Confessions of a Bulimic

Bulimia Nervosa, also known as bulimia, is a psychological eating disorder where the main characteristics are binge eating and inappropriate behaviors in order to prevent weight gain (purging). Bulimics are caught in the devastating and addictive binge-purge cycle.

Bulimia can be known as a silent killer because it is a disease of shame. Those with bulimia often times go under the radar because there are often no obvious symptoms to the outside world, until it is too late. Even worse, sometimes the person in question doesn’t really think of it as a problem, mostly because they don’t truly know the risks involved.

Take me for example. I slowly began figuring out I was bulimic right around high school. I had been considered a fat person most of my life and around this time I was just discovering the benefits of healthy eating and exercise. Being fat for a majority of my life, I never knew what it was like to be thin (other than when I was really young, but I can’t remember those days). With that being said, realistically, I was actually losing weight. The number on the scale kept going down, my clothes felt looser, and people were telling me I looked great, but for some reason every time I looked in the mirror, I was fatter!

This is the hardest part of any eating disorder to overcome. You are taught from a very young age seeing is believing; so when the “fat” person in the mirror tells me that I am fat, I believe it.

So far what you know about me is I’ve had an eating disorder since I was a teenager. You are probably thinking, “It’s a shame what girls go through at such a young age.” However, this is a myth…this is not just a “female only” disease. Believe it or not, men are prone to bulimia.

This fact alone made it even harder to come out and ask for help, because after all…this is a “girls” disease right? As it turns out, over 10% of all eating disorders are suffered by men. You see, there is also a certain image men strive for that they believe is more acceptable in our society. We feel as if we should be tall, buff, and have abs you can wash your shirts on. Turns out, men and women are not as different as you might think.

Anyway, back to my high school days. I would try to put myself on a diet of all healthy foods (including my attempt of a 3 month stint as a vegetarian) such as veggies, fruits, and fish. Eventually I would lose my mind and gorge on a lot of simple sugars and junk food to sooth the overwhelming cravings I would get. This would then lead to feelings of guilt and I would find the nearest bathroom to vomit. Of course by vomiting, I not only got rid of the junk food I just consumed, but also all the nutritious foods I’d taken in throughout the day. By the time I graduated, I was 170 lbs at nearly 6 feet tall and had zero energy.

I never sought out professional help, but I learned to coach myself through the “urge to purge”. I still have to fight it to this day, but I am much better at it, and in turn much healthier. I am one of the lucky ones though. There are so many more people who suffer through this and never find their way out. If you are one of them - GET HELP. There is no need to feel bad about yourself because it has been determined that this is a disease and it is not your fault. I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive wife and great friends who stay on top of me to make sure I don’t relapse. But I was good enough at hiding the problem in the beginning, which had I not broke down and told them, they would have never known what was going on.

If you don’t think it’s a big deal, consider these consequences:

10% of individuals suffering from bulimia will die from starvation, cardiac arrest, other medical complications, or suicide. (Jantz, 2008)
Among other things you may suffer from:
 Erosion of tooth enamel due to repeated exposure to acidic gastric contents
 Dental cavities
 Sensitivity to hot or cold food
 Swelling and soreness in the salivary glands (from repeated vomiting)
 Stomach ulcers
 Ruptures of the stomach and esophagus
 Abnormal build-up of fluid in the intestines
 Disruption in the normal bowel release function
 Electrolyte imbalance
 Dehydration
 Irregular heartbeat and in severe cases heart attack
 A greater risk for suicidal behavior
 Decrease in libido
Signs someone you love may have an eating disorder:

 Eating uncontrollably, purging, strict dieting, fasting, vigorous exercise
 Vomiting or abusing laxatives or diuretics in an attempt to lose weight
 Vomiting blood
 Using the bathroom frequently after meals
 Preoccupation with body weight
 Depression or mood swings
 Feeling out of control
 Swollen glands in neck and face
 Heartburn, bloating, indigestion, constipation
 Irregular periods
 Dental problems, sore throat
 Weakness, exhaustion
 Bloodshot eye

So in closing, if you have this problem, or know of someone you love who exhibits these symptoms…do not hesitate to seek the help of a qualified professional. This is not a problem to be taken lightly. Take it from me. If I wouldn’t have figured out the right way to do things, I probably would have never become a writer, a father, or a wellness professional!