Self-Esteem and Self Confidence Articles

If someone was brought up by at least one parent who was emotionally unavailable and lacked the ability to attune to their needs and feelings, they can be in a bad way now that they are an adult. The reason for this is that they wouldn’t have been born with a fully developed sense of self; they needed to receive the right nutrients for this to occur.

If someone was to take a step back and reflect on their life, what might end up standing out is that they have a strong fear of being left. So, they can believe that their friends are going to leave them and perhaps their partner, if they have one. By being this way, they could see that they often feel anxious and have the tendency to cling to others. This can mean that they will do what they can to be around another or others, with them rarely spending time by themselves. One Area

If a man was mistreated by his father during his formative years, it doesn’t mean that he will be aware of this. The reason for this is that his brain may have blocked out most if not all of what took place. But, if he was able to remember some of the things that took place, he still might not be able to face up to what actually took place. For example, he could believe that his father didn’t treat him badly and that how he treated him was for his own good. The Next Part

If someone were to think about something that they wanted to attain or experience, they could soon think about what it is that they need to do to achieve their goal. So, a number of steps could enter their mind, and, before long, they could take the first step. As the days, weeks and perhaps months pass, they can see how far they have come and how close they are to having what they want. Further, they could generally be full of self-belief and know that it’s only a matter of time before they hit their target. A Smooth process

If a man missed out on the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way during his formative years, it is not going to be a surprise if he behaves like an extension of his mother now that he is an adult. He will no longer be a powerless and dependent child, but, as he was deprived, he won’t realise this deep down. As he was unlikely to have been able to emotionally attach to her and then break away, his survival will still be attached to her. This will relate to both his emotional and physical survival. Two Levels

There are those who experience anxiety from time to time and those who more or less always feel anxious. When someone can relate to the latter, they might want to lose the ability to be anxious. This may show that they have experienced life in this for a few months or a number of years. But, regardless of how long their life has been this way for, they will be desperate for their life to change. Too Much To Handle

If someone was to think about the relationships that they have been in, they may find that they have generally not been very nurturing or full of love. In most of their relationships, they may have experienced a lot of pain and might not have been long before they felt the need to cut their ties with the other person. This could be because they have been with a number of people who lacked boundaries and ended up walking over them. Due to this, they are likely to have felt violated and smothered, among other things. Two Sides

At the beginning of a man’s life, so his formative years, he may have been treated more like an object than a being that had his own needs, feelings and rights and had inherent value. Once, he was born then, his mother and perhaps father may have created the impression that they were happy but, even if this did take place, their behaviour, either straight away or as time passed, wouldn’t have backed this up.

One thing that someone could wonder, if they had a mother who was typically not very nurturing, is why she even had a child or perhaps children. But, based on how she generally behaved, this is to be expected. If she had generally been nurturing and supportive, there would be no reason for them to have this question. However, it might have taken them many, many years to get to this point A Number of Hurdles

When someone has met another person who they are attracted to and is getting to know them, they can have only good things to say about them. Not only this, but they can want to spend a lot of time with them. If they take the next step and end up in a relationship with them, they can end up having a more balanced view of the other person. They can see that they are made up of many different sides, with there being some sides that they like more than others. A Natural Consequence

If someone was to watch a film, they might soon find that there is the main actor and then there are a number of supporting actors. Once the film has come to an end, what may stand out, if they were to reflect on their own life, is that they have a lot in common with a supporting actor.

If someone was brought up in an environment that was extremely conditional and there was very little love on offer, it doesn’t mean that this is something that they will be aware of now that they are an adult. In fact, if they were to think about this stage of their life, they might not be able to remember a great deal. However, even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that what took place will be well and truly behind them. If they could remember what took place, they might soon see how their past is very much part of their present. Weighed Down

What someone may find, if they were able to step back and reflect on their life, is that they continually end up in situations where they feel unloved, unwanted and even invisible. Now, this could mean that they have had a number of relationships that have been anything but fulfilling. But, while this could be the case, this could be how they feel around their friends and when they are at work. Of course, their friends are not going to meet the same needs as an intimate partner and their colleagues are not going to meet the same needs as a close friend, let alone an intimate relationship.r

