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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***Does Your Morning Routine Support Your Creativity? - by Submitted on May 25, 2012 from Margaret PaulHave you decided that you are not creative? Do you feel a deadness regarding creativity? “Everything about the way we start our day runs counter to the best conditions for thinking creatively,” wrote Annie Murphy Paul in an article entitled “Why Morning Routines Are Creativity Killers.” ...
Views: 21 - ***Can You Love Others? - by Submitted on May 17, 2012 from Margaret PaulWhat is loving to yourself and others is not always clear. This article presents some important questions to consider. "Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you." Wayne Dyer, Author ...
Views: 57 - ***Is There Such A Thing As Healthy Narcissism? - by Submitted on May 03, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Discover that 'healthy narcissism' is an oxymoron! ________________________________________ All of us have an ego wounded self who is narcissistic to one degree or another. For the purpose of this article, I am defining narcissism as abandoning ...
Views: 74 - ***Finally! Studies Prove That Spanking Doesn’t Work - by Submitted on May 03, 2012 from Margaret Paul“A new analysis concludes that spanking fails to alter kids' behavior in the long term. What it does instead is amp up their aggression.” From “Why Spanking Doesn’t Work,” by Bonnie Rochman |@brochman | February 6, 2012 http://healthland.time.com/2012/02/06/why-spanking-doesnt-work/?hpt=hp_t3 ...
Views: 162 - ***Authenticity, Transparency and Integrity - by Submitted on Apr 23, 2012 from Margaret PaulDo you know how to discern when someone is being transparent and authentic and when they are being duplicitous? We seem to be living in a time when authenticity and transparency are not highly valued. We have only to look at government and many government agencies such as the FDA, politics, ...
Views: 152 - ***Do You See The Obstacle Or The Goal? - by Submitted on Apr 23, 2012 from Margaret Paul________________________________________ Where does your mind generally go - to the obstacles or to the goal? You CAN change your mindset if it is stopping you from having what you want. ________________________________________ Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your ...
Views: 123 - ***Giving To Others: Draining Or Fulfilling? - by Submitted on Feb 29, 2012 from Margaret PaulGiving to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in life, or it can be one of the most draining. What makes the difference?The difference has to do with WHY you are giving to others.Giving From A Full HeartWhen we give from a full heart, we are giving because we are so filled up ...
Views: 355(2 votes) - ***Your Own Inner Work Affects the Whole World! - by Submitted on Feb 23, 2012 from Margaret Paul"Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean." - Johann Wolfgang von GoetheWhat would happen if we each learned to take 100% responsibility for our own feelings and needs - learning to attend to our feelings with compassion for ourselves, and ...
Views: 303(1 vote) - ***Is Divorce The Answer For You? - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2012 from Margaret PaulIn my work with individuals and couples for the last 43 years, I’ve had two very different experiences regarding people who have divorced:One group of people are happy that they finally left a marriage where they were very unhappy. They feel that they have their life back, and sometimes ...
Views: 261 - ***Who Am I? - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2012 from Margaret PaulI recently attended a conference and one of the speakers was David Stanley, who lived with Elvis Presley as his stepbrother since David was four years old. His book, about his experiences with Elvis, called “Conversations With the King,” just got published. The book is co-authored by ...
Views: 243(1 vote) - “I Feel Overwhelmed” - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2012 from Margaret PaulI often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things:Overwhelmed by their feelingsOverwhelmed by time pressuresOverwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ...
Views: 268 - ***What is Enlightenment? - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2012 from Margaret Paul"If I could define enlightenment briefly I would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is." - Dr. Wayne DyerAs simple as this definition seems to be, how often do you quietly accept what is? Instead, what do you say or do?I say things like “It’s not supposed to be this way.” “It should have ...
Views: 337(1 vote) - ***When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2012 from Margaret PaulFrequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.Letting ...
Views: 396(2 votes) - ***What Will Love Give You? - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2012 from Margaret PaulDid you grow up believing that if only someone REALLY loved you in the way you needed to be loved, then you would feel happy, safe, lovable and worthy?Certainly being truly loved by parents goes a long way toward supporting children in feeling safe and lovable, but it is not the whole story. ...
Views: 380 - ***What Does Having Sex Mean to You? - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2012 from Margaret PaulI’ve been counseling individuals and couples for many years. More than half the time, when couples are having problems or the relationship is dissolving, sex is one of the major issues. There are a number of common scenarios:After a long marriage with regular sex, he comes home to discover that ...
Views: 504(1 vote) - ***Persistence: Playing a Poor Hand Well - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2012 from Margaret Paul"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well." – Josh Billings, 1818-1885Research indicates that holding good cards is actually of great benefit in life. People born into wealthy families, who are emotionally and financially supported to become all ...
Views: 295(1 vote) - ***Are you Inspiring or Gloomy? - by Submitted on Dec 22, 2011 from Margaret Paul"You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make an honest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy." --Julia Child, 1912-2004, Chef, Author and Television PersonalityWhat is your ...
Views: 564(1 vote) - ***How do you Make Others Responsible for Your Painful Feelings? - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe have all learned many ways of trying to avoid or get rid of our painful feelings. Many of these ways are fairly obvious: addictions to substances and activities, staying in your mind rather than in your body, or judging yourself.Another major way we avoid or try to get rid of our painful ...
Views: 441(1 vote) - ***Will Your Next Marriage be Better? - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2011 from Margaret Paul“It’s time for me to move on. I’ve learned so much – I just know that next time it will be better.”“Our new relationship has a great chance, because we’ve both been married before and have learned a lot. We know that this time around we will do it so ...
