I just spent £5,689 on my therapist and I am STILL not over my divorce!!

The NEVER-ENDING cost of therapy in healing from divorce

I was skimming through the web reading up on people testimonials on “Therapy” and came across one particular case, where a 39-year-old professional woman is being treated for major depression. She has been with the same therapist/psychologist for 9 years and has made progress, healing from childhood issues. But now with a new problem, over-dependency on her therapist. She stated she has tried to cut back on therapy recently and found that she became depressed if she didn't see her twice a week. She wants to cut back to once a week and then gradually wean off of therapy altogether. But her therapist told her that her dependence is what will make her well; but she sees it as getting worse not better.

Her words stated – “Less therapy frequency = getting better. It is painful to me to be this dependent on her. I don't feel like it will ever end. Should I continue therapy?”

This struck me with a danger that Therapy can unnecessarily create. I am in no way saying Therapy is not effective but it makes me ask the question “How do you know when therapy becomes ineffective?” and “How long is too long?”

People go to Therapy to Heal from a particular situation or area in their life and end up having their focus completely thrown to brand new issues creating more pain then healing!

TRAUMA is a deep and real emotion that needs to be handled in a correct and nurturing way. Too much analysing with trauma causes long-term issues. If there is No goal or focus to your healing there is a “black box approach.” Where a situation/issue/system can be viewed solely in terms of its input, output and characteristics without any knowledge of its internal workings.

Therefore people become dependent on their therapist for the next steps, which is disempowering rather than encouraging. It should be strengthening you to get back on your own feet and learn to deal with your emotion rather than just identify them.
Therapists have an agenda to keep you coming back to therapy - not incentivised to produce a result.

According to JONATHAN ALPERT (NYTimes) Research shows that, in many cases, the longer therapy lasts the less likely it is to be effective. Still, therapists are often reluctant to admit defeat. Many therapists persist in leading patients on an open-ended, potentially endless, therapeutic course.

A 2001 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that patients improved most dramatically between their seventh and tenth sessions. Another study, published in 2006 in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, looked at nearly 2,000 people who underwent counseling for 1 to 12 sessions and found that while 88 percent improved after just one session, the rate fell to 62 percent after 12.

Which shows that in Trauma, goal and structure is precisely what is needed. Too much self indulgence can actually create scars.

So HOW LONG IS TOO LONG? AND IS THERAPY EVEN THE BEST APPROACH?

Healing from trauma does not fit into the “Let meet once a week for one hour” structure. It is very dangerous to limit your emotions to a time limit and precise time of day, as you can’t always control your emotions whilst in the midst of a traumatic experience. You need around- the- clock support. Not someone looking at their clock while you pour out your heart.

Think about it.

This is why approaches like The Naked Divorce are taking the world by storm and why each and every day, women thank me for creating something which helped them get over their pain in 21 days. All they had to do was get focused.

So, what navel-gazing are you getting stuck on today?

I will paraphrase a line from Morgan Freeman's character Red in the Shawshank Redemption "Get busy healing, or get busy dying"

Till next time!

Lots of hugs,

Adele