If someone was to sit with themselves and was able to connect with how they really feel, what they may soon find is that they don’t feel as though they deserve to exist. As opposed to being worthy of being here, then, they will feel like an intruder. After this, they could look into why this is and end up doing something about it. Then again, this could be something that is running outside of their conscious awareness and thus, it won’t be something that they are aware of and are able to do anything about. A Big Impact

When it comes to self-development, a lot is often said about the importance of being positive. The impact that this will have on how someone feels, their relationships and their ability to attain what they desire is typically mentioned. With this in mind, if someone is into self-development, and even if they are not as a lot of what is spoken about in this area has entered the mainstream, they can do what they can to be positive. This can take place by them having ‘positive’ thoughts, using affirmations and focusing on the things that they are grateful for, for instance. One Experiencer

Although someone is a human being that has a number of needs, feelings and inherent value, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Instead, they could treat themselves like they are nothing more than an object that only has a few basic needs, no feelings and no value and purely exists to perform one or a number of tasks. They are then going to be no different to an appliance that is here to be used and only needs to be put to one side when it needs to be recharged or repaired. In their case, they will be ‘recharged’ while they are sleeping. On The Go

When someone is connected to their body, they will have access to their needs and feelings. By having this connection to themselves, they will be able to freely express who they are and live a life that is worth living. What will also play a part in them being able to live in this way will be the felt sense of safety and worth that they have. As, if they didn’t feel safe enough to live in this way or worthy of living this way, they wouldn’t be able to consistently express themselves. Just how it is

Even though someone is a valuable human being, who has the right to say no and live their own life, it doesn’t mean that they will know this at the core of their being. Consequently, they can be accustomed to being treated badly and putting up with things that don’t serve them, saying yes to things that they don’t want to do and pleasing others. Thanks to this, they are likely to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. The trouble is that if they are used to not being there for themselves and being violated by others, this is not going to be much of a surprise. The Norm

Even if a man does a lot for his mother and neglects a number of his own needs in the process, it doesn’t mean that he won’t end up in a position where he de does even more for her. This is something that can take place if his mother was to become unwell and less capable of looking after herself. Assuming that this was to take place, he could soon spend more time doing things for her. Moreover, if he lives somewhere else, he could end up moving closer to her or even more in with her. An Automatic Process

For someone to meet their needs, they are going to need to know that they are worthy of having them met and to take action. Another way of looking at this is to say that there is the being element and the doing element. However, although both of these elements are important, someone can be in a position where the latter is in place but not the former. Consequently, they are going to be out of balance. A Struggle

After feeling lonely for many years and becoming aware of this, someone could find that they have the tendency to feel invisible. They are then going to exist and be able to be seen by others but they generally won’t feel as though they exist or are seen by others. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to cause them to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. But, due to how long their life has been this way, a big part of them might not believe that their life can be any different. A Closer Look

If a man is not in a good way, it doesn’t mean that they will end up reaching out for the support that he needs. He might not even share what is going on for him with his friends or family, for instance. As a result of this, he could have a number of people in his life that would be happy to support him but it won’t matter. It will then be as though he is on an island in the middle of nowhere and there is no one else there. Inner World

Even though someone has the right to be on this planet, it doesn’t mean that they will know this at the core of their being. Instead, they can feel as though they don’t deserve to be here. If this is so, it won’t be seen as something that they merely believe; it will be seen as the truth. It is then not going to matter how they behave or what they do as how they experience life won’t change. Emotional State

There are some people that are not very confident and are full of doubt, while there are others that are full of confidence and don’t really experience doubt. Due to this, those that can relate to the former often achieve far less than those that can relate to the latter. If one was to meet someone that falls into the second category, one could wonder how they could be this way. While they could struggle to feel good and capable, they won’t be in the company of someone that is in the same position. High Up

Even if a man wants to develop a loving and harmonious relationship with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he has been able to make much progress. He could be in a position where he hasn’t been able to find a woman who is suitable. Alte atively, he might have dated at least one woman but for whatever reason, it might not have been long before their time together came to an end. Then again, this might be something he has experienced more than once. Confusion

