Why is letting someone go so hard and hurtful? How can I let someone go?

Parting is always difficult, especially when one is quite attached to each other
But if you think, you have tried everything possible and yet destiny has brought you to the juncture where you are forced to let someone go, then do so in a manner that after separation, if ever you two happen to cross paths in future, there should be no sourness or unhappiness in the hearts of either.

How can I let someone go?
Understand that it's Nature's call for you to now rise above your attachments and transcend into the vastness of love! Doing so, your life becomes much easier and happier, and most importantly, you’ll progress on the path of liberation, which will make you feel quite lighter!

So Continue to Love
Love liberates
Love frees the other person; whereas Moh (the worldly attachment, or in spiritual language illusory love) binds, Moh clings. Know that it is Moh that does not allow us to let go of the person we are attached to and hence it is Moh that makes parting hard and hurtful!

Love never hurts nor gets hurt
If the karmic account between the two demands that you do not stay with each other, we cannot change it. However, this impacts only the physical togetherness, and not the love between the two. Love always persists. Hence, there’s no separation as such. Even after knowing it’s all over at the gross level, you are always one through the bond of love! Love accepts every situation and adjusts. Hence where there’s love, nothing is hard and hurtful for us or others.

Love flows unconditionally
One who has love flowing within, will always pray, ‘May Lord grant all happiness to this person!’ whereas in Moh, one questions, “I gave so much happiness to this person, in turn shouldn’t the other person do atleast this much to make me happy?” So, while love accepts, Moh expects!

Where Moh is the most, we expect from there the maximum. This is natural, but this is what causes conflicts with our loved ones and makes them unhappy. What’s done is done, it’s a thing of the past now. But henceforth, let’s make a firm decision that, ‘I want to minimize my expectations, and rather find pleasure in only giving.’ When you give Happiness, you get Happiness, even if it means letting someone go. If that makes someone smile, have a heart and go for it. Give immense love to all, without expecting anything in return for ourselves, not even that they love us in return. With such selfless love, the tension in the relationship dissolves. Then, we are happy, and so is the other person!

Therefore, the Enlightened One advises to maintain the following in our love towards someone:
Minimize your expectations
Do not see faults of each other
Do not keep any negativity for your loved one
Never say anything negative about the other person to others. Always speak positive only
Do not hurt each other
Keep no conditions
If in the above-mentioned, any fault happens, do pratikraman* (see below).
When someone does not behave well with you, understand that, ‘This is due to my past karmic account. But I want to continue to love the Pure Soul (God) residing in him / her.’
Then, love will increase and will elevate to a higher level. And to sustain this love, both of you come to the Living Gnani (the Enlightened One)- in his company, you’ll get all the solutions!!!

*Pratikraman
Pratikraman is one of the most powerful tools to destroy the very roots, from which the vast tree of hatred and abhorrence could likely grow. So, we’ll do pratikraman for whatever faults we may have seen of this person so far. Due to our expectations, on occasions, negativity may have arisen for him / her, and consequently we may have even caused hurt through our thoughts, speech or actions.
Now, let’s forgive the other person and seek forgiveness from the God inside that person. When the differences disappear, love is established. When love manifests, you cease to see the faults of the other person. This is the only way! Hence, we shall do pratikraman by praying to the God residing in that person, ‘Dear God, I have caused hurt to this person several times and in many different ways. Please forgive me for all my wrong-doings so far and give me strength so that I do not make these mistakes again.’

Let go the Ego, not the Person
To renounce someone is ego; and to cling onto or forcefully acquire someone is also ego. He, who has no ego of acquisition or renunciation, his intent is natural and pure. Therefore, the main thing to be removed is the ‘Ego’. One whose ego is gone, experiences eternal bliss!

Ego is the false ‘I’. To really know ‘who I am’, we need to attain Self-Realization.
When the Enlightened One enlightens our Soul and makes us aware of how we are really a Pure Soul and not the worldly identity that we identify ourselves with, we attain the experiential knowledge of the Self, the Soul. This is called Self-Realization. On Self-Realization, the ego (the false ‘I’) ends and one comes into the awareness of the real Self (the pure Soul).

“Real happiness and peace are attained only if one comes into one’s true Self”
– Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan

Until there’s ego, the negative emotions of anger, pride, deceit, greed, attachment and hatred are bound to arise. And when you realize you are a Soul (the real Self), anger, pride, deceit, greed shall disappear, attachment and hatred all finish, because the inherent nature of the Self (Soul) is love. Once bound through this love, nothing else can bind one.

When you love the Soul of the other person, you are able to love that person unconditionally, equally and constantly, automatically. It’s because as a pure Soul, you are no different from the other person. So, You remain united and one, always!!! Hence, the question of letting someone go doesn’t arise in the realm of the Soul!