Are Spiritual Relationships Hard?

I am blessed that one of my earth plane roles is to be the founder of a spiritual life coaching school called Holistic Learning Centers, Inc. (HLC). I am proud to share with you that HLC’s self-help, life coaching exercises have been clinically proven to work on hundreds of students over the last 13 years.

I am educating you about HLC’s field tested exercises because I recently co-wrote a new exercise entitled, How to self-program as a Deliberate Conscious Creator. I want to share with you how this psycho-spiritual exercise tested me about what I needed to learn about being in consciously awakened spiritual relationships. There is one very special paragraph that I will share with you which taught me the most about relationships and self-programming:

“If you follow HLC’s Self-programming rules, then only two things can happen with one being obvious and the other being extremely subtle. The obvious thing is that you will manifest what it is that you want to experience. The not so obvious thing is that you could surface what it is you need to heal and learn, so that you can manifest what it is that you want to experience. Many holistic people go unconscious to the second outcome and as such they miss God’s “diagnostic gift”. Their ego-mind resists owning what they need to heal or learn, which is reason for celebration, not aggravation.”

GOD’S SUBTLE “DIAGNOSTIC GIFT”

Are you familiar with the saying, “Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it?” Well, in my case this is exactly what happened to me. My deliberate self-program surfaced exactly what I needed to heal about several relationships all at once. It was quite a “wow and ow” real world experience.

Being merely hu-man, I immediately went unconscious to the way in which God was answering my self-programmed prayer. God’s subtle “diagnostic gift” was showing me exactly what I needed to heal, but simultaneously my ego-mind was trying to polarize my thinking in the opposite direction.

My ego was functioning “perfectly.” It was doing what egos were designed to do. My E.G.O. (Edging God Out) was trying to “hide me” (via unconsciousness) from an old painful truth that I wasn’t “strong” enough to deal with at an earlier period in my life. It was doing all that it could to stop me from seeing what I most needed to heal about my current relationships. My E.G.O. was distorting my reality with “rational-lies” about what I needed to see and heal in order to transcend my “old world” relationship paradigms. Yet, that was exactly what I needed to do in order to actualize my deliberate and consciously created Self-programmed prayer.

It took me a few weeks, but I slowly became conscious enough to see that my prayers were being answered. It took me awhile to build the emotional courage to deal with my less than perfect, old relationship beliefs. But layer by layer as I slowly surrendered to “what is” I began to actualize one humbling relationship truth after another. As each day passed, I became more and more spiritually conscious, which gave me reason for “celebration, as opposed to ego-based aggravation.”

“THIS IS REALLY HARD!”

Many years ago I worked with an HLC co-worker who, in her previous occupation, was an accomplished, corporate insurance executive. One day, after working for HLC for only a few weeks, she stopped in mid stride, looked deeply into my eyes, and with total emotional honesty said, “This is really hard!”

What this spiritually committed person was sharing with me was how challenging it is to work for a spiritual organization where she was expected to consistently “walk her talk.” By walking her talk I am referring to all the lessons defined in HLC’s Spiritual Spiritual By Laws (listed below) as well as Lesson # 6 in the Self-Mastery… A Journey Home To Your Self book.

My co-worker’s statement that she found it “hard” to walk her spiritual relationships talk is a valid, emotionally honest statement. It is “hard” because we are being held to a higher set of spiritually-based rules. We are saying to the world that, “I am committed to walk my spiritual relationship talk” by using Responsibility Communication, Boundary Protection, and Emotional Validation rules, along with many other spirit first, Self-mastery techniques.

I humbly share with you that after thirteen years of playing the role of founder of a spirit first school, I all too often still find it “hard” to perform these spiritual exercises 24/7. This is especially “hard” when my childlike f.e.a.r. identities have been triggered and when my boundaries of intrusion or distance are being violated via projectional transference.

Spiritual relationships are the closet thing to heaven that we can experience on earth. They come in all different shapes and sizes (i.e. Mother - Daughter; Husband - Wife; Spiritual Life Coach - Student; Resident - Training Supervisor; etc.) but what do all these relationships have in common?

If you are committed to “walk your spiritual relationship talk” then being in a spiritually committed relationship will be a constant challenge and reminder to walk your talk. My spiritual relationships help me to walk my talk because they mirror back to me when I have “fallen off the wagon” and show me that I need to “observe and correct” my less than perfect behavior.

Spiritual relationships require us to educate our Selves about the ways in which our spiritual partners were emotionally wounded. With this knowledge we can help them heal by avoiding words or deeds that unconsciously trigger their tender feelings. We can also help to deaccess (an HLC spiritual life coaching healing technique) them when they get emotionally triggered. Concurrently, this will help us to not take their “pain” caused by their emotional upset personally.

