SPIRITUAL ABUSE...What is it and How Can One Overcome its Destructive Effects?

Dr. Charles Whitfield, in Healing the Child Within, defines one aspect of spiritual abuse as teaching children to believe in a wrathful, punishing deity and scaring them into perpetual allegiance to a particular religious organization (page 37). Any denomination of Christianity could be accused of this to some degree, but the fundamental, radical ones (those which teach the whole Bible is the inspired word of God and must be taken literally for the most part) do the greatest damage by far. Let’s look at the problem more closely.

Children, especially those from dysfunctional homes, already have exaggerated fear of life because they are not being loved and nurtured effectively. They have low self-esteem and because they lack good problem solving skills, low self-confidence as well. They long for utopia where all is love and problems don’t exist. Therefore, they are susceptible to rigid, religious organizations that offer all the answers to life’s problems in exchange for “love”, protection, and guidance. They are taught that an invisible God rewards good and punishes evil and are encouraged to “be good” according to the ideas of that particular denomination. They’re also threatened with punishment in this life or the next if they fail to understand God’s will and obey it. On top of this, they are discouraged from looking outside the confines of this one group for answers about God or life, though they soon learn that many of the things they are being taught are destructive. In other words, t! hey are trapped, just as surely as a child who has been sexually abused and is threatened with the abuser’s withdrawal of “love” or worse, punishment if they tell.

How many of us have left behind destructive religious organizations of our childhood, but are still affected by this notion that good people go to heaven when they die and bad people go to hell; still assessing ourselves by the standards imposed on us long ago? Probably millions. Here are some of the symptoms:

1. Unable to open up to new ideas because they conflict with what we have been taught about right and wrong?

2. Judgmental of others who do things we can’t do, even though we might like to.

3. Chronically depressed, though we don’t understand the root cause.

4. Given to addictive, compulsive behaviors which help us escape from our fear of the unknown and our general unhappiness. For example, we over-work, over-eat, drink too much, etc.

5. Codependent in relationships; unable to really love ourselves, we need the love of others too much. If you recognize yourself as one who has been spiritually abused, what can you do about it? Once again, this is a short list, but one which will put you on the right track:

1. Look at the Bible objectively. Is there any proof whatsoever that heaven and hell after death really exist?

2. Note some of the contradictions in the Bible which make it as unreliable on the subject of heaven and hell as it is on many other subjects. For example, God is against all killing (Exodus 20:13, Leviticus 24:17, and Revelation 13:10) versus God encourages killing (Numbers 31:17-18, Ezekiel 9:6, Numbers 15:32-36 and Exodus 22:24). How can they both be true? And what about the numerous contradictions between the teachings of Paul and Jesus in the New Testament? Is it salvation by grace as Paul taught, or works like Jesus says?

3. Read some of the passages which encourage destructive beliefs and behaviors in the Bible…like racism in Deuteronomy 28:1 and numerous other passages that show the Jews as God’s chosen people…human sacrifice in Genesis 22:1-12 and Judges 11:29-39…and the depreciation of women…(God allowed men to have many wives and concubines in the Old Testament and to rule over them, and this inequity continues in the New Testament with passages like Ephesians 5:23 and I Timothy 2:12). Where is the proof that the creator of our universe proposed any of these ideas? There is none!!! Ultimate Deceit of the Human Race, a recent book by Ezzrath Baht Shem, gives dozens of examples of contradictions and destructive beliefs in the Bible if you want to get into the subject in depth. Also, an older book, A Guide To Understanding the Bible, by Harry Emerson Fosdick. Both encourage you to take the initiative to choose healthy beliefs about God and the universe and reject the rest, regardless of their source.

4. Read some of the books out today on widespread paranormal or spiritual experiences that contradict the idea of heaven and hell after death, showing rather, that life is eternal and all people return to an unconditionally loving God and continue their education when they die. Books like Hello From Heaven by the Bill and Judy Guggenheim, Life After Life by Dr. Raymond Moody and Many Lives Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss.

5. Connect with other open-minded people who seek to create healthy beliefs about God and the universe…organizations like Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families and numerous self-help websites with bulletin boards and chat lines.

6. Reach out and touch God yourself!!! Ask Him if he loves you, a fallible human being like all the rest of us, and you will be amazed at the affirming answers that begin to come to you. You’ll be able to let go of the fear of dying and punishment once and for all and get on with the exhilarating business of living!