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The pain, sadness and grief that go with a recent divorce can often make it extremely difficult to clearly and confidently move forward into one's awaiting new life. In fact many individuals have been told that it often takes months to years to truly recover from such a negative event. Is this ... Views: 49
Dear Dr. Romance
I am mindful that I am allowing my soon to be controlling, narcissist ex ( civil law attorney) to run circles around me, just as we did when we were married. After attending a divorce group session at my local church, they recommend that I set up some specific boundaries ... Views: 73
Do you know that feelings of low self worth are a major driver of the fear of intimacy that causes one to feel ashamed, vulnerable to rejection, anxious, inhibited, insecure, dependent, needy, unworthy, and unlovable? Do you know this fear causes one to withdraw physically and emotionally, ... Views: 75
Sustaining intimacy and fulfillment in a romantic relationship can be challenging. Often couples find themselves lacking true connection with each other as the daily routine of their lives take over.
Intimacy is a creation that has to be cultivated and tended to. When we take time to ... Views: 96
(A simple way to let go with dignity)
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." Mother Teresa
If schools had offered a course called "Breaking up is hard to do", I suspect we all would have enrolled. Why aren't we taught these difficult challenges ... Views: 101
The pain, sadness and grief that go with a recent divorce can often make it extremely difficult to clearly and confidently move forward into one's awaiting new life. In fact many individuals have been told that it often takes months to years to truly recover from such a negative event. Is this ... Views: 125
Maintaining long-term relationships can be a complex undertaking that requires significant time and attention. When things begin to go wrong, partners can take proactive steps to get the relationship back on track. These efforts can often make the difference between strengthening the partnership ... Views: 148
Divorce - it's a word that makes me cringe every time I hear it. Mine was thirty-two years ago (not of my choosing) and was one of the most painful periods of my life. Two people brought together in love take a sacred vow to love, honor, and cherish one another for eternity. No one ever says, ... Views: 208
Dr. Romance asks: Should you date someone who is divorced? Does it mean the person can't commit or trashes relaitonships?
It's possible that those things are true, but let's look on the positive side. What are the perks of people who have already been through ... Views: 241
I was reminded by a commercial many years ago (which will of course date me from the 60's LOL!). There was singer Ella Fitzgerald with a high pitch voice near a wine glass. The commercial showed the glass shattering. Next was a view of a cassette tape player (hopefully I am not the only one ... Views: 245
How many times have we gone on vacation or somewhere away, have an amazing time only to return home wishing we were back? I don't know about you but it has happened to me countless times. Why does this phenomenon occur in our lives and what does it mean? When we are in a different place, ... Views: 250
Most couples can name several ways in which they’re opposites: neatness versus sloppiness; extroversion versus introversion; being high-strung versus laid-back preferring city versus country living, etc. And I'm sure you have something in mind that's specific to you. It’s true that quite often ... Views: 280
Do you know that many individuals who are coming out of an unhealthy relationship situation often find themselves quickly re-entering similar negative and often abusive relationships? Do you know that this pattern is largely driven by feelings of rejection, abandonment, low self worth, low self ... Views: 308
Do you know that neediness is not only unattractive it also has the potential to eventually kill any relationship? Do you know that many people believe it is a normal part of the human condition to be needy?
Do you know that it is in fact absolutely "abnormal" to be needy in any way? ... Views: 349
If your relationship were afire, is it still burning strongly? Flickering? Smoldering? Does it need kindling? A log? Or has the last spark of it burned out to the point where it's even too late for more oxygen? After all, your relationship at one time had to be on fire in order for it to burn ... Views: 358
One of the best ways to think of a relationship on the rocks is to reflect on your expectations for your relationship. What are they? What is it that you really want from your partner? What could your partner do now that would — from your point of view — make the relationship work again? Make a ... Views: 363
The title of a great and popular old Off-Broadway play captures one of the most common sentiments I've seen when working with distressed couples: I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change.
