My Husband Criticizes Everything I Do: How To Handle Criticism From Husband - Why Is He So Critical Of Me

My Husband Criticizes Everything I Do: How To Handle Criticism From Husband - Why Is He So Critical Of Me

In the midst of misunderstanding, you can ask three questions to understand the accuser. The first is, 'Who?' In other words, consider the source! ~Chuck Swindoll.

Some people are just never satisfied unless they're tearing others apart, and the bewildering irony is they still generally won't be satisfied, as they set about mauling another person and then another and so on - okay, it's a worst-case scenario there!

Some, it's fair, are just simply critical in their general outlook on life without being so overt about cruelling people.

The Trouble for the Criticiser

The issues burning often well beneath the criticiser - highlighting their annoyance - are so often many levels beneath and too low to be identified. They possibly don't care anyway.

The core principle of criticism is this: those that 'criticise,' i.e. those who use a harsh-spirited approach at aggressively stating the issue of their annoyance, generally only ever undermine themselves in the process of attacking people.

Considering the Source, Why and What Can Be Learned

Here is a relatively simple principle we only need to be more aware of.

If the 'criticism' we're getting is at any point constructive - i.e. it's intended to build us up, developing us - we'll probably be receiving it from someone who cares about us and our development.

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If, however, the criticism feels like criticism - i.e. it cuts like a knife and leaves us stinging and openly wounded - we would do well to consider, as Swindoll continues, 'why' this is coming our way (the second question) and 'what' can be learned from it (the third).

The person being critical, by virtue of the activity and motive of their criticism, is probably not centred in objectivity, and probably doesn't have our best in mind and at heart. The 'why' question then is answered - the person has their own problems.

It's perhaps not really about us at all, or perhaps only in a minor way.

And what can be learned from this ordeal? It is to be as objective as possible whilst still protecting our own hearts from the excess hurt we can feel. Doing this will help us in forgiving our transgressor.

Whatever we've done we probably didn't intend bad of it, and even if we did, we don't truly deserve - from the Christian viewpoint - to be condemned anyway. Sure, we may have blown the trust of another, but forgiveness should be given if they know God.

When the Source is Someone Important to Us

Feeling criticised is one thing. It is the criticism from someone we really esteem that cuts hard; that's another matter.

We need to have the courage to explore with this person the feelings we have because of their feedback. We alone must own our feelings. At least we can explore how we've felt with them as a point of understanding, if nothing else.

This will obviously require courage and trust from us, a.k.a. faith.

At its most rudimentary we should be striving to learn something about ourselves - and how we can improve - from the ordeal; God never wastes a hurt if we approach criticism this way.

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Sometimes, we get so caught up by our work, by our responsibilities, that we forget to fight for the things we love. Our schedule is too busy, we have too many things on our mind, from work and family duties to financial stress and the need to live healthily and work out.

That does not leave much room for bonding with your spouse, and, when you finally get to spend some time together, it is always the same thing: watching a movie or having dinner and making love afterwards.

At some point, you no longer know if you are making love or having sex, and the time you spend together becomes just another point on your daily routine.

You should not let things get that far, you should not wait until the point when you have to do something urgently in order to save the marriage, but take measures to make things better from the first sign that something is wrong, even when your spouse does not agree.

If you usually see a movie and have intercourse in the evening, you can trade the movie for a fancy but intimate dinner, no matter if in a restaurant or in your dining room. You can enjoy the intercourse in the morning, before going to work, on your lunch break, or in the evening, but taking a shower or a bubble bath together, after dinner or after dancing, in a different decor and after different activities than you usually do.

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If you are the one to take the initiative, perhaps it is time to change your approach and, if you don't think that waiting will work, perhaps asking nicely and acting shy will do the trick.

If, on the contrary, your spouse usually makes the first step, it is time you tried a bolder approach, perhaps some kissing tenderly around the house, some whispering in your spouse's ear and even intimate caresses whenever possible, so that the others will not notice.

