By America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts.
All too often in life, people fall in love blindly. They refuse to make note of how the actions of another person define them. They pay too much attention to words and way too little to actions.
Here is an undeniable truth about people – actions speak louder than words! We know, you’ve heard this all before! But the truth is, you can, and must, judge a man by his actions and not by his words!
Words are cheap. Actions mean everything! The truth is always there for all to see when you observe the way people act and respond, rarely by what they say. Good men practice what they preach. Here’s why.
In answer to the question, “Can you trust him?,” you must always remember this – you can tell a lot about a man by his actions. How does he respond to you? How does he treat you? How does he treat your friends, your family, your children, his dog, and all of the others you love? How does he treat the janitor? The person who cuts your grass? The checker at the supermarket?
Real men say what they mean and act the same way. Real men, good men, decent men, will always demonstrate who they are by their consistent actions. To know the real truth about a man – pay close and careful attention to him over a period of several weeks and then ask yourself this question – is he really what he appears to be? Consistent actions on his part will tell you what you need to know, for good or for bad.
Lately, we have been working with a couple who have been married for nearly 20 years and they are calling it quits. Why just today, she told us that it was time to get out of the relationship – time to “fish or cut bate.” For nearly 20 years, her husband had mentally abused her and the children, while all the time boasting about how much he loved them. Actions speak louder than words!
The truth is, you can’t really love your children when you constantly berate them. You can’t truly love anyone that you put down, yell at, or constantly point out their failings and their frailties.
When you love someone, you learn to live with their failings, their mistakes, and their transgressions. In the end, you love them for what they are – for what they are in their heart and in their soul.
We all make mistakes. We all do dumb things from time to time. And the truth is, we more often than not, recover from the shortcomings we have. Honest, one-time mistakes are forgivable. On the other hand, repeated actions reveal who a person really is – for good or for bad.
A psychologist friend of ours reminds us from time to time about the “pervasive characteristics” present in human beings. These are “recurring patterns of thought and behavior” that defines a person – that tells us who they are. And recurring patterns of thought and behavior for the most part do not change when a person is an adult. In reality, these pervasive characteristics define who you are. Oh, sure, some people can cover up their real personality characteristics from time to time, but if you observe them long enough you will learn who they really are.
When someone you are observing over time repeatedly and consistently demonstrates through their actions and deeds the pervasive characteristics present in them you must pay attention! If a man is truly a good person you can trust you will see it in their actions. Don’t be fooled by words that are contrary to their actions.
When you fall in love make it for all the right reasons. Don’t ignore the signs. Don’t ignore the glitches. Pay attention and your reward will, more often than not, be true love with a man you can trust. Ignore his actions and you do so at your own peril.
By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
For more tips to enhance your relationship get the Doctor’s best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold.
Winner of the INDIE Book Awards GOLD Medal for Best Relationship Book
Winner of the Mom’s Choice Awards GOLD Medal for Most Outstanding Relationships and Marriage Book
Nautilus Book Awards Winner for Relationships
As America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts and award-winning authors, Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz help international audiences answer questions about love, marriage and relationships. With 28 years of research on love and successful marriage across six continents of the world and their own 44-year marriage, the Doctors know what makes relationships work.
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