Mother-Enmeshed Man: What Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Have In Common With A Spartan Warrior?

Over two thousand years ago, in a place called Sparta, males were trained from a young age to fight. As part of their training, they went through numerous challenges in order for them to be moulded into warriors.

It then didn’t matter what any of these males wanted to do with their life as their path had been laid out for them before they were even born. And, of course, their fathers probably went through the same thing.

One Purpose

So, if one of these males had resisted the path that had been laid out for them, it wouldn’t have mattered. There is likely to have been very little that he could do about what was going on.

As a result of this, the parts of him that had other ideas would have had to have been denied. Before long, he is likely to have seen himself as having one role and that would have been the end of it.

Radically Different

At this point, someone could find it hard to understand what one of these warriors has in common with a man who is overly focused on his mother. They could say that a man in this position is anything but a warrior.

What could enter their mind is how he can’t stand up to his mother, let alone defend himself against other human beings. He is then not going to have a strong backbone and the ability to assert himself.

The Connection

However, assuming that this is their response, what they will need to keep in mind is that a Spartan warrior had his purpose laid out before he was born and had to fulfil this role once he was born. In the same way, a man who is overly focused on his mother is also likely to have had his purpose laid out before he was born and will have, in all likelihood, had to fulfil a role as soon as he was born.

Therefore, while he probably won’t be an experienced fighter, he will have had to abandon himself at a very young age. And, unlike a Spartan who was there to serve a city-state, he is serving his mother.

Another Difference

It could then be said that a Spartan warrior was part of a grand purpose and he is part of a much smaller purpose. If it was put forward to Spartan warrior, all those years ago, that he had abandoned himself, he might have wondered what was being said.

In the same way, if a man who overlooks a number of his own needs was told that he has abandoned himself, he could react in the same way. Each of these men will have been born at different ages but they won’t be totally different.

An Unconscious Plan

To take a step back, although it would have been clear what a male in Sparta would have done before he was born this is unlikely to have been the case before a man who is overly focused on his mother was born. For example, if his mother was asked about what she would do if she had a boy; she could say that she would be very happy and do her best to give him what he needed.

This would show that she wasn’t aware of the fact that part of her probably wanted to be looked after and had a number of adult and unmet developmental needs. As a result of this, she would have been oblivious to the fact that she put her son into the role of a parent and he would have had to be there for her.

A Continuation

How he behaves now that he is an adult is then going to be how he had to behave during his early years to survive. Not receiving what he needed during this time would have stopped him from being able emotionally to grow up.

In the same way that a Spartan warrior would have only known how to play one role, he will also only know how to play one role. This is why he won’t just be able to become aware of what is going on and change his behaviour.

Deep Work

First, a man in this position will need to become aware of what is going on, and he might need to go through something significant for this to happen. Once he has woken up, he could still have moments when he drops into denial.

Second, he will need to question what he believes about his needs and what his purpose is on this planet. Additionally, he is likely to have a lot of emotional wounds to work through.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.