A HU NOTE: If we view our spiritual partners as our best counselors rather than our worst critics, they will mirror back to us that which we most need to heal.

Intimacy creates emotional safety. When we feel safe and passionate, this creates the fertile ground in which spiritual relationships can blossom. Spiritual relationships are built upon emotional honesty, and emotional honesty takes courage. This kind of courage is built upon trust, which develops as spiritual partners learn, through experience, that within our relationship it is emotionally safe to share our feelings. It is this trust and emotional safety which allows us to be emotionally intimate. And it is this emotional intimacy that transforms our spiritual relationships into “heaven on earth.”

THE SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIP… CHALLENGE

Many spiritual traditions teach that being in any kind of relationship is the… “most rigorous spiritual practice we can undertake.” This is because relationships force us to confront both what is easy and what is difficult to accept about our inner nature.

Spiritual relationships offer us an opportunity to own both the positive and negative elements about what our relationship beliefs mirror back to us.

Sadly, I often go unconscious to how my spiritual relationships mirror back to me my positive characteristics that I have yet to “own.” Meaning, the positive aspects of my Self that I have yet to claim or fully express as part of my Godlike nature.

According to Carl Jung, relationships are a crucible in which we “project” both positive and negative aspects of ourselves. He states, “To confront a person with their ‘shadow side’ is to show them their inner light.”

Spiritual relationships challenge us to love differently, by not controlling or possessing others, and also by not permitting ourselves to be controlled or possessed by others. To do this without withholding our love, while “walking our spiritual talk” as openly and lovingly as possible is, as my former staff member stated, “hard.”

Learning to love differently is “hard” because it requires us to love with hands and hearts wide open. To love openly without any posturing or hidden agendas is “hard” because it forces us to live by a different set of rules than most of us were taught in childhood.

Love that grows from emotional integrity, trust and intimacy without restraint or defense supports mutual freedom and growth. It opens an inner doorway that allows our spiritual relationships to bloom and, as it does, we get to feel and experience… the closet thing to heaven on earth ?

SPIRITUAL RELATIONSHIP BY LAWS

I will close this article by sharing my school’s Spiritual Relationship By Laws. These Spiritual By Laws clearly define why being in a consciously awakened, spiritually-based, loving relationship is vitally important for everyone who is consciously on a journey home to his or her inner Self.

ONE: The primary purpose for being in a spiritually based, loving relationship is to support each other’s spiritual growth.

TWO: A spiritual partnership is a covenant based on the highest degree of truth and integrity. Spiritual partners recognize their equality by acknowledging that they are unique manifestations of the same Spirit. They are capable of seeing through any negative human identities that may emerge. Instead, they focus on the Spirit that they share, the Namasté Consciousness within them where they are spiritually ONE.

THREE: Being in a committed, consciously awakened spiritual relationship creates inner satisfaction and an environment that supports spiritual growth. As a child of God, you deserve to be empowered by a relationship that fulfills your emotional and spiritual needs. Within this nurturing space you can more easily develop your spiritual skills, because this environment creates the fertile ground that is necessary for you to grow at your optimum rate. Your relationship skills will continue to grow because you both understand that your relationship is an ongoing process. Your continual growth prevents boredom and stagnation, and enhances your inspirational creativity. Your spiritual relationship creates an environment that enhances and supports the continual growth and development of your inner spiritual Self.

FOUR: Spiritual partners bond with the understanding that they are together because it is appropriate for their souls to grow together. Spiritual partners pledge to handle all decisions from a holistic perspective defined as: “What benefits the relationship the most benefits me the most.”

FIVE: Spiritual partners recognize that the partnership is always in the process of holistic growth and therefore flexibility and commitment to truth is essential. To quote Mahatma Gandhi, “In life I am committed to truth, not consistency.” A spiritual partnership requires education, commitment, flexibility, love, and unconditional acceptance.

SIX: Spiritual partnerships are much freer and more open than the old-world models. They leave behind the stereotypical roles that exist merely for survival and protection. Instead they seek to align themselves with Universal Spirit for the purpose of spiritual evolution and emotional growth. Spiritual partners know that as they align themselves with Spirit, success and prosperity will follow. They choose to place their attention and intention on developing their Divine Self for the purpose of their own growth, the growth of their relationship, and that of the Global Spiritual Awakening.

SEVEN: By choosing to be in a spiritual relationship, you are choosing to respond to your partner with compassion and love instead of fear and doubt. This will help you to create a New-World Model. You bring your Responsibility Communication skills to all of your relationships, which manifests a more harmonious and serene life for you and all be-ings with whom you come into contact.