Mother Wounds: Does A Man Re-experience The Issues That He Had With His Mother When He’s In A Relationship?

If a man is currently in a relationship, he could be with a woman who is often cold, distant and dismissive of his feelings. As a result of this, he could often feel angry and even hateful and low, invisible and worthless.

Now, this might not be the first time he has been with a woman like this; there is a chance that he has been with at least one other woman who was the same. Then again, he might have been with a number of women like this.

One Conclusion

At this point, assuming he has been in this position before, he could believe that this is just what women are like. And, based on the experiences that he has had, this is to be expected.

What could also validate what he believes is that he could have a number of male friends who are also in the same position. If so, when he and one of his friends spend time together, they could talk about how undermining their partners are and perhaps how undermining women are in general.

A Mismatch

Along with what is going on, there is likely to be the desire that he has to be with a woman who is supportive, loving and present. But, if he believes that women are the opposite of this, then he is not going to be able to fulfil this need.

His only option will be to continue to put up with the relationship he is currently in and for him to feel even worse as time goes by or for him to end it and stay single. If he does cut his ties with the woman, he might not be able to completely sever his ties if he has one or more children with her.

The Only Option

If the relationship was to end and he stayed single, he could believe that simply having casual encounters is his best option. This will enable him to meet his sexual and physical needs but it won’t enable him to meet his emotional needs.

After going down this path, he could feel empty, deprived and crave a deeper connection with a woman. But, if he was to start a relationship, although it could be different in the beginning, he could soon end up having the same experience.

Stepping Back

As he wants one thing but is getting another, it would be easy to say that he has very little control over this area of his life. One way of looking at this would be to say that, at best, he is simply unlucky, and, at worst, he is being punished by someone or something ‘out there’.

However, if this is just what women are like, then even if he was lucky and wasn’t being punished, it wouldn’t make any difference. Still, what if there is far more to this than meets the eye and he is actually playing a part in what is taking place in this area of his life?

Below The Surface

What if he doesn’t randomly end up in a relationship like this and is co-creating what takes place? Furthermore, what if this is not what women are like and is just what the women are like that he, along with his friends, end up with?

To go one step further, what if the women he ends up with feel compelled to act this way towards him as this is what he feels comfortable with, and, thus, if they were with a man who was different, they might also be different? ('Might', as she will also have her own wounds that will play a part in how she is treated) Upon hearing this, a man could say that this is not possible as he wants to be in a loving relationship and has no control over how a woman behaves toward him.

Going Deeper

What he will need to think about at this point is that he has both a conscious and an unconscious mind. So, while his conscious mind will want one thing, his unconscious mind is likely to want something else entirely.

If he was able to connect to his unconscious mind, what he may see is that this part of him is trying to receive the love and support that he missed out on during his formative years. Therefore, while he will be an adult and his developmental years will be well and truly behind him, he won’t have truly moved on from this stage of his life.

Recycling The Past

The trouble is that although different child parts of him are likely to want to receive what was not provided all those years ago by his mother, they will try to do this by re-creating this early experience of deprivation. Another way of looking at this would be to say that he is engaging in repetition compulsion.

This is then why he will either attract a woman who can’t be there for him and/or unconsciously behave in a way that will encourage a woman to be this way. The wounded parts of him simply won’t feel comfortable with a woman who is loving and supportive; they will only feel comfortable with one who isn’t.

Synergy

What this illustrates is how much of an impact he has on this area of his life and on how the woman he is with behaves. This is why it has been said that one lives in a mirror; a mirror that is reflecting back what is held inside their own consciousness.

For him to meet and, more importantly, maintain a relationship with a woman who is loving, kind and present, he will need to clean his own consciousness. One way for this to take place will be for him to face and work through his unmet developmental years.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change this area of his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.