I don't belong...

A day of January I chose to accompany 60 some high school students to a ballet presentation on violence against women. We had to walk for 40 minutes to get to the theatre and my uneasiness about being there grew by the minute. The feeling that I did not belong was slowly overtaking me in its dark goo…

It started as I got close to the point of meeting the teacher had set. The strange stare of some teachers and the questions of others for my reason to be there, contributed to make me feel like an outsider. I felt like an invisible observer as the instructions were given, the attendance taken. I quickly got projected back in time to when I started in a new school in Montreal in the middle of January 1984… I was just getting back from a stay of approximately 7 years in Africa, specifically: Ivory Coast. And I really felt like I did not fit in.

As the teacher spoke to me I was brought back to reality. Boy! Was I happy to be an adult and a parent! However, I was not aware of this feeling still creeping up.

As we started walking a parent I know saw me and we started to chat. Well, he was mainly doing the talking. After asking a few questions about me, he started to share some stories of his family. As we were getting closer to the destination I started to think: Wow! You are boring Chantal! No horror stories to share, no chit-chat on the latest news or trends… How can people relate to you? Why is it so hard for you to share stories about you? Is it enough to be a good listener to attract friends?

By the time I was in the theater I just wanted to sit in the last row, alone. I had one question looping in my mind: Why can I not belong? Why can I not belong? Why can I not belong? I made a few attempts to convince myself that I belonged to another group, just not this one. Alas. The vibration I was surrounded by was stronger. And I remained in this mindset for a couple hours, until I got back in my car, in my reality.

What had just happened? How did I get engulfed in this twirl of negative emotions?

As I started to trace back this feeling of not being part of the group, I was reminded of a few life experiences where I had to learn to deal with the fact that I was the strange-her. I have been uprooted and transplanted a few times in my life, and a move always meant I would have to adjust to my environment. I tried to be like everybody else, or as what I thought being normal was, and it did not work for me, either as a child, a teenager or an adult. I always ended up being criticized and pointed as different anyway.

With time I learned a few things. Here are 10 concepts I have discovered that could help you to be at peace with your difference too.

1. Believe that your uniqueness is a gift. How boring would life be if we were all the same!

2. It is better to be an independent mind than to comply, because when you conform you loose your identity, your sense of self. You are saying and acting as if you are not worthy of being you, and, that the rest of the world is much better.

3. Perfection is an illusion and does not exist. When you try to imitate someone because you perceive her as perfect you are really imitating imperfection in action.

4. No one is normal. Everyone is distinctive in some special way and that is exactly what makes you interesting! Dare to share your quirks and passions!

5. You might unconsciously want to comply with a perceived reality because you were criticized in the past. In Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill has recognized criticism as the second of the 6 basic fears that plagues humanity. He says: The Fear of Criticism robs people of their initiative, destroys their power of imagination, limits their individuality, takes away their self-reliance.

6. Create affirmations that will help you to be convinced of your uniqueness and your gifts. A belief is a thought that you have repeated often enough to start to believe it.

7. Choose to listen to songs that emphasize values you want to embody. Songs are powerful affirmations that you repeat over and over with emotion.

8. Find meditations that are meant to empower you, akin to self-hypnosis.

9. Use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to break your self-limiting beliefs.

10. Surround yourself with people that appreciate you.

If you let others poison your mind with their negative suggestions you will not feel good enough to share who you are, your passion, your gifts and you will still feel like you do not belong. You will remain just another person in the crowd. How sad! Somewhere deep inside each person is a fire that is just waiting to be fanned in existence. How much longer will you try to suppress your fire by being like everybody else?