Are You Truly Listening?

There is a saying “you cannot be mad in nature.” You may start out being upset, but as you walk amongst the tall oak trees and pines, nature brings peace to your soul. As you walk further you hear things; a squirrel running, birds chirping and the sound of water from a nearby creek. Being in nature softens the soul and makes you realize how wondrous our world really is.

We all listen to things that we want to hear. We carry on a conversation by listening and talking. It is when we walk away and reflect on that conversation that we realize just how much we listened; not just to others, but to ourselves as well. There is a time to talk and a time to listen. When you are in a conversation and negatives are brought up, they should not be carried any further than your ear. I feel that this is a part of releasing any anger or a bad experience. A sure, fail-proof way to see if you are holding onto any pent up resentment or anger, is by holding a conversation with someone. If the negative experience you had gets brought up, you are not over it yet, it has not been released. There are negative people and negative circumstances that happen to all of us, it is just so important not to take that experience with you. Life is not about the drama, it is about releasing the drama. Here’s an example: (everything is fictitious, just used as an example)

Kate and Emily had lunch yesterday. Kate seemed real upset when she got to the restaurant. Kate started out by telling Emily that she had lent her friend her favorite dress to wear for a special occasion and still had not gotten it back yet, it had been months since she borrowed it. Emily could easily see that this situation had been festering in Kate all this time. Kate told Emily she wasn’t sure what she should do. Emily talked with Kate about a couple of options for her to try. Kate has done nothing pro-active about getting her dress back. “You can simply pick up the phone and ask for it back, or you can meet her for lunch, like we are, and ask for it back” Emily suggested. Kate didn’t feel that she should have to make a phone call as it was her friend that called her and asked to borrow the dress. Kate clearly needed to vent about the situation and sought out Emily for some recommendations.

Always listen and be there for someone. It upset Emily to see Kate so upset about her dress, it was Kate’s issue. Emily doesn’t need to carry that instance with her. It is Kate’s drama, not Emily’s. If Emily mentions this instance to anyone, she has assumed Kate’s drama. This is a negative situation that Emily has just gained. A test to see if you are carrying around other people’s drama is to listen to your conversation. It doesn’t have to be about people, it could be about a particular circumstance or a situation that might have happened.

You will know when you have truly released something because you will never hear about it again. All you have to do is listen, if you hear nothing about it, you are over it. It no longer has an effect on you. How much of other people’s drama do you carry around with you? Listening is about hearing, and letting the other person vent their frustration. You can offer to help the other person but do not control the situation, that is the other persons lesson to learn.

I remain as positive as much as I can be, and have recently discovered something that was quite troubling. I am on a few breast cancer groups on Facebook. I post something positive as often as I can. When I meet someone I say, “stay positive.” After doing some listening exercises I discovered that I was sending out the wrong message. It is hard to stay positive when you are throwing your guts up or when your stitches hurt or when you are hooked up to a machine for 7 hours and that is not even the mental toll it takes on you. You should always listen to your body. I will change my way of wording to “Stay in touch with your feelings, which is a part of your journey.” If you are mad, be mad. If you feel robbed, acknowledge it. If you feel helpless, feel that way. The worst thing you can do is not to acknowledge your feelings. You should always keep the goal in your mind, but you have to acknowledge every step along the way. Those steps are milestones. Now I simply say “Acknowledge what you feel and always envision you winning the fight.” Listening has truly helped me.