The Pitfalls of Romance

BEING IN LOVE WITH ROMANCE

Romantic love is exciting and feels wonderful but it is not the love that keeps couples together over time. There comes a day in every committed relationship when you look at your partner and mumble, “What was I thinking?” At that point romance seems gone for good.

Romance is a feeling, a deep longing we have for someone who will cherish us. When that longing is being fulfilled by watching a romantic movie, or by getting to know someone special, we ride an emotional high. You would think fulfillment of longing would be a good thing but there is one catch.

After fulfillment people start missing the longing, and the hope and planning that go with it. Even though your relationship can experience emotional highs over the years, they will never come as easily as the first weeks or months in bliss-land with your partner.

Keep in mind:
- Feelings are not relationship glue. During disagreements or difficult times loving feelings are hard to come by.

- Love, in a committed relationship, is most often a verb. It is less about how you feel and much more about how you treat your partner: what you do for them (or not) no matter how you feel.

- For many young women, the wedding day is something they have looked forward to, perhaps planned for, for years. It is a special day in a person’s life and can be prolonged by a honeymoon but, after a few hours or days of celebration it is back to the chores and simple pleasures of daily life. It is normal for some people to feel let down or disappointed when this happens.

Note: Have you ever known anyone that hops from one relationship to another? People that are addicted to the cycle of romantic longing and fulfillment will say “adios” after the special feelings fade. 


THE BLINDING EFFECT OF BLISS

If love is blind, then romantic love is blind and a little soft in the head. It seems our reason doesn’t just sit in the back seat during relationships bliss - it locks itself in the trunk. This is part of why romance feels so good.

Every now and then remind yourself of a few things:
- All of your partner’s annoying or troublesome behaviors, that are easy to overlook under the influence of romance, will not go away after it fades. They will not be easy to to overlook, either.

- If the physical chemistry between the two of you is lackluster before commitment, it will be afterward (unless each partner is willing to work at making intimacy better). If anything, familiarity and daily life puts a damper on the chemistry that brings couples together.

- If your partner does not treat you with respect before commitment, don’t look for respect after you’ve made the pact.

Enjoy the dream with your eyes open

Planning to marry, or creating another type of union, is like preparing for your first primitive camping trip. Even if you’ve always dreamed of trying it, you will likely have some anxiety. In your excitement you are aware there will be bugs, rain, and getting up in the night to pee in the woods. You may get lost. Of course, you will still take the trip but you will also take bug spray and a rain poncho.

Finding romance and deciding to commit is also an adventure and well worth the effort. It’s important however, to pay attention to the qualities and behaviors of your partner during the excitement of dreaming and planning. They will be in the relationship after the union, only without the natural emotional high.