Redefining Quality Family Time

There is something truly special about a well bonded family. Some of the closest families are those where there is only a one parent household. Sometimes single parent households bring out bonds between a parent and a child that might not have existed otherwise. Unfortunately, sometimes those households are often most at risk of losing quality family time together.

I am very fortunate in that I have lived in the three standard family situations. I have been married with kids and divorced. I have been the single mom with two kids. And for the last several years, I have been the mom to a wonderful blended family of five children. Through it all, my kids have never doubted our family ties because no matter what, I have always made sure we had quality family time together.

Valuing Quality Time

Unfortunately, I know many people who think they are spending quality time with their kids, but they aren’t.

Just prior to taking Christmas vacation, I heard a colleague, whom I’ll call Jacob, talk about spending time with his children. Recently divorced, he has primary custody of his kids. I was in shock when Jacob expressed how he couldn’t wait to get a break from his kids over the holidays, as he was shipping them off to another city to be with their mom.

For me, the best part of the holidays is that all my kids come back home. I value every second I get to spend with them. The hardest holidays for me are the ones where my kids go off to their father’s house because I know I will miss the holiday memories they make that year.

Understanding Quality Time

But there is more to quality time than getting the entire family together over the holidays. Quality time is something that should happen daily in a family.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have been in so much shock at Jacob’s delight of a “kid free vacation”, but I know him very well. Over the last year I have spent a great deal of time with his family. So what I also know is his “time with the kids” is far from quality time. What about you? How would you define the time you spend with your kids?

Does it go something like this?

You come home from work exhausted and shout down the hall, “Hello!” Your child, still in his room, continues playing on the computer, watching television, or talking on his cell phone with friends. If you’re lucky, he may utter a “Hello!” back at you.

Or does your day go like this?

You come home from work exhausted and start dinner. Your child joins you at the dinner table and you converse over questions like, “How did you do on your math test today?” “What was the best part of your day today?” “What do you want to do this weekend?”

Families who spend quality time together stay close. They form the bond needed to help each other through things when it seems the whole world has turned on them. They hold each other together in the future.

I cannot imagine what it is like for the kids in Jacob’s family. They do not get the love and security that comes from spending time together. Maybe it works for their family. But my experience as a mom, a teacher and a nurse has taught me kids need parents to take an active role in their lives.

I'm not the perfect parent. I go crazy yelling about silly things, and often times I'm too exhausted to cook a healthy dinner (I have my kids convinced a bucket of chicken is healthy, but I think they really know mom is just trying to justify not cooking tonight).

All those things aside, my kids know that I love them. They know they are my favorite people to hang out with, and they know that no matter how tired or busy or frustrated I am, I am always on their side.

Quality Time Ideas

If you’re already spending quality time with your family – great! If you think your relationship with your kids might be a bit like Jacob’s, then I have a few suggestions to help you.

1. Game Nights

Game nights are a big deal at our house. They usually take place on Saturday nights and have been known to go in to the wee hours of the morning. During game nights we joke about everything, even dad’s “angry game moments”.

2. Plan Time

Game nights don’t just happen at my house. They are part of the planning and goal setting that bonds our family. Tim and I are well aware our family isn’t the average American family. We plan together for our future. We laugh and play and poke fun way more than any other family I have ever seen.

And I am glad we’re different because it has built an incredible bond between us that comes from getting to know each other. It’s the kind of bond you get from laying down next to the kids and talking for hours about spirituality or relationships or the complexities of the English language! Kids just want your time.

[Ed. Note: If your family relationships are in need of repair, check out our program designed to help you rebuild those relationships. Purchase the Living Every Minute Audio program on our website today.]