Want to Win Your Husband Back? Here's How to Get Started

If you're researching how to win your husband back, then you are probably where I was a few years ago - either your marriage isn't as stable as you'd like, or your husband has mentioned leaving or divorcing, or you feel that you're relationship is headed in a dangerous direction. I have no way of knowing the issues that lead up to this event or whose fault they were. In the end, it doesn't matter for my purposes because I've found that the process for getting your marriage back is similar regardless.

The Goal Is To Make Your Husband Want To Come Back On His Own (And The Mistakes Wives Often Make To Prevent This): Many wives (myself included) mistakenly believe that what we really need to do to get our husbands home is to show and reassure them how much we love them. We try to do this in a couple of ways. Sometimes we try to give them a glimpse of how good the marriage can be once we make necessary changes. Or, we try to take them a trip down memory lane so that they'll remember the good times and want to come back to us. Here's the problem with these tactics. Often in trying to get our points across and change our husband's minds, we end up appearing way too needy, desperate, and unstable. These traits often seem unattractive to men with one foot out the door. We text, call, follow, beg, buy gifts and bribes, and talk their ears off. Of course, we are only trying to get our points across and be heard, but to our husbands this just makes us appear high maintenance and needy. This often drives them further away. (Unfortunately, I learned this hard way. I made nearly every mistake I'm suggesting you not make. You can read that story here.)

Here is what we need to do instead. Rather than giving our husbands a first-row seat to our broken hearts and demonstrating our desperation regularly, it's best to express our sorrow and our strong desire to save the marriage only once. Once you've been heard, then it's time to change course and show that you respect and love both you and your husband enough to conduct yourself attractively (preferably as the person your husband first fell in love with).

Returning To Who You Once Were (And Getting Back What You Once Had): I don't need to tell any woman how hard it is to be a wife or a mother in today's society. Most of us have responsibilities, jobs, kids, aging parents, and homes to care for. This leaves us depleted and struggling to give everything (and everyone) our divided attention. As a result, we're often tired, scattered, and needing a break.

This is reality and it is no one's fault, but it's also probably a sharp contrast to who you were when you were first dating or married. And it's horrible for a marriage. Because it's very likely (I know at least in my case) that the woman you were when you were dating your husband was exciting, engaging, intriguing, and extremely interested in your husband and his feelings and needs. The result of this combination? Your husband fell deeply in love with you and wanted to marry you. And, I'd be willing to bet that when disagreements or issues arose, your husband blew them off or glossed them over. People deeply in love often don't dwell on problems because they get in the way of their blissful relationship. This is the point where you need to return to win your husband back. How do you do this?

Concentrate On Creating Positive Feelings Rather Than Drastic, Insincere Changes: Many women assume they have to drastically change their appearance or their behavior and that all of this is a lost cause because they are no longer young and/or carefree. This just isn't true. I firmly believe that a man cares more about how you make him feel about himself than about how you look or even how he feels about you. (Think about this, how many times have you heard someone say of a mistress - "but she isn't even pretty." No, sometimes she isn't even as pretty as you, but she learned how to make the husband feel good about himself). I'm not saying you don't have to pay attention to your appearance. You do, but it's not the most important thing.

What's most important is that you create positive situations and feelings. You want your husband to see or think of you with affection, respect, and empathy. Truly, a husband just isn't going to feel that positively toward a wife who's moping around or nagging him, exhibiting insecurity, questioning him, or wanting to talk about their problems for hours on end.

Instead, you want to display to him a woman who loves herself enough to pursue what makes her happy even during a difficult situation. So get out. See friends. Take up old hobbies that used to make time standstill. Have some fun, even if it's on your own or with mutual friends. (The mutual friend option is a good one because your "good times" will get back to your husband.)

In the end, you want your husband to know that while you love him and want very much to save the relationship, you love yourself enough to continue with your life as the fully alive, alluring woman he first loved. In my experience, which you can read about here,) this may well pique your husband's interest and make him more receptive to you. If it doesn't, it will at least make you feel better, dilute the tension and anger, and make your relationship more positive which will make things easier in the future.

To sum it up, if you want to win your husband back, display the woman he first fell in love with. He's already shown that she's a woman he loves enough to commit to. If he's not receptive to you right now, you may have to work this angle for a longer time and take smaller baby steps, but the process is the same and I am living proof that winning your husband back (even when he thinks he doesn't want to return) is completely possible.

How do I know this? Because I lived it. I had to use this approach when I trying to save my marriage (and was the only one who wanted to). I made a lot of mistakes, but eventually, I was able to change course and regain my husband's interest. Over time, (and with taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and avoid the divorce. You can click here to read more on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com