If a man was to think about how his mother treated him during his formative years, he could be filled with gratitude. The reason for this is that this is likely to have been a time when he was loved and cherished by her. However, if another man was to think about how his mother treated him during his formative years, he could be filled with frustration and anger. And, the reason for this is that this is likely to have been a time when he wasn’t loved or cherished. A very different experience

In the same way that a man won’t just have a masculine element, a woman also won’t just have a feminine element. Just as with a man then, her appearance will be an expression of one element but when it comes to her inner world, she will contain both elements. Nonetheless, although this will be so, it doesn’t mean that she will embrace both elements. She could be in touch with her feminine aspect but have more or less denied her masculine element or the opposite may have occurred. The Second

Although someone has needs that they need to pay attention to in order to live a fulfilling life, they can overlook a number of their needs. In fact, they might not even be aware of a number of their needs. Therefore, they won’t be consciously choosing to be this way; it will just be what is normal. Thanks to this, a number of their needs are rarely if ever going to be met. Self-neglect

If a woman is with a man who is focused on his mother’s needs and does what he can to please her, she is likely to wonder what is going on. She can struggle to understand why he is behaving in this way. It could be clear to her that he is not there for himself and this is causing him to neglect a number of his needs. Not only this, but she could be angry and frustrated about how unavailable he is. Self-Neglect

If a man was brought up to be there for his mother and to take care of a number of her needs, it probably wouldn’t have occurred to her that he was an individual who had his own needs and, over time, his own life to lead. Of course, when he was born, it is likely to have occurred to her that he had had basic needs such as the need to eat and sleep but that might have been about it.

One thing that can plague a man’s mind, if he has come to see that he was unable to attach to his mother, develop a strong sense of self and then break away from her, is why this process didn’t take place. He can feel angry, enraged and deeply betrayed. But, as the person who he came through if not from let him down, this is to be expected. There can also be how he feels toward his father, if he has taken the time to think about the part that he played. Another Element

Although someone can feel emotionally empty, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. But, what they can be aware of is their need to attain, achieve and experience different things. They can then be someone who describes themselves as driven and this could be how a number of the people in their life see them too. By being this way, they could be used to receiving a lot of positive feedback from others. A Role model

For a little while, someone may have experienced thoughts that are having a negative effect on their wellbeing. Along with these thoughts, there can be feelings that also arise. These thoughts and feelings are then not going to be positive and empowering; they will be negative and disempowering. Moreover, they can have very little if any connection with reality. For Example

What a man may find, if he was to step back and reflect on his life, is that he finds it hard to experience both ‘positive’ feelings and good things for very long. Therefore, whenever he has felt good, it might not have been long before his mood changed. And, whenever an area of life is going well, it might have also not been long until it has ended up going back to how it was before. At this point, he could wonder if someone or something ‘out there’ is holding him back. A Frustrating Existence

If someone has been able to get to the stage where they can see that how their mother behaved during their formative years was anything but healthy, they could wonder why she was this way. But that might not be all there is to it, though, as their mother might not be much different now that they are an adult. So, as opposed to seeing their mother as a human being, they could see her as a monster that was and is hell-bent on causing harm. Naturally, as they are an adult, they will have far more control than they had when they were a child but this doesn’t mean that they will realise this.r

What might stand out, if a woman has been with a man for a little while, is that he is overly focused on his mother. She can find it strange that he is so caught up with her and unable to live his own life. However, she can believe that she has what it takes to gradually pull him out of his mother’s world. Naturally, if she can do this, it will allow him to focus on his own life and be there for her. A Challenge

Even if a man is unable to see that he is out of balance by putting his mother’s needs first, there might be people in his life that are able to see clearly. So, he could have at least one friend and/or perhaps a family member who is aware of what is going on. This person could struggle to understand why he is not primarily focused on his own life and his own needs. There is the chance that this person is not out of balance, hence why they are able to see that he is. A Strange Situation

