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This practice is definitely a case of teaching what you need to learn: I've been working through a big bucket of tasks lately with little chance to rest. (I console myself knowing that the bucket is emptying a lot faster than it's filling with new tasks.)
Sometimes you can really feel what ... Views: 351
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Do You Think Opposites Attract? - by Marcia Naomi Berger, LCSW, has a private psychotherapy practice in San Rafael, California.
If you think opposites attract, think again! Just about everyone believes that opposites attract, but they don’t. Yet many relationship experts write that people seek partners whose traits complement their own.
THE OPPOSITES ATTRACT MYTH
It’s a myth that opposites attract, states Matthew ... Views: 405
We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere.
Part of this comes from our biological nature. To survive, animals – including us – have to be goal-directed, leaning into the future.
It’s certainly healthy to pursue wholesome aims, like paying the rent on time, raising children well, ... Views: 335
In situations or relationships with any kind of difficulty – tension, feeling hurt, conflicts, mismatches of wants . . . the usual crud – it’s natural to focus on what others have done that’s problematic.
This could be useful for a while: it can energize you, highlight what you most care ... Views: 340
“P” Point Power
by
William Cottringer, Ph.D.
Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you. ~Aldous Huxley.
Earlier on in my correctional career, an MIT math genius, Herb Gross, introduced me to an obscure engineering term, which he called ... Views: 412
Lately, I've been thinking about a kind of "case" that's been running in my mind about someone in my extended family. The case is a combination of feeling hurt and mistreated, critique of the other person, irritation with others who haven't supported me, views about what should happen that ... Views: 361
Life is full of tradeoffs between benefits and costs.
Sometimes, the benefits are worth the costs. For example, the rewards of going for a run - getting out in fresh air, improving health, etc. - are, for me, at least, worth the costs of losing half an hour of work time while gaining a pair ... Views: 350
[Note: this practice involves our visual system, which for many people is impaired. If this is the case for you, you could adapt my suggestions to focus on the voices of others or a sense of their “energy.”]
As our ancestors evolved over millions of years in small bands, continually ... Views: 378
So what happens when we need a new start? How do we actually get through the amazing transformation our Creator has for us, going from that caterpillar to becoming the soaring, beautiful butterfly? You are definitely not alone in the unpleasant struggle. A metamorphosis is defined here in a ... Views: 418
Getting caught up in wanting - wanting both to get what's pleasant and to avoid what's unpleasant - is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others.
First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag - such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and ... Views: 341
The truth of anything is like a mosaic with many tiles and many parts.
One part of the truth of things is that they are robust and enduring, whether it's El Capitan in Yosemite or the love of a child for her mother and father.
Another part of the truth is that things bruise, tear, erode, ... Views: 374
On the path of life, most of us are hauling way too much weight.
What's in your own backpack? If you're like most of us, you've got too many items on each day's To-Do list and too much stuff in the closet. Too many entanglements with other people. And too many "shoulds," worries, guilts, and ... Views: 359
There are always things that are getting worse. For example, over the past year, you probably know someone who has become unemployed or ill or both, and there’s more carbon in the atmosphere inexorably heating up the planet.
But if you don’t recognize what’s improving in your own life, then ... Views: 360
Happiness and joy are two of the most sought-after states in life. But sometimes it can feel like they’re just out of reach, no matter how hard you try to grab them. Fortunately, there is a way to cultivate more joy in your life: mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention ... Views: 357
Take a breath right now, and notice how abundant the air is, full of life-giving oxygen offered freely by trees and other green-growing things. You can't see the air, but it's always available for you.
Love is a lot like the air. It may be hard to see - but it's in you and all around ... Views: 362
A Serious Limitation with Words
by
Bill Cottringer
“Silence is the language of God, all else is poor translation.” ~Rumi.
Ever since being a young acolyte in the Episcopal Church studying the Bible and doing a book report on it for English class in high school, I have always been ... Views: 419
Let's say you've had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, the thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you're not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. ... Views: 361
Dangers of a Divided Mind
By
Bill Cottringer
“Warning: A divided mind misses half of everything but deludes you into believing you have the whole truth. So, if you want to get twice as much done in half the time in finding the whole truth, rejoin your divided mind.” ~The Author.
I ... Views: 371
Life gives to each one of us in so many ways.
For starters, there’s the bounty of the senses – including chocolate chip cookies, jasmine, sunsets, wind singing through pine trees, and just getting your back scratched.
What does life give you?
Consider the kindness of friends and family, ... Views: 320
Brain injury can have a significant impact on a person's life, often leading to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and depression. But amidst all the challenges, it's essential to focus on the positive by cultivating a positive mindset. One effective way to do this is through positive ... Views: 639
"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Ah, not really.
Often it's words - and the tone that comes with them - that actually do the most damage. Just think back on some of the things that have been said to you over the years - especially those said with ... Views: 366
Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish - and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.
But is there really any shortage of ... Views: 363
Humans evolved to be fearful since anxiety helped keep our ancestors alive. Consequently, we are vulnerable to being alarmed, manipulated, and even intimidated by threats, both real ones and “paper tigers.”
