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Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
You have been abused, maltreated, harrassed, and stalked.
You feel that you fell prey to a narcissist or psychopath.
But, you must move on from victim to ... Views: 63
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am currently reading your book, The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman can Make Before 40 and absolutely loving it. I have been married for a year and four months and we are going through a really tough time right now. I have suggested counseling and my husband ... Views: 92
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm having problems with my daughter in law . I I love her. She and my son had a relationship for more than fifteen years and were married for six. They have two preschool age children. I always thought My daughter-in-law and I got along, but now we can only ... Views: 75
There's a lot of misinformation about divorce, and Dr. Romance would like to clear up some of the confusion.
Here are 11 things people will not tell you about divorce.
1. Divorce will not make you happier, unless you’re leaving an abusive relationship.2. Divorce sometimes seems ... Views: 131
Often you lose two things in a divorce: your marriage and what feels like a piece of your identity. Marriage has a funny way of making two people seem inextricable, two sides of the same coin to use a cliché. But then somewhere in the marriage, its sanctity fell apart and you’re left wondering ... Views: 82
Dear Dr. Romance:
I hope you don't mind me writing you but I came across an article that you said: "The best interest of the child also could preclude a mom from gaining custody," says Dr. Tessina. "If a judge doesn't deem that the mother meets the ... Views: 123
Many people feel trapped in a relationship, yet fail to do anything about it.
The reasons for staying stuck are numerous, including assuming it’s better for the children to stay, illness or lack of physical mobility or stamina, financial restrictions, fear of retaliation, fear of being ... Views: 86
Dear Dr. Romance
I am mindful that I am allowing my soon to be controlling, narcissist ex ( civil law attorney) to run circles around me, just as we did when we were married. After attending a divorce group session at my local church, they recommend that I set up some specific boundaries ... Views: 262
Sustaining intimacy and fulfillment in a romantic relationship can be challenging. Often couples find themselves lacking true connection with each other as the daily routine of their lives take over.
Intimacy is a creation that has to be cultivated and tended to. When we take time to ... Views: 275
(A simple way to let go with dignity)
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa
If schools had offered a course called "Breaking up is hard to do", I suspect we all would have enrolled. Why aren't we taught these difficult challenges ... Views: 286
Maintaining long-term relationships can be a complex undertaking that requires significant time and attention. When things begin to go wrong, partners can take proactive steps to get the relationship back on track. These efforts can often make the difference between strengthening the partnership ... Views: 321
Divorce - it's a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. Mine was thirty-two years ago (not of my choosing) and was one of the most painful periods of my life. Two people brought together in love take a sacred vow to love, honor, and cherish one another for eternity. No one ever says, ... Views: 385
Dr. Romance asks: Should you date someone who is divorced? Does it mean the person can't commit or trashes relaitonships?
It's possible that those things are true, but let's look on the positive side. What are the perks of people who have already been through ... Views: 430
I was reminded by a commercial many years ago (which will of course date me from the 60's LOL!). There was singer Ella Fitzgerald with a high pitch voice near a wine glass. The commercial showed the glass shattering. Next was a view of a cassette tape player (hopefully I am not the only one ... Views: 395
How many times have we gone on vacation or somewhere away, have an amazing time only to return home wishing we were back? I don't know about you but it has happened to me countless times. Why does this phenomenon occur in our lives and what does it mean? When we are in a different place, ... Views: 391
Most couples can name several ways in which they’re opposites: neatness versus sloppiness; extroversion versus introversion; being high-strung versus laid-back preferring city versus country living, etc. And I'm sure you have something in mind that's specific to you. It’s true that quite often ... Views: 438
If your relationship were afire, is it still burning strongly? Flickering? Smoldering? Does it need kindling? A log? Or has the last spark of it burned out to the point where it's even too late for more oxygen? After all, your relationship at one time had to be on fire in order for it to burn ... Views: 501
One of the best ways to think of a relationship on the rocks is to reflect on your expectations for your relationship. What are they? What is it that you really want from your partner? What could your partner do now that would — from your point of view — make the relationship work again? Make a ... Views: 499
The title of a great and popular old Off-Broadway play captures one of the most common sentiments I've seen when working with distressed couples: I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change.