After thinking about some of the things that they experienced during their formative years, someone could find it hard to understand why they were treated so badly. But, if they were treated as though they were their parent or parent’s enemy as opposed to their child, this is to be expected. There can be moments when they experience a lot of anger and rage and even be filled with hate. Then again, it could go further than this as they could often find it hard to focus on other areas of their life. A Big Impact

In general, a lot is said about those who are entitled. When someone is in this position, they can be described as being ‘very entitled’ and expecting the whole world to revolve around them. From this, it can be as though there are only two options. Either someone is entitled and will behave in a negative manner, or they are not entitled and will behave in a positive manner. Black And White

Deep down, in their unconscious mind, someone can carry numerous unmet developmental needs. But, because they are outside of their conscious awareness, this won’t be something that they are aware of. However, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that these needs will lie dormant and won’t have an effect on their life. No, from behind the scenes, so to speak, these needs will shape their life. One part

Although someone will have their own life, it doesn’t mean that they will freely express themselves. In general, they could be in the background and even spend a lot of time vicariously living their life through others. However, if this is just what is normal, they might not realise that they are not truly embracing the life that they have been given. This is not to say that there won’t suffer by living in this way, though. A Bleak Existence

If a man believes that both he and others are being controlled by something ‘out there’, he is unlikely to be short of support. In his eyes, then, there could be a group of people who operate behind the scenes who are controlling most of humanity. This could just be something that he shares with his friends and family, or it could go even further than this. If it does, he could share his views online and have a few or many followers. Another Element

As someone is an interdependent human being, it is going to mean that it is important for them to experience human contact. This is something that will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Nonetheless, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will experience a great deal of human contact. What can be normal is for them to spend a fair amount of time by themselves and they could have surface-level relationships with others. How it is

If a man is in a position where he is overly focused on his mother and is not there for himself, it will be clear that something is not right. This is based on the fact that he is not on this earth to be an extension of anyone else – he is here to live his own life. So, as this is not taking place, something is likely to have gone wrong during his formative years. The reason for this is that this stage of his life would have played a key part in what he is like as an adult. A Strange Scenario

If a man has come to see that he is neglecting himself because he is too focused on his mother, he might need to talk to her about what is going on. He might want to explain to her that behaving in this way is not serving him and he no longer wants to do as much for her. Unsurprisingly, as he has his own needs and feelings and life to lead, living a life where his mother is the centre of his world is not going to be right for him. If, on the other hand, he didn’t have his own self and was merely an extension of his mother, this wouldn’t be the case. A Brick wall

If a man is in a position where he spends a lot of time doing things for his mother and very little time doing things for himself, this might be something that he is aware of. Being this way will allow him to do what he needs to do to gradually change his life. This might have been something that he has been aware of for a number of weeks, months or even years. Irrespective of how long it has been, he might have reached out for support or he might have decided to do everything by himself. One Step at a Time

If a man has come to see that he is neglecting his own life due to how much he does for his mother, he can believe that his father is at fault for how he behaves. He can then be frustrated and even angry about how he lives his life but his mother won’t have played a part. In his eyes, then, his mother will have been abandoned by and let down by his father. This could mean that his father wasn’t around during his early years or he might have been around but been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Two Extremes

A man could have a mother who is unwell or he might not but he could still spend a lot of time doing things for her. From the outside, it can be as though she is his daughter and it is his responsibility to take care of her. So, when he is not taking care of his basic needs or at work, for instance, he could be doing things for her. This could be something that she is grateful for, or she might act as if she is entitled to his time, energy and attention. The Norm

The other day, someone left a comment on a video that I had made about a mother-enmeshed man. They essentially asked me if a man in this position would be different if he dated a woman who was from a different racial group. This was not something that I had been asked before and I thought that it was a very good question. After this, I thought about how I haven’t been asked if a man in this position would be different if he was attracted to men. The Connection

If someone were to take a step back and reflect on how they typically feel, what they could soon notice is that they often feel invisible, ignored and lonely. They can show that when they are around others, they seldom feel seen and heard. It is then to be expected that they would often feel the way that they do. They are going to be physically here but they generally won’t feel as though they actually exist. Part of Life