Living in the Present

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

During a recent workshop, I noticed how my group seemed disengaged from the discussion on personal boundaries. At first I was tempted to question my facilitation skills but I decided to confront what was going on in the moment with them.

I asked them to do a feelings check and the two emotions that kept coming back was tiredness and anxiety. They shared that they were all a little preoccupied with their concerns and anxieties in life.

This was a great opportunity to practice an important life skill about living in the present while managing future worries and concerns. These ladies had some very real difficult life problems, but not all of them could be fixed right there and then

I shared that I had many problems to deal with after the session but right now, I was focused on being in the moment in group. They too could learn to ‘park’ their worries for an hour and pick them up again at the end of the session if they still wanted too! There was an immediate shift in the group and it was empowering to watch as they made the decision to focus on living in the present instead of living in future worries and concerns. It was a collaborative decision to ‘park’ their worries and it was incredible to watch that by letting go of things they presently had no control over (future worries) they were able to complete a great piece of work on setting personal boundaries.

I knew that for many of the women in group that day, learning personal boundaries was the solution they were looking for but if they had been lost in their worries they would never have seen them answer was right in front of them.

Where do you spend most of your waking moments? Do you spend most of your time focused on the pain and disappointment of the past or do you use all your energy worrying about the future? If we are preoccupied with the past and the future we can really miss out on what life is teaching us and offering us right now. Make the most of your today, learn to let go of what you don’t have control over (the past and the future) but be courageous and focus on what you need to do today. It’s the best solution for not repeating the past and preparing for a better tomorrow.

Author's Bio: 

Joanne's passion is to help women break the patterns that keep them with men that are not right for them. She enjoys developing course and programs that equip women and young people with the neccessary life skills to solve common relationship issues so that they can build healthy and whole relationships.

She is the published Author of 'He Loves Me Not?' a series of personal short stories with coaching guidance to support single women interested in ending painful dating relationships from a faith perspective.

She also designed and runs The Right Step Relationship Course that coaches women out of unhelpful relational patterns in their dating lives.

Joanne is a qualified Integrative Counsellor and a member of the ACC and BACP and abides by their Code of Ethics (ACC Code of Ethics) (BACP Code of Ethics)

She is a qualified Behavioural Life Skills Coach (Canada) and abides by the LCA code of Ethics. She holds a C&G 7303 Teachers Certificate in Adult Learning as well as being a trained faciliator in Career Development (WorkNet, USA) and Obesity Counselling (National Centre for Eating Disorders). She also has 10 years experience of facilitating various workshops on personal development and career guidance and facilitated lifeskills coaching groups to men and women recovering from alcohol and drug misuse.

Joanne has also appeared regularly on the Woman to Woman Show (Premier Radio) , also Hope FM & BBC Radio, Revelation TV and featured in newspapers and magazines such as Closer, EDP24, Norwich Evening News and Ham & High, as well as being a Case Study and supporter for the Home Office and the 2009 Consultations on Domestic Violence Against Women & Children.