Views: 351 - ***How to Connect with Others - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe are inherently social beings, and feeling emotionally connected with another is one of the great joys in life. Yet, all too often, we feel lonely around another or others, wanting to connect and not knowing how. We may have learned numerous dysfunctional or unsatisfying ways of connecting, ...
Views: 467(1 vote) - ***Stop Taking the Bait of Projection! - by Submitted on Nov 22, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have projected our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and desires onto others, and have been at the other end of projection. Many of us learned to project onto others as we were growing up, when our parents, siblings or caregivers projected their unconscious feelings, thoughts and ...
Views: 371(1 vote) - ***Do You Isolate? - by Submitted on Nov 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often have clients who tend to isolate as a way of protecting against their fears - especially their fears of rejection and engulfment. They are so afraid of being disliked, disapproved of, attacked or having demands made on them, that they choose to avoid ...
Views: 363(2 votes) - ***Intimacy and Connection - The Aliveness of Life - by Submitted on Nov 09, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Intimacy begins with oneself. It does no good to try to find intimacy with friends, lovers, and family if you are starting out from alienation and division within yourself." - Thomas Moore, author, Care of the SoulMost of us would love to have intimacy and connection in our lives, yet we often ...
Views: 483(1 vote) - ***Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulThis article on CNN Health - http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2-by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment."Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, ...
Views: 573(1 vote) - ***Self-Pity or Self-Compassion - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere is a vast difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling kindness toward yourself.Self-PityWhen you see yourself as a victim, you indulge in self-pity. You are a bottomless pit of misery, and you may find yourself crying endless victim tears. You might say things like:Why do bad ...
Views: 486(1 vote) - ***Caretaking: A Covert Form of Narcissism - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2011 from Margaret PaulI used to think that caretaking was the opposite of narcissism. I thought that narcissists were people who demanded that others give themselves up to care-take the narcissist. I thought that caretakers were people who were programmed to take care of others instead of themselves. I thought that ...
Views: 647(1 vote) - ***The Vital Importance of Community - by Submitted on Oct 17, 2011 from Margaret PaulI've been reading in many different sources about the research involving community and well being. In his best-selling book,"Outliers," Malcolm Gladwell opens with a study done in a small Pennsylvania town called Roseto.In 1882, Italians who lived in a town of the same name, Roseto, started to ...
Views: 631(1 vote) - ***Does Crying Make you Feel Better? - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulA recent study indicates that crying does not make people feel better. But there is a problem with this study.(Crying shame: Tears don't make you feel any better, study shows, By Cari Nierenberg, ...
Views: 571(2 votes) - ***The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others - by Submitted on Oct 06, 2011 from Margaret PaulHelplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It's hard to remember, ...
Views: 566 - ***Life: Security or a Daring Adventure? - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits ...
Views: 367 - ***A Problem with Today's Parenting - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids' happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother ...
Views: 812(2 votes) - ***Why Do We Seek Approval? - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2011 from Margaret PaulMany years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal - until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. I realized then that, ...
Views: 686 - ***The Devastation of Inner Emptiness - by Submitted on Sep 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulOne of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We ...
Views: 584 - ***Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt." www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain ...
Views: 505 - ***"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..." - by Submitted on Aug 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulHow often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about meProject your behavior onto meWithdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TVResist doing what I ask you to doLook at ...
Views: 602(1 vote) - ***Are You or Your Partner Possessive? - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much.""My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple of nights a ...
Views: 1321(3 votes) - ***Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner? - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2011 from Margaret Paul"We can't seem to connect anymore."This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you ...
Views: 729 - ***Discover Your Level of Narcissism - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ...
Views: 757(1 vote) - ***Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself? - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMy counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive:"I want to keep the peace.""I don't want to ...
Views: 567(1 vote) - ***What to do When You Can't Communicate - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhat do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate?Do you:Try harder to get your point across, talking louder or faster?Get angry, shouting to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?Cry in frustration?Feel resigned, give in and just listen ...
Views: 583(2 votes) - ***"I Feel Trapped" - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve ...
Views: 915(1 vote) - ***"No One Appreciates Me" - by Submitted on Jun 30, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me."I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of ...
Views: 516 - ***Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws? - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulA member of our website asked this question in our advice section:I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, ...
Views: 777(3 votes) - ***The Law of Love - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulI have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. ...
Views: 829(1 vote) - ***"I Can't Do It" - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret Paul"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry FordHave you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"?"I can't lose weight.""I can't find my soul mate.""I can't find a job I love.""I can't ...
Views: 905(2 votes) - ***Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-Love - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you don't like, but it's generally very ...
Views: 727(2 votes) - ***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship - by Submitted on May 26, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhen I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the ...
Views: 661 - ***"I Don't Deserve to be Loved" - by Submitted on May 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often ...
Views: 589(2 votes) - ***The Myth of Explaining and Defending - by Submitted on May 12, 2011 from Margaret Paul"What's the matter with you?" "How could you do that?""Explain yourself, young lady/young man.""Why are you dressed like that?""Why are you late again?""What did you do to your hair!"How often did you hear some variation of this when ...
Views: 600 - ***Others Treat Us The Way We Treat Ourselves - by Submitted on May 05, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you're friendly, then everybody else seems to be friendly too." --Dr. David Hawkins, Physician and LecturerHave you ever noticed how true this is?I would change it a bit and say that we attract ...
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