If you have discovered that for some reason you and your partner are no longer growing together as a couple, ... Views: 416
Why does Co-dependence arise? Well because two or more individuals make an unconscious contract with each other to try to satisfy the unmet needs of the other. Initially, especially in the case of a couple, this contract is defined as "love". For instance, how many times have you heard yourself ... Views: 407
Are you coming off a bad relationship? Are you still feeling the emotional wounds from your ex? Do you have old deeply buried wounds from previously failed relationships? Well if you've answered yes to any one of these then I can guarantee that these scars will, whether you like it or not, ... Views: 350
There is no doubt that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can put strain on any relationship, but marriages are especially affected, and many of them can lead to divorce. The military is notorious for its exceptionally high divorce rates, and while this fact exists for various reasons, among ... Views: 353
After a relationship break down the painful event remains stored in each partner as a memory that has embedded within it energy that hinders one's ability to return to a new relationship easily or at all. For many this outcome feels severely limiting. Did you know that such an outcome is not ... Views: 389
When a relationship collapses for whatever reason most people take it quite hard and fall prey to many seemingly "normal" feelings such as sadness, grief, anger, regret, rage, a deep sense of loss, low self worth, feelings of emptiness and loneliness, fears of being alone, low self esteem and so ... Views: 348
Reinventing yourself is not about getting rid of old ways and ideas. It is about taking away what you need from them; heartbreak, sadness, being stepped on and lied to, and creating a brand new person who sees their self a lot more clearly.
The energy around a situation or circumstance is ... Views: 373
It goes without saying that divorces are intricately complicated and intensely personal. They can be necessary or unwanted; devastating or invigorating. Regardless of the reasons why a couple elects to divorce, or the range of emotions it can produce, it’s a life changing experience that ... Views: 333
The pain, sadness and grief that go with a recent divorce can often make it extremely difficult to clearly and confidently move forward into one's awaiting new life. In fact many individuals have been told that it often takes months to years to truly recover from such a negative event. Is this ... Views: 378
Do you know that the length of time it takes to completely get over a breakup can be anywhere from 3 years to forever? Do you know that this time period can be shortened to a matter of days to weeks? Do you know that the single greatest impediment to letting go of the negative feelings ... Views: 365
Are you afraid to fully open up to your partner sexually, emotionally, mentally and spiritually? Does this create an insurmountable barrier between the two of you? Is this barrier manifesting itself as self sabotaging behaviors that push him/her away ad leaving you feeling frustrated, angry with ... Views: 404
Well, you got through your divorce, settled in to your new life as best you can, and now you are in your first important, post-divorce intimate relationship.
You’re excited and relieved — yet also wary. You wonder if this new relationship is a go? Your doubts are not unfounded. After all, ... Views: 418
Your divorce is final, and you are glad, sad, excited and scared all at the same time.
You love your nights to yourself — for a while — and then you wonder if you can ever be optimistic about finding love again.
The good news is that this roller coaster of feelings and doubt is ... Views: 419
Do you find yourself saying or doing things that habitually undermine your chances of relationship success? In other words are you repeatedly sabotaging your relationship? Do you know why? Do you want to stop? Here's your chance.
In many cases when self sabotaging behaviors seem to erupt in ... Views: 443
Is it not striking that so few good relationships exist these days? So much so that we as a species seem to have resigned ourselves to believing that human beings simply cannot have healthy relationships. Unfortunately this view has only come into vogue because we have yet to appreciate the real ... Views: 414
If you've experienced the grief and sadness of rejection, being cheated on etc., that creates a broken heart I'm afraid that scar will be there for the rest of your life and will affect in some significant way your ability to be fully trusting, open and intimate as your true self with all future ... Views: 380
Relationships: Three Tips to Getting your Marriage Back on Track
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Is your marriage struggling right now? If you're trying to get it back on track, here are tips to help.
