Our lives are full of expectations, dreams and goals we want to accomplish. We all have expectations, dreams and goals for our marriage and many of those are in the area of sex. Unfortunately, many couples never take time to sit down and actually discuss their sex expectations. We may feel embarrassed about some of our expectations or even think that our spouse might think we are "dirty" or "perverted". Therefore, we stay quiet and only dream about our expectations and even get frustrated with our spouse because they can't figure it out. God created sex for enjoyment not just for procreation and I believe that the best sex is married sex. Yet, many couples miss out on enjoying each other erotically. The lack of discussing our sex expectations can sometimes even lead to fantasizing about acting out our sexual desires with someone other than our spouse. It is a tragedy that those fantasies and desires are as close our bedroom yet so far away because we don't talk about them.
All couples enter marriage with their sex expectations regarding frequency, endurance, performance, sex positions, locations, and what types of sex you will engage in. The stereotype is that most men dream about their wife being that wonderful classy lady in public but a woman gone wild in bed ready to attempt any sexual act possible. In reality, many times it is the wife who has these sexual flames of desire for her husband and how he will be a Tarzan in the bedroom. It is not always the man who has the strongest sexual desires.
Almost every couple wants a healthy and fun sex life. How about you? Why are you putting off talking about your sex expectations? These expectations can be silent for years in a marriage creating frustrations that show up in many areas of the marriage. I disagree with those that say sex is not that important in marriage. If it is not important why can it create serious frustrations and issues in marriage? Also, if it is not important then why do couples with good sex have healthier relationships and lives? Research proves that good sex helps make a good marriage.
Here are some questions and thoughts you can discuss about your sex expectations:
1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
2. Is quality or quantity most important?
3. How much is enough?
4. What is the sexiest thing about your spouse?
5. What is the sexiest thing about you?
6. When do I feel most sexy?
7. What really turns me on?
8. My fantasies include......
9. I want to have more......
10. What would you like to change or improve in our sex?
11. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as....
12. What do you think about masturbation together or individually?
13. To me foreplay means....
14. Should we add sex toys to our sex play?
15. What about sleeping nude?
16. Something I think about a lot related to sex that might surprise you is.....
17. On a scale of 1 to 10 my orgasms usually rank.....
18. Our sex seems boring to me because....
19. My thoughts on quickies are....
20. Something I love about our sex life is.....
These are just a few topics of sex expectations you can discuss. The list will grow once you get started. If you increase your communication skills and reach deeper levels of intimacy outside the bedroom your enjoyment of sex in the bedroom and anywhere else you can imagine having it will become very satisfying!
I have heard it said "As your sex life goes, so goes the rest of your relationship." How is your sex life? Are you talking about your sex expectations?
Steve Tucker is a life coach, author, and speaker who delivers messages of encouragement and hope to those wanting to move their relationships beyond today to where they want them to be.
Steve has over 31 years experience in life coaching. He has served as a youth pastor, minister of music, minister of Education, and church administrator for over 17 years. He has been the President and Co-Founder of Eagle Family Ministries since 1996 and is the President and Founder of Beyond Today Life Coaching. Steve conducts and speaks at marriage conferences nationwide.
Steve is a certified professional life coach, a member of the International Coach Federation, a member of the Christian Coaching Alliance and the American Assocication of Christian Counselors. Steve is certified in numerous communication programs such as Life Innovations Prepare and Enrich, Couples Communication I and II by Interpersonal Communications Program. He is a graduate of Rapport Leadership International School of Leadership Development both Leadership Breakthrough One and Two. He holds degrees from both John Brown University and Southwest Baptist University in Christian Education with a minor in psychology.
Steve is the author of the book Simple Recipes For Romance, a book packed with ideas of how to grow healthy intimacy in your marriage.
Steve has been married to his wife Susan since 1979 and they reside in Bella Vista, Arkansas with their dog Jett. Steve and Susan have two sons and one daughter in law. Steve enjoys the outdoors and his hobbies include his Koi pond, yard work and gardening, and biking. He loves spending time with his wife. Steve's passion is developing and maintaining healthy relationships in his life. His motto is "Relationships last, but things don't!"