Epiphany.....a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
As I have lived a number of years, it wasn't until recently that I decided to live for MYSELF. For years I lived to be accepted...whatever it took to be loved by others. For years, I lived to be what everyone wanted me to be and for years I feverishly failed. Being accepted, happy, confident, content, are not conscience desires - they're a state of mind which should be developed in our earlier formative years. All along....I had these attributes, but I was not allowed to nurture them.
Attributes flourish for those who are allowed to love THEMSELVES. They give you your ideals of who you are. I had no time to learn to love myself or figure out my ideals, my mother demanded all the love, she needed the acceptance, she demanded the attention, she wanted to be admired - she even demanded the love I should have had for yourself.
As long as I can remember, my past was filled with rejection, dissatisfaction, disappointment, shame. According to my mother, I never measured up to the other girls, I was always uglier, I was stupid because of my thoughts or ideas, I was reminded that what I had to say never mattered. It hurt, but it was true that my mother failed to accept me as a viable person - so I lived inside myself - figuratively.
For years, I felt insignificant. I didn't talk in groups for fear of not having anything interesting to say, I never wanted to be a leader, for fear of too much attention drawn – I feared being noticed because of feeling that I was unattractive or look for any accolades because I felt I wasn't due any.
It wasn’t until one morning recently, that I awakened from a fog and I questioned, who is more worthy of my love?
In life, we waste valuable time accommodating family, friends, relationships, the job that never really had a definitive end - because we know of no other way of life. These tools that should have been our instruments of life
to help mold us, were for some, stumbling blocks.
When we realize all that's happened to us in life and how it has affected us, we are left to build a foundation for the rest of our lives as we stand tall, with the confidence, strength, empowerment and acceptance within ourselves. Today I can look forward to gazing at my reflection every morning, and realized the JOY that I have found within....what an EPIPHANY!!!!
I am a 54 year old single mother with a career in the United States Government. I have worked for the government in many capacities: US Navy Active Duty, active duty Reserve in Oceana, VA, Civil Service, and as a Government contractor. I played violin, and one of my life long hobbies is music, from the 1960’s to present. As I am ending my government career within the next 4 years, I’d love to have something to do with my time that is meaningful and that I would actually enjoy. I want to make a difference in people’s lives and what better way to do it then through this website.
I have faced many trials, but my spirit has is the gift of compassion and the desire to want to make a difference. Some things I believe in:
1. Facing trials gives you learned experience
2. Wanting to always be the best you can be,
3. Being a part of something for the well-being of others.
I believe if you have something positive within, you shouldn’t keep it bottled up – YOU SHOULD SHARE.