Extraordinary every-day heroes surround us. Immaculée Ilibagiza is one of mine. Her courage to survive the Rwandan holocaust and her capacity to forgive the ones who massacred her family inspires me.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult decisions that we, as human beings, can be called upon to make. Situations which require us to forgive challenge us throughout our lives, but most of us will never face the horror that Immaculée faced.

In her book, Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, She describes the terror she endured for the 91 days she spent in hiding during the 1994 upheaval that led to the deaths of more than a million of her countrymen.

Her parents and brother were slaughtered during the three months of horrible bloodshed. During that time, she recounts how her faith deepened and her trust in God strengthened in the moments of fear and despair.

How does one find the way to forgive after such an experience? I wondered. She says that forgiveness is what you offer when that is all you have to give.

In order to come to a place where forgiveness is all that we have to offer, we have to first empty ourselves. Embracing our sadness, hurt, bitterness, and fear and then letting it go makes a space for healing and forgiveness to move in.

It is not easy, because we first face ourselves. In order to make space to reach out to another in forgiveness, we must face our own insecurities and tend to our own wounds.

We must also face the reality that sometimes we are unwilling (or even unable) to forgive. If we come to the place where we are unwilling to forgive, it is important to acknowledge the truth. If we are unable to forgive, let it be as it is.

The pressure to truly forgive can only come from a heart that is overflowing with well-being and love. Forgiveness is a result of a full spirit. External pressure or expectations to forgive do not produce forgiveness and they allow the offended to delude herself into believing that she is spiritually in a place other than what is true for her.

When we are unwilling or unable to forgive, we must extend to ourselves grace and mercy. We cannot shame ourselves into forgiveness. We must first recognize ourselves as perfect children of God, for only then can we recognize another as such.

At the end of her story, Immaculée visits the prison where the man who had slaughtered her mother and brother and had hunted her was incarcerated. She was shocked to recognize him. She had played with his children in her village. He was brought before her. His shame was visible. This is her account.

"I reached out, touched his hands lightly, and quietly said what I'd come to say.

'I forgive you.'

Two soldiers yanked him up by his armpits and dragged him back toward his cell. When Semana (the warden) returned, he was furious.

'How could you do that? Why did you forgive him?'

I answered him with the truth: 'Forgiveness is all I have to offer.'"

That is it, isn't it?
When it comes down to it, forgiveness is irrational. But it is all we can offer--to ourselves, first, then to others--in the face of unspeakable wrong.

What is your choice?

note: Ilibagiza, Immaculée with Steve Erwin. Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2006) 204.

Author's Bio: 

Steve Rice (www.thesparkbook.com) is an author and speaker driven to live well and help others to do the same. He is an entrepreneur and inspirational blogger and works helping people to define their potential and make the necessary connection between passion and vocation.