Browse published articles attributed to Paul Dobransky, M.D., with full-archive search.
It’s often asked to me why women like Jerks, Badboys, and Players, and while I teach that much of the reason rests in the fact that to the brain, arousal due to danger and threats can be easily confused with arousal due to sexual appeal, there is a bit of a difference between a guy who is a rude, immature or unethical Jerk, and one who has been called a “Player.”
Women go out with jerks because of reasons you would not suspect. None of them are logical. None of them are “right” or “fair” in a fair world. It is unfair that sexual attraction and dating are “unfair” once you learn the nature of human instincts between the genders. The reason that they date “jerks” is usually even a surprise to THEM, and can be filled with stories of hurt feelings, destructiveness, and even abuse. You can rail all you want against this outrage but it will not change the ancient basic nature of human instinct. It’s illogical.
A first date with a woman had better not be the only date on your social horizon. Get that straight right from the beginning. I don’t care if you are short, fat, bald, “ugly,” haven’t ever played a guitar or rode a motorcycle. I don’t even care if you can’t dance, have a small penis, and were always the last picked in gym class. The only thing about me on this list is that last item, but that’s beside the point. For most of my adolescent life, being last picked in gym class was a source of endless shame for me. I let it seep into every interaction I had with women.
They are the bane of your social life - ruining your best efforts at attracting women. And they may not even know they're doing it. Of course you know who I'm talking about, even though we tend not to complain about it or mention it to others - especially women. Especially THOSE women.
Machiavelli and his book, The Prince, may be among the most notorious and derided authors and works in history - attacked by the church from day one, and to this day, synonymous with deception and cloak-dagger-politics, espionage and subversive trickery. A closer read may reveal something missing in our understanding: His original intent was scholarly and meant to benefit the world through what amounts to an elucidation of the male gender instincts (and quite a few of the female gender instincts as well.)
Sex is a social currency. It's pleasurable, and it's emotional, which are the criteria we human beings often use to judge the value of something. Has a woman ever asked, "How much do you value me, really?" Remember your first old junker car that you bought for, perhaps, $500? The car transported you from place to place, and that was more than enough to make you value the car highly. You likely told friends that it was worth much more than $500 to you. Currency is a measure of value of something to us, irrespective of the the labor, time, energy, or love we put into that which we value.
You always knew there ought to be a name for it - the state of mind suffered only by men, related to women and or work... and not be fully living. I have a word to coin. One that's likely been in your life at some point, if only for a day, or a week, or a month. It blocked your ability to meet women, but not to be out and about socially. It thwarted your sense of pride in your work, but not enough to prevent you from getting out of bed every morning to take the bus to that office cubicle.
It's no surprise that women respond to bad boys. They complain about doing so, try to stop themselves from doing so, ban themselves from dating them and swear they will never do so again... but sometimes to a fault they do so anyway. At my company, we know why - and the reason is in having Masculine Intelligence With Women.
Maybe you are a guy who has been searching for "that one thing" you could change to have better attraction and dating with women. It turns out that there is one amazing skill you have, which we could lock eyes on as a universal concept that ultimately makes you sink or swim with women. Here it is, in different words: All dating and relationship problems are communication problems. Think about that.
A woman likes you if she looks at you, if she talks to you and lets you talk, if she touches you or lets you touch her, and certainly if she kisses you or has sex with you. You see, there are DEGREES to “liking” and a DURATION to how long and how much you are “liked.” Through this all there is no guarantee that it will be present in the next year, or month, or week, day, hour or minute. Because “liking” is dependent on the emotions and the factors that shift and change and get challenged – the factors behind the three kinds of attraction I lay out for you in the Omega Male Program.
It's something so subtle that most men don't know it's there, but it's at the top of the mind and of highest conce to women: the "intimacy" part of physical intimacy. Men would generally rather ponder the aspects of the "physical" part of course, but some attention to what's going on between the ears would pay off enormously in ways of getting closer to women through a physical connection.
The most impassioned, powerful time of a physical interaction with a woman is early on in dating, when you don't even know each other as more than strangers. Ironically, it is also the most fickle, fragile, and potentially confusing time - one of missteps and miscommunication because it is so much about the physicality of the body and less about conversation. There is a reason for all of this, and for why it can be so enticing for men and women to indulge in everything from that romantic first kiss on one end of the spectrum, all the way up to a one-night stand on the other:
We just finished another bootcamp for men in Chicago and are about to head to New York City for another one for men this friday-saturday, and I have to tell you how one thing strikes me: so often, men think that they have to be perfect in so many ways - perfect at their dating skills, finding the perfect woman to marry, and after a tough time of a long relationship or the absence of a dating life on the other end of the spectrum, many rubber-band to the opposite of what they think is failure - going after only what's perfect.
Recently, I came across some stunning actual scientific findings from evolutionary psychology regarding a man’s ability to attract and date quality women who are right for them. After all, men worldwide want to find what works for them to become more accomplished in this area; to actually have some control and power over their lives. What a downer it would be to find that two genetic or physical features of one's constitution matter more than anything else. One of the traits was a relatively large attractor, though not the top one. It was the characteristic of sheer, physical height.
You don’t. I’m sorry, but no matter who you are, who she is, and how many crazy skills in dating you have learned, you will never. ever get back that particular person. Why? It’s been programmed into us since the dawn of time, and it’s called COURTSHIP. There’s an actual set of biological reflexes that have existed in men and women for all history. These are made up of three phases of romance, and I have laid out nine total steps to it.
