. You will always get another chance to put the new value in place and improve, as our patterns repeat until such time as we transform them.
Another aspect of changing our value-judging self is to learn and practice tolerance. This is not easy when people think and act differently than we do. Remember, we all are at the effect of our conditioning and the beliefs instilled in us when we were young. We have to conform to these ideas to survive. You as a thinking adult now have the power of choice and tolerance is a choice that will move you to the high road.
It is also important to practice loving kindness and forgiveness. Each time we are disappointed in ourselves it is important to be kind and loving with our mind-talk, where the judging begins. Remind yourself to practice forgiveness to ease the mind. Tell yourself supportive things such as, "I did the best I could under the circumstances. I choose to forgive myself. I now picture how I will do it differently when a similar situation arises again." Love and forgiveness are keys to letting go of judgementalness.
Being a self-aware human involves growing and evolving. If we were already fully conscious beings, we would not need the experiencing process to grow and learn and heal and transform. Transforming judgementalness is seen now as one of the many lessons to learn in life, nothing to be critical or ashamed about. Awareness is the first step in change, so observe yourself. As you treat yourself better, you will automatically pass this to others. Evolve your consciousness with your intention to catch yourself being judgmental and then commit to making a change.
Suzanne E. Harrill, M. Ed., LPC empowers individuals to build awareness, heal self-esteem, create satisfying, life-enhancing relationship, and to grow spiritually.
Suzanne’s Counseling and Writing:
•Encourages inner worth and healthy self-esteem
•Facilitates self-discovery, self-awareness, and inner healing
•Builds rich meaningful relationships
•Supports managing life challenges and transitions
•Helps one manage life challenges–divorce, illness or depression (within self or a family member), retirement, caring for elderly parents, dealing with adolescents
•Encourages creativity, confidence, and inner self expression through art and journal writing
Suzanne’s unique and intuitive approach, along with her warmth, combine to provide a personal, loving, and engaging experience which inspires others in their process of self-healing through inner work. Many of her clients see her as their fairy godmother, as in her book, Enlightening Cinderella, providing insights and support for inner healing, awareness, and transformation.
For over 30 years, Suzanne has facilitated the growth and awareness of many people through counseling, writing, teaching, and professional speaking. On a personal note, Suzanne has been married since 1966, has three grown daughters, and is a grandmother. She enjoys watercolor painting and creating original stained glass pieces.