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Articles from Martha Tara Lee | Selfgrowth.com
- Five Tips for Sex Dates - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeSex does not magically happen. You are stymied by a lack of time and energy and having kids have only caused sex from being erratic to the point of non-existent. You love your spouse and want to keep an intimate connection. However life gets in the way. Sex has turned into a dull routine and you ...
Views: 1380 - Five Ways to Maximise Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWork out suitable times in the week both of you can make sex happen. It might sound unromantic to plan time for sex but we all know how to make time for what is important to us – and sex deserves us making time. The anticipation, lead-up and preparation for the date will make it ...
Views: 1562 - Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 2) - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIn a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, ...
Views: 2758 - Gurls of Singapore - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThere is a new beauty pageant in Singapore. It’s named TruMe, an online transgender beauty pageant organised by Action for Aids; it will be officially launched next month. The moderator of Sggurls, a transgender activist who identifies herself as Nicole Singslave, told me that she coined the ...
Views: 1519 - Heterosexuals, Come on out - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeYou might have come across the term ‘Coming out’. What does it mean? It is a figure of speech used by the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in disclosing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Also referred to as ‘Coming out of the closet’, the beginning of ...
Views: 1038 - How Can I Make My Orgams Stronger, Naturally? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe idea of having better orgasms isn’t meant to make you feel like there is anything wrong with the orgasms you’re currently having. Here are some basics: 1) Breathe so your orgasm becomes more of a full body experience; 2) Instead of tensing up and holding still during orgasm, move your body ...
Views: 1851 - How Can I Make My Penis Thicker, Naturally? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe length or girth of a penis is not the measure of a man. Penis pumps, pills, and patches can only make your penis bigger temporarily. They all work on the same principle of increasing blood flow in order to get a thicker penis. I would be wary of any body alternating devices and invariably ...
Views: 5515 - How Can I Tell If She’s Faking an Orgasm? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeAn orgasm is not just a physical experience, it happens in your body, mind, possibly even spirit. And there is no single definition of orgasm. Some tell tale signs of an orgasmic response might include increased heart rate and blood pressure, increased muscle tension, a flush of her skin, as ...
Views: 1158 - How Do I Get Her to Orgasm with Me? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeDuring intercourse, it is the outer third of the vagina that is most stimulated. Some women are able to orgasm through this vaginal penetration. That is, vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation. However research has shown that (Shere Hite’s 1976 survey of 3,000 women) only 30% of women ...
Views: 1279 - How Do I Help Her Overcome Her Bedroom Insecurities? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara Lee1. Do not make fun of or dismiss her anxieties/ insecurities as irrelevant, nonsensical and the like. 2. Find out where her comfort level is i.e. she doesn’t like/ want to do A, B, or C. What can she do or is willing to do? Start from there. 3. Gently stretch her comfort ...
Views: 1328 - How Do I Start Using Sex Toys? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeFor starters, you can use a vibrating ring which looks like a hair band except it has an external battery with an on-off switch. Have your husband stretch the vibrating ring over his penis and rest it at the base of his erect or non erect penis, and watch the penis come to live as you turn the ...
Views: 1721 - How Do I Tease Her Ear? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe ear is one of the erogenous centres of a woman’s body. Since ears are very sensitive, touching, kissing, sucking and even gently biting her earlobes, can send her into a sexual tizzy. Turn up the temperature by touching her ear with your fingers and tongue, followed by small, slow ...
Views: 4385 - How Does One Stop Multi-tasking During Sex? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeePossible reasons of multi-tasking during sex can vary considerably: from boredom due to predictability of sexual routine; stress and anxiety stemming from work; habitual need to overachieve; to genuine lack of time in juggling work and household chores. Sexual inhibition from any kind of trauma, ...
Views: 1697 - How is “Oversexed” and Sexual Addiction Different? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThe definitive DSM-IV-TR, which is the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association, does not recognize sexual addiction as a diagnosis. Conventional wisdom among therapists has long been that there is no such thing ...
Views: 2191 - How Will The First Sex Session be Like? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow will the first sex session be like? Be aware of your feelings and know it is normal to feel excited and awkward at the same time. Talk to each other: ask what’s working and what isn’t, don’t assume that what feels good for you feels good for her. During lovemaking, the penis is ...
