The Love-Sex Connection

When we talk about the dimensions of the sexual relationship within the sphere of marriage, we always think of two individuals who share common thoughts and emotions with the “fusion” of their bodies. The individuals are normally in a state of gratifying and dedicated physical intimacy. The core of this aspect of the relationship is the emotional link that ties them together. In the marriage bed, couples don’t just make love, they GIVE love to each other. It is the sharing of love that defines the distinction of the love-sex connection that exists between married couples.

It comes as no surprise that the same forces that affect our mental and emotional love can also impair our capacity to GIVE love to our spouses. The common dark forces that can work against your capacity to give LOVE and to respond to it include:

* ANXIETY

It is difficult to be naked and open when you are not comfortable when your spouse is around. Consider this – if you are putting down or deriding your spouse, can you expect them to respond with enthusiasm and fervor every time you feel like hopping in bed with them? On the other hand, if your spouse feels secure and grounded in the marriage, the drive to run away and take cover when you make the “move” will surely fade away.

If the anxiety attacks experienced by your spouse are caused by factors that have nothing to do with your marriage, then this feeling of apprehension will still affect the sexual relationship. Fear will always make it impossible to achieve the desired level of security and relaxation. This is also the prevailing condition when a project, situation or decision affects your spouse’s composure. In all these instances, the root cause of the anxiety has to be appropriately addressed in order to remove the barriers to sex.

* FATIGUE

You and your spouse are expected to manage your time wisely. If you are wise enough, then you will find the perfect way to monitor the external demands on your time and energy. Proper time management is essential, and you must be able to get your priorities right to make sure that you have both the time and energy for sex. The technique may not necessarily be complicated since it will normally involve simple tasks like going to bed early or have sex in the morning.

There are certain phases of your daily routine which can be exceedingly stressful. A newly married couple with young kids will be torn between the high-stress quotient associated with high sex drive and the enormous exhaustion brought about by the pressures of caring of the small children. If you find yourself in this kind of setting in your marriage, then there are things that you must be aware of.

Here is a simple guide that you and your spouse must follow so you don’t get tired of sex.

· Don’t blame each other. Instead work out your problems as a couple.
· Make the necessary changes in your daily routine. Sacrifice some of your outside commitments for the sake of your marriage. Bring your expectations and demands to a more realistic level so that you are able to “deliver the goods” when the need arises.
· Work on the other aspects of your marriage.
· Make child-rearing a joint responsibility between you and your spouse.
· Make humor an integral part of your relationship.

* DIVERSE SEXUAL PREFERENCES

There are a lot of reasons why we refer to the opposite sex as such. The literal reference to the opposing variables defines the degree of divergence in sexual preferences between you and your spouse. This contradiction in several aspects of your sexual preferences and behavior can be the major source of resentment and arguments. Clashing expectations and differing perceptions can lead to serious complications, and if not properly resolved, can lead serious damage to your relationship.

This is the main reason why it is important for men to understand that their wives need romance and cuddling since these are separate elements in their sexual relationships. Giving love is not about following the accepted norms of sexual engagement. Loving your spouse through sex should be an act that you undertake exclusively for them and not just for any man or woman.

* EGOTISM

The main objective of the sex act is to transform oneself into a loving gift to your spouse. It is a sincere affirmation of your lifelong devotion to your spouse. This mindset is in direct contravention to one’s inclination to the feeling of self-centeredness. Think of what you possess physically which you can give to your spouse. Learn how you can express your sincerity and devotion without being manipulative and demanding. It is also important that you reinforce the feeling of your spouse that you are committed to them both in bed and out of it.

* REMORSE

The feeling of guilt can either be due to real or imagined things, but just the same, it can affect your sexual relationship. Genuine things that create feelings of guilt have to be resolved by married couples. The event must be followed by genuine repentance, acceptance and forgiveness. There has to be a deliberate and focused removal of the factors that separate you from your spouse.

* BITTERNESS, ANGER AND EMOTIONAL DIVIDE

This negativity that impedes your capacity to GIVE love can be due to several factors. However, the fundamental realities remain the same. When the triggers are properly addressed, the barriers to our capacity to GIVE love will also be eliminated. On the other hand, if you fail to address these negativities, your sexual relationship will also suffer.

Our being human is defined by our physical body and our mind, and we bring both to the marriage. Both are engaged in our sexual engagements. As our mental and emotional intimacy matures and deepens, the physical aspect of our relationship also matures and deepens.

"Keep your ring and be Always Happily Married! It is not only easier; it is what you pledged to and be celebrated" - Norman Csarni - Founder of Build My Marriage

http://www.buildmymarriage.com