The rule here is to do things differently, to break the routine, to surprise your spouse. Perhaps it will not work like magic from the first time, but just the fact that you are trying should be a step forward.

Of course, you should not forget the power of the scented candles, of the red wine and of the fine food or chocolate, and you should not avoid talking to your spouse directly.

With love and commitment, things will finally get back on track and you will, not only save the marriage, but make it wonderful, fulfilling, rewarding, just like it should have been from the very beginning.

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The situation seems utterly desolate. For weeks now the end of your marriage is looming closer and there seems to be no way that you can change your spouse's mind. He or she wants that divorce but you don't and your situation seems completely hopeless. You are confused, alone and afraid. The good news is that your situation is not unique (you know that very well) and it is certainly not hopeless. By reading this article you will discover 3 powerful strategies for how to stop divorce:

Go Along With What they Want

When one person wants something that the other does not, there is a clash of wills. If you try to persuade your spouse that you've changed, not to go ahead with the divorce, you are supporting their negativism and they will dig their heals in further. Stop complaining, stop winging, stop pressuring and stop needing. Instead, agree with the fact that a divorce is necessary and that they are right. One of the reasons that they want to pull away from you is that you are always disagreeing with them. Who want s to pull away from someone who agrees with them?

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Act Happy

Act happy about the staus quo. You have told your spouse that they are right, now go and enjoy your freedom and give the relationship some space. If you are separated don't call all the time to try to convince your partner to stay with you or that you will love them. This is the worst thing you can do. Keep conversation light and happy and focus on helpful practicalities such as what time to pick up the kids. Make communication light and happy. Serious talk hurts a relationship.

Stop working At the Relationship

The solution that most marriage counsellors have for how to stop divorce, is to work at what is going wrong in your marriage and to try to improve it. However it is working at a relationship that makes it not work! When you criticize, complain, argue explain what 's not working you are working to improve your mate. You are disagreeing with them and you can probably see that this just makes everything worse. Allow and accept 100% what your spouse thinks, feels or does.

If you put your hands up, surrender and focus on the positive aspects in your relationship, your spouse will not have a leg to stand on and will come around to your way of thinking.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Can counseling save a marriage? Counseling is affording a couple the opportunity to air their problems to each other with an unbiased third party. In many instances this has proved to be successful, but in the end it's up to the couple's desire to save the marriage that will determine success.

Taking each other for granted after marriage can lead to a couple almost passing each other without even acknowledgment, until one day they suddenly realize they don't really know each other.

Sad though this is, it happens in many marriages and the pleasure which they once had in each other's company seems to have somehow been lost. They don't talk they don't laugh together and quite often, don't even notice one another.

Others find that everything the partner does aggravates them and they find they are constantly arguing. This is more often than not due to frustration in the relationship rather than any particular disagreement.

Counseling will bring a couple together in order for them to talk, maybe for the first time in ages, about how they are feeling and what they want out of the marriage.

Financial problems can be resolved by discussion with a counselor who can show you the right way to tackle the problem. The solution is up to you, but it can sometimes help to be guided in the right direction.

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A counselor isn't there to pass opinions but merely to listen and make a few comments which will help you to see things as they really are. When you are close to a problem you don't always see it clearly, but standing back from it can make things seem so much simpler.

If you've reached the stage where you think marriage counseling may help to resolve some of your problems, then there is hope. After all you would hardly consider such an action if you have no interest in saving your marriage.

Be prepared to listen as well as air your own views. You'll sometimes be quite surprised what your partner has to say. Try to laugh at some of the issues, as once they are brought out into the open they can often be seen as quite funny. In any event laughter is a good healer.

The way we live today makes life very stressful and a lot of people live in fear. Fear of not being able to pay their way, fear of losing their job, fear of being considered unfit for certain work, fear of rejection. These are very real and can cause terrible feelings of inadequacy. It can make some people draw back from their loved ones and become totally introverted.

Love and support from your partner helps you through these fears, but they can't help you if they don't know they exist. Counseling may help you to bring these things out into the open.

Now Listen Carefully-

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