MOVING FORWARD FROM THE PAST

Stacey Cox Giovanni
Life Time Success 4 U

Here I am again. Just sharing with all of you the times we have of our ups and down happen to all of us. The question is how do we deal with it. I have been going through some things for some time now. And I will share with you the victim mentality is a hard thing to over-come. I think we are all quilty of that at one time in our lives. Well I am not exception. I had a good friend of mine kind of kick me in my emotional butt so to speak and let me see the light. We are what we think. That is the core of it. I thought like a victim so I became a victim. At least in my own mind. I did not stand up and take charge. I became a martyr and an enabler and I have no one to blame for that but myself. The question is how do we get past the past and move forward. The fist step at least for me was to own what was going on and my part in it. WOW! That's a hard pill to swallow let me tell you that. But that is when the growth and the healing really starts. I think a lot of you can relate to what I am saying. The caregivers out here. Be it with your children, your spouses or even with you parents. We tend to sometimes be enablers and bend to others will instead of taking a stand and stop being over-whelmed. It can sometimes be hard. We think we are doing the right things for others and find ourselves spiraling down to a depth that is hard to come out of. I have been in relationships with toxic people, caregiving relationships and it can be a battle to maintain our sense of selves. Anyone relate!.
Now what to do about it. First assess what is really going on. First and formost. Take responsibilty for your part in it. It takes two to tangle so to speak and assess the best way to deal with it. For the caregivers out here, take the action of getting involved with a support group. And by that I mean not just caring for someone that is ill or is suffering from demensa but also for those who are involved in toxic relationship, including living with someone that is an alcholic or a drug issue. There are many ways to be a caregiver, as well as an enabler. I have found you cannot help someone that does not want to help themselves. Take responsibilty for your own healing and sanity. You can't help someone if you can't help yourself first. Sometimes we have to be selfish and put ourselves first. I speak from personal experience. Seek help. Self-help groups, therapy or support groups. It is a refreshing feeling to be able to talk to others that can relate to what you are going through. There may be a time when, dispite your reluctence to do so, you might have to remove yourself from the environment you are in. That may be hard but it may be for the best for you and possibly them as well. Deal with you anger, resentment, mistrust, feelings of guilt, and self-sabotage. Find out who you really are, over and above the entanglement that you feel with the person you are trying to help. Take some time to evaluate yourself, them and the best way to resolve the situation. Think with your head not your heart. Ask opinions of those you trust, and above all listen. With your head and your heart.