Raising a Child With a Positive Body Image

Many of us hate our bodies. We shun swim suits. We are quick to find fault. Some of us are even self-loathing. The question is do you want your child to grow up with these insecurities, too? If not, what can we do as parents to help our child grow up feeling good about his/her body? And what can we do to try and prevent our child from developing an eating disorder?

This month, I interviewed Becky Henry, a life coach, CPCC, who specializes in working with families fighting eating disorders to give us some guidance. Henry shared with me that more people die from eating disorders than any other mental illness, so we need to take this issue seriously.

Q. What role do parents play in preventing eating disorders and promoting a positive body image?

A. Two things are of utmost importance. First, examine the comments you make to your child. So, for instance, instead of saying to your daughter, “You look so pretty today.” which teaches her to assess her beauty through your eyes a better thing to say might be “What a nice job you did in dressing yourself.” or “You did a great job putting together your outfit.” Saying a child is “cute” is superficial but acknowledging what’s INSIDE the child acknowledges who they are being. It’s a subtle difference, but an important one. It’s especially important for Dads to acknowledge skills versus looks so the girl learns that men don’t just see me for how I look.

The second thing is that moms need to be sure that they don’t make disparaging comments about their own body. And dads should not comment about the mom’s size, either! Try not to make comments about other people’s weight or size, either, because your comments are being recorded by your kids.

Q. How should a parent counteract the media images of models with perfect bodies?

A. Don’t even have fashion magazines in your house! If you choose to, explain that all of the pictures are retouched and computer-enhanced. Look for pores, bumps and brown spots on the models’ skin. You won’t find any! Explain that that isn’t real and that they shouldn’t try to look like that. Have them try to figure out how a computer altered the pictures. Acknowledge the power that those pictures have.

Watch TV with your children. Ask them: What values about women do you think are being communicated in this show? How are women being treated by men? Counter those differences with your own values.

Q. What’s the best thing to say if your child says “I’m fat.” or “My thighs jiggle.”?

A. That’s a tricky question. Be sensitive to who your child is. Ask the child what makes you think that you’re fat? Where did you get that idea? If the child is not overweight, explain that people come in all different shapes and sizes. You can give the child affirmations that looks are nice but other qualities are much more valuable. The book “Real Kids Come in All Sizes” has some nice body esteem affirmations for kids such as “I can enjoy pictures of beautiful people and still feel good about myself.”

If the child is overweight, ask the child what the impact is on their health and what they can do about it? Brainstorm ideas on how they can get healthier and exercise more. Thank them for talking to you about it.

Q. What do you think of the “clean your plate” mantra many parents use?

A. I think it’s a big mistake. It takes the power away from the child. Parents should focus on healthy nutrition by offering a variety of food at a variety of times. It’s up to the child to decide when s/he is full.

Q. Should parents offer desserts?

A. It’s OK to have a dessert after their hunger is satisfied with nutritious choices.

Q. What’s the best way to educate your children about nutrition?

A. You begin educating children from birth by what you feed them and the chatter that accompanies it about food. Talk about how our bodies need lots fruits and vegetables a day to be strong.

Q. What are some of the red flags that a child may have an eating disorder?

A. A child who is very perfectionistic, thinks that they are fat, eats very little, puts food in their napkin, pushes food around the plate or categorizes what foods they will or won’t eat indicate red flags. If you see any of these red flags, go to www.nationaleatingdisorders.org and educate yourself. Not many pediatricians are educated about eating disorders and a child will generally lie to a doctor about their eating habits because being secretive is another one of the problems.

Q. What else should we know?

A. If your child is in sports, you should have a conversation with the coach. Tell the coach, “I need to know if you will be making any comments about by child’s body, size or weight?” The coach may be shocked, but if every parent asked that question, it would open their eyes. Tell the coach you will pull your child off the team if you hear one comment made. For boys, swimming, wrestling, cross-country running and dance are the worst sports. For girls, its dance, gymnastics, swimming and cross-country running.

Henry’s website is: www.hopenetwork.info. A book she highly recommends is” Real Kids Come in All Sizes: 10 Essential Lessons to Build Your Child’s Body Esteem” by Kathy Kater.