Many men I know are unhappy and are completely lost. It sounds dramatic, but many men feel like they’re living in a plagued society burdened with disease. Infected and looking to the heavens, they need answers to prayers that aren’t heard. Most men are not even sure why they feel the way they do. It’s sad to say a guide is needed on how to be a man these days. Not all their fault men need help that they instinctively despise asking for. What they need is an invention. Plagues have occurred throughout history. But men have battled them by using their minds to create new inventions.r
It's the age-old problem universal to all men. They may be already physically free of the wrong woman for them, whether they were the one to do the breaking up or vice versa. But... They are still impaired by her, ruled by her, whether still in contact from a few days ago and either obsessed or guilted, or whether it happened years ago in a divorce and she's moved on but you haven't. Well so many questions have arisen this week that return one way or another to this age-old problem that we just had to find a way to address it with the best combination of our offerings and advice.
There's never a good time for it, never a right time or place, and it usually doesn't feel right at all. For some men, breaking up seems to be easy to do, but if we get honest with ourselves, those guys are few and far between. Sometimes those men don't realize that the relationship really didn't offer either person much, and they were only pretending. For other guys, it was easy to break up because they, themselves, didn't invest all that much, or anything into the relationship. A handful might even have only superficial relationships with women - perhaps a "sex-only" situation.
Under most circumstances with a woman, it’s utterly fruitless to get a woman’s number if she is a.) not sexually attracted b.) not friendly or feel a sense of fun or friendship from you, or c.) not a good match for you intellectually, in maturity, culture or tastes. Why would you even bother? Or why would she? Therein lies the rub, because many men take a “hard work attitude” into the social arena as if they could apply the same work ethic they do at their jobs, to the area of connecting with a woman.
The divide between boy-thinking and mature male thinking is deep but narrow. Learn how destructive behavior can be turned to the power to build a career, a romance, and a life... Many of you have discovered the unprecedented value in the entirely FREE, Do It Yourself Dating and Attraction Bootcamp Program. You may also have discovered that PART II reveals immediately useful systems to be more effective with women, VIA YOUR IPOD. It’s literally your personal dating and attraction coach by audio player! AND…
We usually hear about the importance of resolving arguments with empathy and perspective for the other person described as "there are two sides to every coin," or "what would it be like if the shoe was on the other foot?" What about thinking about the shoe itself in that metaphor? Today we have a pretty flawless, thorough way to look at the process of forgiving a woman who's (maybe) done you wrong, and a way to really amplify your own gains in personal growth in the process.
How to meet women is a different subject than where to meet women, and WHETHER you will meet women at all. Do you have particular goals with women? Or in the skill to meet them? Do you know what you even want in a woman? Or in what you will share with her? Do you want casual dating? Or a serious girlfriend? You need to answer these sorts of questions before you even begin to address the topic. The exact methods, strategies and tactics will become clear to you when you answer these questions, and I explain every possible detail in the Omega Male Program.
The advantages of the exercise that you are about to learn, for free, will be: 1. You will meet more women, or have a richer connection to the one you're with. 2. You will get a new career direction, resources, and guidance, or inject your current career with all new ideas, teammates, and above all, ACTION. 3. You will know yourself better than you have in years. Sound worth it? Let's dig in...
The best situation is of course, for a woman to ask YOU out, but that presents a different set of challenges than those around how you’re going to “get up the nerve,” whether or not she is already with someone else, or any other manner of concerns you may have that prevent you form what comes natural – what you were meant to do.
If you have ever been beaten down by life, rejected by a woman, fired, laid off, divorced, struck with a health problem, or some other challenge of life as a man - then you need to know THIS... Some of you may have seen the film, Invictus, with Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon, but like me, you may never have heard of the poem on which it is based before. I met a man recently who had once been a firefighter decades ago. He was solid at what he did. He knew how far was too far and how far was not nearly enough in battling the elements.
We often lump women together into one group; as if they were all cut from the same cloth. While to a certain extent, it is possible that feminine instincts are uniform across demographic boundaries: the desire for resources, the desire for friendship or belonging to a group with focus, the appreciation of masculine attributes such as charm, humor, territoriality and possibly even aggression. There are some fascinating subtleties to the drives and ambitions of women as they develop psychologically through the decades.
I would grab women's attention usually with my height and the wide and varied things I've done with my life, even at a young age. They would let me know indirectly - moving differently than for other men in the vicinity, trying to label me, whether it was as a nice guy, a player, a charmer, a brainiac. Whatever it was, they were still talking to me and that was very good indeed. Settling into some compelling conversation - mixed with new friends coming in and leaving the conversation - I appreciated them, and felt like doing something a little more for them than teasing, fun chit-chat.
What does the death of a male mentor mean for your own identity as a man? The funeral I am driving to, is that of Dr. G. Alec Stewart, a prominent physicist, and Dean of the Honors College where I went to school. In fact, it was his idea to even have an Honors College. To me, he was THE mentor, benefactor, and advocate. In my family, very few people went to college, and of those, nobody had gone beyond an undergraduate degree. We were not of means, and I suppose because of the difficulty in getting a degree, couldn’t find a means to get the means.
Here are your missions of the week: We recognize that the three areas of a man's life which masculinize him, and make him feel most alive, vital and attractive are Work, Women, and Being a Man. At Men's Psychology Magazine we are not just about ideas and talk. We are about you taking the lessons of the many men's skill building courses, and putting them to real action in your life. Below are your "Missions of the Week" in the three core masculine areas, to get a jumpstart on life.