Single Mom Finding Love

As another year winded down and a new one begins, I feel a sense of pressure. Don't get me wrong I'm excited to see where this next year leads, but there's this thing creeping up. I have successfully pushed it away before, but I feel it coming again. I used to work in a restaurant, so every New Year's Eve I would always be working. This year so much has changed. One of those things was that I committed full time to my business, and that's made all the difference in my life and success. Since I didn't work New Year's, it's my first one where I could actually make plans. But I didn't have any. That doesn't upset me so much, because I'll spend it with my son, which I love.

Another year has come and gone, and I still haven't found love--or any remote possibilities for it either. I would love to say I'm not trying to rush the process (and I'm not), but dang it, I'm 39. I never thought I'd be 39 and never have been in love. Then again, I never thought I'd be a single mom (not that most single moms do). And being a single mom dating, now there's a story (one for another time though).

Yes, I have a 13-month-old son, but I realized fast that I was not in love with his father. I was in love with the idea of maybe "This is the one." I was trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn't going to work, and I was never going to be happy with him.

And I want to find love... I don't want someone to rescue me; I want a partnership. Someone who really is my best friend, and I am his. Someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. Someone who desires to come home to me, dreams alongside me, and wants to be in the trenches with me. Someone who is open to receive and give love and also knows how to communicate through any disagreement.

I'm on an endeavor-finding love before 40 (September 15, 2014), and part of that scares me. It scares me that I won't find it. It scares me that I'll be alone. It scares me that I won't find a partner. It scares me that I won't have more kids. It scares me that I will never find a great male role model for my son. But most of all, it scares me that I won't be able to truly love someone... and to know what it feels like to truly be loved.

As much fear as I may have around not finding love, I'm optimistic, because I KNOW that I was not put here to be alone. I know that my plan is not the journey I'm on; it's HIS plan. I know that I am a single mom dating, and I WILL find the man of my dreams. I also know that when I walk in faith and not fear, I'm able to accomplish, succeed, and love more than I ever thought possible. I know the opportunities to find my love will come, so I'm open to anywhere they might be. When opportunities do appear, I KNOW I'm ready for them, holding my arms and heart wide open.

This New Year creates new chances for my love to find me, because he may be looking for me right now. No more time for fear, because that will only keep me right where I am and never move me toward my future husband. There is only time for good, positive thoughts, because THIS is MY year for Finding Love Before 40--so come and get me!