1. Don’t hold a grudge.
Talk about what’s bothering you in a rational way. ... Views: 455
Do you know that many new relationships are haunted by the specter of old failed relationships? Do you know that old emotional baggage from past breakups invariably lead to unresolved feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, mistrust, resentment, sadness, failure, and a fear of intimacy, to name a ... Views: 390
Do you know that neediness in the form of clingyness, jealousy, feelings of insecurity, fears of being alone, fears of abandonment and rejection, the need to do surveillance, the tendency to manipulate and control, and even to blackmail, to name a few are highly destructive not only to your ... Views: 400
Are you an adult child of divorce? If so I'm sure you're familiar with the consequences of carrying within you the memories of your parental divorce. If not let me highlight them for you so you can find a way to release them once and for all.
The consequences of carrying these memories within ... Views: 468
If two individuals are intent on trying one last time to make their relationship work then there is a way.
A relationship is just like a person. It stores within it the sum total of all the memories that make it up. After all when individuals talk about their relationship what do they talk ... Views: 403
So you've just finalized your divorce and you're looking forward to a life without your Ex.
You are however still carrying the scars that goes with a history of at best a sad relationship and at worst a traumatic one.
Most people believe that they just have to live with this history and ... Views: 375
Do you know that one of most significant contributors to failed relationships is self sabotaging behaviors driven by feelings of low self esteem and self worth? Do you know that low self esteem is rooted in subconsciously stored emotional baggage in the form of negative memories of abandonment, ... Views: 428
Anger is a common emotion experienced by individuals whose relationship has recently ended. Many would like to be able to dispense with such feelings but instead find themselves caught in the endless loop of having to fuel the anger by reminding themselves of the hurts, deceptions, lies, abuse ... Views: 399
Any unsuccessful relationship leaves residual feelings of sadness and grief. Now as so-called "normal" human beings we are expected to bear these feelings. Many therapists will tell you for instance that having such feelings is a normal part of the process, a normal part of living.
In this ... Views: 396
If you've ever experienced some form of negative or what some refer to as abusive events in your relationships you may have, if you're older or experienced enough, also noticed that the such events have a tendency to repeat themselves. Why is this?
Well in order to understand this one must ... Views: 372
Stories can create your reality. Which reality will you choose?
What kinds of stories do you tell yourself?
Here are a few common examples of stories:
• I can’t lose weight!
• I’ll never find love!
• I’m too old, fat, thin, stupid, short, tall, etcetera!
Stories are the collection ... Views: 433
3 Tips to Maintaining Your Sanity During Divorce
Dr. Romance’s three tips to maintaining sanity during divorce.
1. Know your rights:
If you’re even considering divorce, spend the money for one consult with a reputable, good attorney (preferably, recommended by a friend who went through ... Views: 397
Why do most relationships fail? Is it because of a fear of commitment, a fear of being honest, a fear of intimacy, the result of co-dependent neediness, etc.? Well would you be surprised that many of these are only the surface veneer to a much deeper problem that each individual presents with ... Views: 416
Relationships: Three Tips to Dealing with a Really Difficult Ex-Spouse
Dr. Romance’s three tips to dealing with a difficult ex.
1. Choose your battles.
One of my clients once said “I don’t want to die on that hill.” She meant: that battle isn’t worth what it will cost me – I’ll ignore ... Views: 433
Do you know that feelings of abandonment and rejection haunt both partners when there is a breakup? Do you know these feelings undermine one's self esteem, self confidence, self worth, make them feel undesirable, unlovable, fearful of further rejection/abandonment and severely limit their ... Views: 422
Do you know that a relationship breakup can damage one's self esteem to the point that it can take 3 to 5 years, or more, before the individual regains enough courage to re-enter the dating scene? Do you know this is unnecessary time wasted? Do you know that it is possible to completely erase ... Views: 390
If you have ever experienced betrayal you'll know its scars continue to get in the way of being able to engage in healthy, emotionally open and intimate relationships with others. Do you know that it's now possible to completely and permanently erase the memories of these events leaving you free ... Views: 416
Do you know that feelings of inadequacy which make one feel unattractive, unlovable afraid of true emotional intimacy, unworthy, vulnerable to rejection, withdrawn, inhibited, like an imposter and emotionally unavailable ultimately lead to the demise of one's most valued relationships? Do you ... Views: 403