***New in Town and Alone

Tips for Women on How to Beat Being New in Town or Alone

Top stressors in life include moving to a new location or being single again for any reason. But just because these life situations cause stress, they don’t have to overwhelm you. The top issues for women who are alone or new in town include:

1. Afraid to go out alone socially to parties, meetings, movies, etc.

2. Don’t like going to bars—but don t’ know where else to go

3. Blame themselves for being alone or anxious

4. Have trouble adjusting to a new life without their partner, etc.

5. Have trouble adjusting to a new town

A few top remedies are:

1. Don’t blame yourself or be hard on yourself for having difficulties adjusting. Moving to a new place or losing a partner is high on the list of stressors. Blame is only useful in keeping you from changing. After all, if you see yourself as blameworthy and not a very good person, then others will too. The result is that you won’t put yourself in a position to meet people in the future. Why would someone do this--to avoid any more chances of being hurt or overwhelmed. To break this cycle of fear, you have to tell yourself that all people deserve second chances. It’s normal for these life events to make you feel scared, but don’t let this reaction stop you from getting out there.

2. The best way to adjust to a new town is NOT to change your desired routine. Make life in the new place as much like the desired parts of your old one. For example, if you like going to movies, specific events and the gym, then you should find a movie theater, activities and gym you like and start going to them. There’s no better way to get over the blues than to exercise. Gyms are great places to meet people. And when you attend favorite events like antique-collecting, sailing or whatever interests you, you automatically bring along a comfort zone. Use this sense of comfort to calm your anxiety so that you can introduce yourself to a new person.

3.If you don’t like going to movies alone, then you can post a sign in the gym that you are starting a women’s movie club. Or, even better, go to the movie when you think women might be going alone such as during school hours. You’d be surprised how many women do go to movies alone during the day. Make a pact with yourself that you will speak to at least two women before you leave the movie theater.

4. Volunteer for an organization that means something to you. Volunteering is a great way to get to know your community and meet new people. Also consider getting involved in local politics.

5. Ask people at work or in your neighborhood for advice about where to eat, shop, etc. People love to give advice and feel valued. You might even meet your next new friend.

6. Subscribe to the local newspaper and find the Community section for events that interest you. Again, make a pact to strike up a conversation with at least two people before you leave.

7. Contact the Chamber of Commerce and ask if there is a Welcome Wagon Committee or another organization to welcome newcomers. Attend Chamber meet and greet activities.

8. Activate a new part of you. It’s easy to get into ruts. Ask yourself, if I could start over, where no one knew me, what would I do differently? How would I act? New towns and changes in life are great incentives to bring out these unexpressed parts of you.

9. Don't rush into a new love relationship just because you are lonely or anxious. You will most likely choose or settle for a man who is wrong for you. Make sure you RAISE your standards.

*** For Women Only: If you would like to be part of Dr. Wish’s research for her next book on women’s love relationships and get one hour of FREE counseling, go to her website and click in the Research box in the upper right and take the online research survey. Be sure to include you contact information and the word SELFGROWTH so that Dr. Wish can contact you.