This vulnerability to feeling threatened has effects at many levels, ranging from ... Views: 346
It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels.
Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing - but it's a different matter to get so caught ... Views: 363
Forgiveness is a tricky topic.
First, it has two distinct meanings:
To give up resentment or anger
To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense
Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let ... Views: 351
RECOMMENDED: To see all visuals and activate all links:
https://joanpancoe.com/2023/03/08/springtime-follies-for-seekers-and-mystics-not-my-circus-not-my-monkeys/
“The expansion (i.e., projection) and the contraction (i.e., dissolution) of the universe are called lila (the divine sport) ... Views: 452
What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word.
You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really ... Views: 367
It's been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon) since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.
In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health - and certainly for the health of your ... Views: 375
Have you heard this saying?
The most important thing
is to remember the most important thing.
What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right, this minute?
The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. ... Views: 354
The ancient ancestors that were casual and blithely hopeful, underestimating the risks around them - predators, loss of food, aggression from others of their kind - did not pass on their genes. But the ones that were nervous were very successful - and we are their great-grandchildren, sitting ... Views: 342
We all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who have you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right ... Views: 339
Linguists like Deborah Tannen have pointed out that most communications have three elements:
Explicit content – “There is no milk in the refrigerator.”
Emotional subtext – Could be irritation, blame, accusation
An implicit statement about the nature of the relationship – Could be one ... Views: 354
The Dynamics of Trust
by
Bill Cottringer
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” ~Ernest Hemingway.
Trust is an essential ingredient to successful resolution of the three main conflicts which we all must deal with in life: (a) us vs. life (b) us vs. ... Views: 467
Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, or via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what's ... Views: 368
A Baker’s Dozen Classic Ah-Ha Moments
By
Bill Cottringer
“We often get the thinking-feeling-behavior sequence mixed up. It is important to understand that it is behaviors and actions, not thinking, that result in our feelings, which in turn often prompt problem behaviors.” ~The author. ... Views: 480
My dad grew up on a ranch in North Dakota. He has a saying from his childhood - you may have heard it elsewhere - that's: "You learn more by listening than by talking."
Sure, we often gain by thinking aloud, including discovering our truth by speaking it. But on the whole, listening brings ... Views: 378
Others will do whatever they do, and realistically, sometimes, it may not be that great. Many people disappoint: They’ve got a million things swirling around in their head, life’s been tough, there were issues in their childhood, their ethics are fuzzy, their thinking is clouded, their heart is ... Views: 396
Everyone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.
On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, at one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t ... Views: 389
One Christmas, I hiked down into the Grand Canyon, whose bottom lay a vertical mile below the rim. Its walls were layered like a cake, and a foot-high stripe of red or gray rock indicated million-plus years of erosion by the Colorado River. Think of water - so soft and gentle - gradually carving ... Views: 374
Imagine a world in which people interacted with each other like ants or fish. Imagine a day at work like this, or in your family, aware of the surface behavior of the people around you but oblivious to their inner life while they remain unmoved by your own.
That's a world without ... Views: 375
Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive.
Think about a time when someone was friendly to you - maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, ... Views: 407
The Wisdom of Insecurity
by
Bill Cottringer
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos.
I wish I had originally come up with this simple but profound article title, but I have to give full credit to a ... Views: 490
Horses are used for the Equine Therapy In Pune People participate in activities such as grooming, feeding, and leading horses under the supervision of a mental health expert.
Equine therapy is one such mental therapy that’s getting popular lately. The therapy involves horses as a way to treat ... Views: 435
Most of us wear a kind of mask, a persona that hides our deepest thoughts and feelings and presents a polished, controlled face to the world.
To be sure, a persona is a good thing to have. For example, meetings at work, holidays with the in-laws, or a first date are usually not the best time to ... Views: 369
Perhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace.
I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair.
This is what we ask our own kids to do. It’s what we look for in a friend, a boss, and a ... Views: 362
By “us” all “thems,” I mean finding common ground with every person – especially those you fear or are angry with or who are simply very different from you. These days this practice is more important than ever.
For most of the past 300,000 years, our human ancestors lived in small bands of ... Views: 410
I was recently asked about my top five inner practices for 2019, and here they are:
Drop the stone
Let it flow
Learn as you go
“Us” all “thems”
Be amazed
By “learn as you go,” I mean that each day is an opportunity to take in the good: to help useful or enjoyable experiences ... Views: 424
I think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year:
Drop the stone
Let it flow
Learn as you go
“Us” all “thems”
Be Amazed
My previous JOT explored the first of these: how to lay down the burdens of useless ... Views: 447
Repairing Virtual Communication failures
By
Bill Cottringer
“In a world that is constantly changing, it is to our advantage to learn how to adapt and enjoy something better.” ~Kenneth H. Blanchard.
Live, face-to-face (f2f) communication has always been difficult, unfortunately with ... Views: 394
As we begin a new year for many people, it’s natural to consider how to make it a good one. Besides taking action in the outer world – from fixing a dripping faucet to feeding every child – we can act inside our own minds . . . and take the benefits with us wherever we go. This year, what do you ... Views: 405