Why Am I Sabotaging My Marriage: Sabotaging A Relationship Subconsciously - How To Avoid Sabotaging Your Relationship

Why Am I Sabotaging My Marriage: Sabotaging A Relationship Subconsciously - How To Avoid Sabotaging Your Relationship

Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly.

"Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins," declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you.

It's easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to be become obsessed with how things "should" have been and how others "should" have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction.

When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. "If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources," states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind.

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Dr. Wayne Dyer, in "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace," states: "It's your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be." He continues by saying, "It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely." Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom.

What, then, is the antidote? How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now?

The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can't change what has happened, and you can't control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.

You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.

Thomas Fuller observes, "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation.

You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so that you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment.

Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring that inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself.

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However upset you are that your marriage is over, you must understand that you have to consider a few things before rushing around trying to fix the problem. The thing is, unless you or your spouse just had an affair, the chances are that the problems you are experiencing in your marriage have been building up over the years.

Now when something has taken a long time to develop, there is no way that it can be rectified or altered quickly. If it took a long time to happen, then it will also take a long time to fix. However, what you should do is do something immediately to get the process going, so that you can eventually decide whether to try to save the marriage or not. Your marriage is over - what went wrong, and should you try to fix it?

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Before you can try to fix your marriage, it is very important that you first figure out what went wrong. After all, you and your spouse need to discuss your situation, and if you don't know what the problems are, then the whole exercise will be pointless. You have to be sure though, that you and your spouse are going to be able to have a calm discussion about your issues, or, instead of your problems being solved, they will become worse.

You and your spouse need to discuss the severity of the problems in your marriage, and whether there is a chance that they can be fixed or not. Of course, another very important factor to talk about is whether your feelings for each other are as strong as they used to be. If you do still love each other as before, then, although it will be some time before your problems are solved, there is a very good chance that you can save your marriage.

Your marriage is over and it could mean that you and your spouse separate. Although this is a drastic step to take, there could very well be a positive side to it as well. It will give both you and your spouse time to get over the split, figure out what your true feelings are for each other, and come to a firm decision as to what you should do about your situation.

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I am falling out of love with my husband is not an easy thing for any woman to admit. Marriage is a strong commitment and if you feel the dynamic between you and your spouse changing it can leave you wondering whether saving the relationship is possible or not. If you do want to keep your marriage and family together there are things you can do to fall back in love with your spouse once again.

Negativity is one of the cornerstones for the shift in feelings that many people experience during the course of a marriage. We all start out with rose colored glasses on. We believe that the honeymoon phase will last forever and that our relationship is above and beyond all others. If you've felt this way and now are in a place where you are questioning your feelings for your spouse, you are not alone. It's something many women experience. Consider your own attitude towards your husband. If you find that you focus more on what you don't like about him rather than the qualities you find appealing about him, that will impact what you're feeling. Make a conscious and determined effort to only see the good in him. When those negative feelings start to creep into your mind, push them back.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Men often shift their attitude based on the level of stress they are experiencing. If your husband carries a heavy workload in terms of his career or if you two are facing financial hardships that can change how he interacts with you. If you take that personally it's going to result in you resenting him and how he's treating you. Instead of going on the defense when his stress level becomes too high and he reacts negatively with you, find a way to help him better manage it. Do what you can to help him deal with things. It will not only help him feel more relaxed and emotionally open but it will also create a closer bond between you two.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

A marriage counselor is the obvious way to go when your marriage is in a crisis and you want to save it. However, this choice is not so helpful if you are the only side that wants to save the marriage - when your spouse clearly wants to divorce, a marriage counselor won't be of as much help to you. So this leaves the burden of having to save your marriage on your shoulders alone. But don't worry - I have done it and you can too.

When you see your marriage failing, it's often the case that you go desperate to do something at once to save your marriage. This is harmful - not only because it makes you do wrong things in desperation, but also because it robs you of your ability to see what exactly is going wrong in your marriage. If you can't think on what really is wrong, then you can't act to correct this, right?

So, the first step is to take a honest look at yourself and your marriage. Where did it go wrong? what mistakes did you do that contributed to the crisis? A very important point is that you truly understand your part in causing the distress in the marriage. You have no mistakes, all mistakes are coming from your spouse? Then don't be married - obviously you are a perfect person and nobody can be a worthy spouse to you!

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

The importance of understanding your mistakes comes from a very crucial point that is not so obvious. If you want to correct things, then you obviously need to tell your spouse that you are aware of the mistakes you have made and would like to fix them. But here's the crucial point: Your spouse will be inclined to think that you are doing this not because you have really grasped your mistakes - he or she will think that you are doing this simply because you want to save your marriage. If this happens, then your "admitting" of your guilt will simply serve to ruin your credibility in the eyes of your spouse!

This is why you need to really understand your mistakes - because if you haven't, you won't be able to convince your spouse otherwise. In my own marriage, understanding my own mistakes was the initial and decisive step - I am still with my husband and our marriage is great now - thanks to the principles I have been taught.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.