Get more of what you want with these 5 steps

You are more likely to get what you want out of life if you ask for it rather than expect others to read your mind. When you ask for 100% of what you want, you put the ball in the other person’s court. You would be surprised how many people have trouble saying “no”.

Some employees are chided as being the boss’s favorite because they seem to be getting all the perks…the best office, the flexible time off, the most interesting assignments, etc. Often the real reason for the “perks” is because the employee asked for it. On many occasions I was able to negotiate similar “perks” simply because I asked for them. Others could have had the same accommodations had they not held back and expected others to read their minds.

ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT...ALL OF IT. Ask for what you want, not what you think you can get. A word of warning…Be careful what you ask for, you might get it.

If you take these 5 steps you will get more of what you want…at work, at home, at play.

1.Decide what you want.
It is very important that you are clear about what you want. This may not be as easy as it appears on the surface. The more precise and detailed you are about what you want, the more likely it is that you will get it. The whole premise of The Secret is based on putting what you really want out there for the cosmos to supply.

Imagine that you wanted a pair of new shoes for your birthday dinner and that was the positive energy you put out there. You found the perfect pair on-line and ordered them in time for them to arrive for your special event. They arrived the afternoon of your birthday, just in time for you to get dressed and go out to dinner with your family. When you opened the box you realized they were the wrong color and size. The Secret and positive psychology appeared to have failed you.

You received your new pair of shoes; however, they did not meet your needs. Those shoes were “new” and that was the only criteria you expressed. Before you ask for what you want, make sure you have all the details in place and all the colors filled in.

2. Ask for it.
Most people have a very difficult time asking for what they want. As a society, we have learned to ask for what we think we can get rather than what we want. Many of us grew up in dysfunctional households where our ability to predict how others would react/respond was a survival skill. Continuing to try to read the minds of people we work and live with every day is a real energy drainer. Think how much cleaner conversations and interactions would be if we clearly stated our own needs and wants and invited others to do the same.

3.Make peace with the “no” word.
One of the risks of asking for 100% of what you want is that sometimes the answer is “no”. When I first started using this approach to life and work, I found colleagues just stared at me with a glazed look in their eyes. In general, most of people I worked with were very uncomfortable saying “no”. They were so accustomed to dealing with individuals who rarely asked for anything outside the box. I had to train my colleagues and members of my family that “no was an okay answer”.

4.Negotiate
When I get “no” for an answer I respond in one of two ways. Sometimes I will ask for what I want again, using different words and/or a different approach. Often this change of perspective makes it easier for the other person to say “yes”. The other response is to negotiate. This will be a topic for another time, just know that negotiation skills are wonderful things to have in your back pocket.

5. Accept the outcome
Once you have asked for what you want, negotiated through the “no’s” and gotten the most out of the situation, it is time to accept the results and move on to bigger and better things. There is no sense getting stuck…value your successes and learn from your challenges.

Following these steps does not guarantee success. Part of the process depends upon your attitude and the finesse with which you operate. Becoming comfortable with this process, especially the part about exposing 100% of what you want to the light of day, will take a bit of practice. The more adept you become the more successful you will be. It will be a bit awkward at first…just like learning any new skill. By the time it becomes a habit you will have lots of successes under your belt.