If you have discovered that for some reason you and your partner are no longer growing together as a couple, ... Views: 525
There is no doubt that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can put strain on any relationship, but marriages are especially affected, and many of them can lead to divorce. The military is notorious for its exceptionally high divorce rates, and while this fact exists for various reasons, among ... Views: 478
Reinventing yourself is not about getting rid of old ways and ideas. It is about taking away what you need from them; heartbreak, sadness, being stepped on and lied to, and creating a brand new person who sees their self a lot more clearly.
The energy around a situation or circumstance is ... Views: 488
It goes without saying that divorces are intricately complicated and intensely personal. They can be necessary or unwanted; devastating or invigorating. Regardless of the reasons why a couple elects to divorce, or the range of emotions it can produce, it’s a life changing experience that ... Views: 438
Well, you got through your divorce, settled in to your new life as best you can, and now you are in your first important, post-divorce intimate relationship.
You’re excited and relieved — yet also wary. You wonder if this new relationship is a go? Your doubts are not unfounded. After all, ... Views: 555
Your divorce is final, and you are glad, sad, excited and scared all at the same time.
You love your nights to yourself — for a while — and then you wonder if you can ever be optimistic about finding love again.
The good news is that this roller coaster of feelings and doubt is ... Views: 564
Relationships: Three Tips to Getting your Marriage Back on Track
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Is your marriage struggling right now? If you're trying to get it back on track, here are tips to help.
1. Don’t hold a grudge.
Talk about what’s bothering you in a rational way. ... Views: 576
Stories can create your reality. Which reality will you choose?
What kinds of stories do you tell yourself?
Here are a few common examples of stories:
• I can’t lose weight!
• I’ll never find love!
• I’m too old, fat, thin, stupid, short, tall, etcetera!
Stories are the collection ... Views: 543
3 Tips to Maintaining Your Sanity During Divorce
Dr. Romance’s three tips to maintaining sanity during divorce.
1. Know your rights:
If you’re even considering divorce, spend the money for one consult with a reputable, good attorney (preferably, recommended by a friend who went through ... Views: 528
Relationships: Three Tips to Dealing with a Really Difficult Ex-Spouse
Dr. Romance’s three tips to dealing with a difficult ex.
1. Choose your battles.
One of my clients once said “I don’t want to die on that hill.” She meant: that battle isn’t worth what it will cost me – I’ll ignore ... Views: 567
Relationships: 3 Tips to Know when to Get Out of your Marriage and File For Divorce
As a counselor, I’ve helped lots of couples solve difficult relationship problems, but it isn’t always possible. Here are three reasons to know it’s time to let it go:
1. Your partner keeps going out of ... Views: 575
3 Must Do's If You Want To Break The Cycle
If you're the adult child of a divorce or simply trying to improve your marriage, here are three tips to help you cultivate a good relationship with your partner.
1. Weekly State of the Union discussion.
This is not an argument or complaint ... Views: 614
When couples get married they never think they will be among those who get divorced. Yet a hefty percentage of marriages do end in divorce, so some of these people who can’t imagine divorce on their wedding day will certainly face that prospect eventually. Psychologists have identified behaviors ... Views: 413
Dating Again? Use These Five Tips On Every Date!
You’re fresh out of a disaster, and you are terrified of the thought of dating again, but you’re going to try anyway. Good for you! Here are some guidelines to help you avoid repeating old mistakes:
1. Pay Attention!
You Have Things to ... Views: 475
Even though parents argue as to the best residential schedule, choice of school, faith, holiday time, Christmas and extra-curricular activities, these issues are simply not as predictive for the outcome of children of separated parents as conflict alone.
More to the point, the greater the ... Views: 207
Working with parents whose marriages are on the cusp of failure or already separated parents fighting it out over the care of their children is a challenging proposition for the mental health professional.
