Self Talk. Are you listening?

By Renee Shupe

See all Articles by Renee ShupeSee Renee Shupe's Expert PageGet Updates on Self-Esteem and Self ConfidenceGet Updates on Renee Shupe

Did you know that you talk to yourself all day long? (Yes, you're likely doing it right now. You can't deny it!) Also, I'm not talking about the all of the mental chatter about the various activities and chores you need to remember and manage throughout the day. Yes, it's also self talk but not the type I'm going to discuss, I'm speaking about the things you say to yourself on a regular basis and more specifically the tone and words used.

Think about this: When you make a mistake, how do you react? Do you call yourself derogatory names? Or maybe you berate yourself for being so "stupid". When something becomes too difficult or you cheat on a diet, or you don't exercise as much as you want to do you think of yourself as "worthless" or "pathetic" that you can't even stick to a program or you'll never be able to do anything right?

Self talk can have an incredible positive effect on your life, but just as quickly negative self talk can be extremely damaging your self-esteem and self-worth. You mind cannot distinguish between what is and isn't truth. It simply believes what it hears, so wouldn't it be better to try to feed it positive talk?

When did such messages become part of your minds playlist? Most likely they began as statements you heard from the adults in your life when you were a kid. Think of when you did something wrong when you were a kid, how did they react? Did they yell, call you stupid, or maybe they simply had a habit of saying unkind things to you even when you didn't deserve it. It's an unfair situation that often carries on into our adult life. We often say the same things to ourselves as adults as what we heard as children.

Here's the positive twist on this message:

Since it's your mind you can change your self-talk anytime you want. At first it's not easy, but as you become aware of the tone of your messages you can consciously start to replace them with more positive and encouraging ones.

Here's some tips to help combat your own negative self-talk:

1. Become aware - This isn't something you'll accomplish right way, but start listening to your inner voice. Simply acknowledge the negative self-talk at first, so you know when it's happening.
2. Challenge - This is the next step. When you begin to notice the negative self-talk, challenge it. Ask yourself this simple question..."Is it true?" It might be true some of the time, but more than likely it's NOT always the case.
3. Do the old switcheroo - Now you've been challenging yourself to acknowledge and shut down the old negative self talk, so when you realize you are saying unkind and untrue things to yourself, simply do the switcheroo! This will sound a bit Pollyanna, but turn that thought from a negative to a positive.

Changing your negative thought pattern doesn't happen overnight, but over time your efforts will begin to show as stronger self-esteem and more respect for yourself. The more you work on it though the better you will feel and the more you will want to move away from negative thinking...