Views: 1894 - Hug Language - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat the hug is saying that you are missing. 1. A hug that’s followed by a thump on the back A thump on the back above or below shoulders is more of a friendly or ” hey how you been ” hug. This is an indication of discomfort with hugging you or with your closeness. However not all back ...
Views: 1365 - Is It Safe to Use Flavoured Condoms? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeSome sexually transmitted infections can be passed on orally, so it’s a good idea to put on a condom for oral sex. Flavoured condoms would be the same strength as well as gone through the same rigorous testing as the normal condoms so you shouldn’t worry about it at all. There is a chance of the ...
Views: 3013 - My Wife is Not Interested in Sex. What Should I Do? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIt is normal for couples to have differences in their sexual desire. It is important for couples to begin by having a honest discussion with how often they need to have sex versus how often they would ideally like to have sex. There needs to be a conversation about the role sex plays in a ...
Views: 1697 - Oral Action - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow can a man best use his tongue to bring a woman to orgasm? What are some techniques he can try? Our fingers are hard, dry, and possibly chafing. On the other hand, your tongue is warm and moist, hence probably superior to the penis in giving her an orgasm. Also it is easier for most women ...
Views: 1345 - Pouring ‘Cold Water’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHave you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness? In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and ...
Views: 1496 - Primal Sex for Cameron Diaz - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI adore the American actress Cameron Diaz. She dares to be ridiculously funny in ‘The Mask’, has men swooning over her in ‘There’s Something About Mary’, gets to kick butt in ‘Charlie’s Angels’, and is not shy in admitting that she can’t sing in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. She smiles readily, ...
Views: 1972 - Putting Sex Life Back on Track - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow do you know your sex life back on track? It depends on what aspect of her sexuality she is not happy with. If she is not receiving sexual pleasure the way she would prefer, she needs to be first looking at what are some possible reasons she is not asking for what she likes. Does she know ...
Views: 1131 - Review of ‘Cowboys in Paradise’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThis article first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine. If you have been following my blog here, you may recall a previous post where I mentioned looking forward to watching an 83-minute feature film/documentary called Cowboys in Paradise. This is a controversial work because this is the ...
Views: 3496 - Review of ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeThis piece first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine. The trailer of the new Singaporean film ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’ was enough to persuade me that I had to watch it. The movie was premised as a romantic comedy between a ‘manly’ woman, and a ‘womanly’ man, as opposed to the usual ...
Views: 2002 - Revised – Sexual Terms - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI was browsing through the October issue of an expat magazine recently when I chanced upon an article entitled, “Well-being and Sex”. Intrigued, I read the piece, only to come upon the sexual terms: ‘sexual transmitted diseases’, ‘impotence’ and ‘frigidity’. The author is obviously not a ...
Views: 1274 - Setting Sex Goals For 2011 - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWe set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Your face might be wearing a bemused expression after seeing the above title. But, let’s pause and think about it. We set resolutions, goals and ...
Views: 2075 - Sex - a job or a joy? - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeIs sex a job or a joy to you? Sex means many things to different people, often depending on where they are emotionally, or even the time of their life. For some, it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food ...
Views: 2593 - Sex and the King of Fruits - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all? Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in ...
Views: 1086 - Sex Is Not The Same As Sitting For The ’10-year Series’ - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and ...
Views: 1403 - Sex – Learning to Ride a Bicycle - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhy is sex like learning to ride a bicycle? Well, do you know how to ride a bicycle? Not the four-wheeled type. The two-wheel ones (one front, one back) upon which the rider needs to be balanced. If yes, how long did it take you to learn to ride one? While you were learning how to ride the ...
Views: 2307 - Sexology is my calling. What’s yours? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeI facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I could go off-work, resume my civilian status, and was ...
Views: 1511 - Sexual Anxiety - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeAnxiety is a normal part of life. We all have experienced anxiety at some point of our lives. In fact, anxiety is one mechanism that evolved to keep us alert and help us cope in stressful events or situations. More specifically, performance anxiety refers to self-consciousness about the quality ...