Whether acting in the role of couple therapist, mediator, assessor, arbitrator or ... Views: 198
If You're Searching And Can't Find Love, Try This
Probably the most prevalent question I'm asked in my counseling practice is “Where is love?” Clients want to know why they can't find a successful life partnership, why a friend or family member won't respond as they would like, even why ... Views: 434
Every couple has a communication breakdown in their marriage at some point. In fact, most couples have numerous breakdowns in communication throughout their marriage. Communication is really a simple thing, but somehow as humans, we complicate things and blur the lines of communication with ... Views: 413
Dear Dr. Romance:
I'm hoping you can offer some advice. I recently fell in love with a guy going through a divorce. We weren't together for ages but I feel like it was. He was separated About 10 months when we started dating and he had confessed to having a crush on me for a really ... Views: 435
The statistics of recurring studies around the world show that cheating in relationships is far more common than everyday appearances let on; an average of 45% of respondents claim to have cheated in a relationship, and that doesn't include those who haven't admitted to an affair or ... Views: 223
4 Real Ways To Make It Work
Are you a stepparent? Are you struggling to make the right decisions for your newly created family? If so, here are four tips to help.
1. Give your blended family a chance to bond.
Don’t worry if everyone doesn’t settle in right away; bonding takes time. ... Views: 448
Horses are natural peacemakers
As I was growing up, I often found myself in the role of family peacemaker and wondered what it would take for people to focus more on the ways that connected them rather than divided them particularly within families.
I guess this is one of the reasons why ... Views: 233
How To Be a Happier -- and More Successful -- Single Parent
Are you a single parent struggling with how to make it all work? Dr. Romance offers three tips to happier single parenting.
1. Be a Grownup.
I know you’ve probably had a tough time, but you’re a parent, and your child’s ... Views: 408
Doesn't it seem that life was so much easier when there were no IPhone’s, IPad’s, IPod's, texting , IM’s, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn? Now everyone has smart phones, e-mails and voice mail. Add the pressure from work, the economy, money issues and the housing market and it’s no wonder our ... Views: 236
How to end a long-term relationship? It's never easy, especially when you've built your lives around each other and you thought it would last forever.
Before you end a long-term relationship, make sure you've done all you can to salvage it. In addition to solution-based communication (rather ... Views: 209
Don't Let Divorce Muddy Your Marriage - 3 Tips
Are you remarried? Are you trying to make this new relationship work. Dr. Romance offers three tips to help this new marriage work better than the first one.
1. Understand your baggage.
You both have leftovers from earlier ... Views: 427
Save Your Relationship With 4 Easy Steps
Dr. Romance’s four simple steps to create a successful marriage.
1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other.
Share your ideas and issues about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of ... Views: 440
3 Must Do's + 2 Don'ts That Can Help You Today
Are you about to be dumped? Your mate/date is losing interest? The signs are: lack of attention in conversation and being together; irritability -- refusal to talk about it, no sex or less interest. Here's what to do if you ARE dumped.
1. DO ... Views: 509
Dear Dr. Romance:
My husband and I have been happily married for 9 years, and we have a good sex life. We love each other very much,and want to grow old together.
He served two wars in Iraq. About two years ago, I started being concerned about his sexual behavior relating to men. He used to ... Views: 542
Maricopa resident Teresa Hamilton still remembers how hopeless she felt watching her purse sink to the bottom of her family’s swimming pool.
The summer sun was bearing down, and her alcoholic and drug-addicted husband had just returned home intoxicated and looking for a fight.
Hoping to ... Views: 264
Two Must Know Tips If You're A Boomer Facing Divorce
Divorce is a shock to anyone, but especially older marrieds, who may have been together for a long time. You are likely to be in shock for quite a while, feel numb and lost, and then have delayed grief. Here are two tips to help if you're a ... Views: 431
Verbal abuse often starts out subtle. A put-down here or there or a minor insult may be the first signs of verbal abuse. Over time, it can turn into name calling and threats of physical harm. This post will tell you more about the cycle of verbal abuse, the results of verbal abuse, how to stop ... Views: 201