Views: 1025 - Sexual Consent: Women who don’t know how to say no - by Submitted on Mar 06, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeThis is part four of a four-part series on sexual consent. The other pieces can be found here: Sexual consent: When no is no; Sexually Confused: When No is a Game; and No Go: Too Drunk to Consent. In early December, paparazzi pictures of 19-year-old Hong Kong starlet, Rose Chan, being kissed ...
Views: 1697 - Should I Tell Him My Sex History? - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow much you reveal to your partner has a lot to do with what kind of a relationship you want. If you want an honest and open relationship, then it is important you are as honest and open as you possibly can. Your past is a part of where you have been, and may not be representative of who you ...
Views: 1018 - Slow Down, Cowboy! - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHow can one overcome premature ejaculation? When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is ...
Views: 1453 - Smile – You’re A Woman - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeA smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society. At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts): “A smile is a ...
Views: 1248 - Spice Up Your Sex Life - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat factors should a couple take into consideration when wanting to spice up their sex life? Consider if your partner is a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (touch) person. Does irritating sounds bother him to no end? Is he particular about textiles, fabrics and the way they feel next to his ...
Views: 1310 - Squeeze, Hold, Release Your Way to Sexual Health - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHave you heard of pelvic floor exercises? You may have learnt about them from your aerobics instructor. Or perhaps your urologist was the one who ordered you to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Maybe your gynae was the one who asked you to attempt to tighten your vagina, or was it your ...
Views: 3122 - The Elephant in the Bedroom: Talking About Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeFor most people, sex is a sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. I have come across a man who, after 15 years of marriage, admitted that he and his wife have never talked about sex. Don’t get me wrong. They do have sex. They just don’t talk about it. In other words, they never ...
Views: 2362 - The Importance of Listening to your Emotions - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeIf you accidentally touched a hot stove, the nerves in your skin would shoot a message of pain to your brain. The brain then sends a message back telling the muscles in your hand to pull away. Is that a bad thing? No, you would answer. What a ridiculous question, you might retort. Hear me ...
Views: 1119 - The Importance of Touch - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeTouch is the medium through which we first become acquainted with the world. It is the first means of communication between the newborn baby and the mother. Research has shown that many babies who are raised in an orphanage and are not handled and touched on a regular basis rarely live past the ...
Views: 939 - The Perfect Valentine’s Day Dinner - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat are some tips on the ways a guy can impress a girl with the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner date? Generally, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes. The whole works would mean: the perfect venue for that perfect date – a 5-star hotel, an elite restaurant, ...
Views: 1019 - The power of play - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeI have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances ...
Views: 1392 - The tribulations of a sexologist - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeWhen I started my practice, Eros Coaching, I was told unreservedly by many well-meaning people, often complete strangers, not to do so. Will I have enough business? Are Singaporeans going to come forward? “We are too shy!”, they exclaimed. “Why didn’t you stay in the United States and practice ...
Views: 1120 - Today’s Parent: Account of a Tuition Survivor - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeI had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left ...
Views: 1215 - Too Tired for Sex - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWhat to say when you are too tired for sex. There are three things to say when you are too tired for sex. 1. Say something polite, nice or caring. Thanks for asking, but… (can state reason) I’m glad you asked, but… (can state reason) 2. State your alternative. I’d rather… I ...
Views: 1222 - Toys for Adults - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeHave you heard of the expression, “Men don’t grow up; their toys just get bigger and more expensive.”? True, since adult men don’t talk of Matchbox cars, but full-sized motorized ones. What of their electronic devices and gadgets from the iPhone, Wii, mp3 players, to laptops? While we have ...
Views: 1536 - Unleash Your Inner Sexy - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeWe hear it said constantly: “He’s hot!” or “She’s sexy!” What exactly does ‘sexy’ mean? Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary defines ‘sexy’ as sexually suggestive or stimulating. In other words, sexy can be ‘erotic’. Another synonym is ‘appealing’; as in generally attractive or ...
Views: 3178 - Vaginal Health - by Submitted on Aug 22, 2011 from Martha Tara LeeOn women’s health "down there". 1. Get familiar with what you are ‘normally’ like ‘down there’ – from the look, smell and even taste. Check daily when you go to the toilet. This way, you are aware when there is any out of the ordinary vaginal discharge. 2. Avoid bath oils, perfumed ...
Views: 1010 - Want anything? - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2012 from Martha Tara LeeIn this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything? Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. ...
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