Winning With Willful Children

In the parent-child relationship, regard your child’s attitudes and behaviors as reflections of your own.
The 3-year-old who has been displaying“strong-willed” tendencies sinceearly infancy is most likely portraying the strong-willed character of a parent.
While you can look at this as a genetic condition, you can almost always find that relating with the child in certain ways leads the child into more cooperative behavior.
Tips for parents of “strong willed” children:
Avoid “butting heads” with the child, otherwise you incite his stronger opposition.
Whenever you find yourself in a power-struggle with the child, stop struggling, step back, and consider other options.
When you enter a frustrating power-struggle, regard your own strong-will or “stubborn streak” as the cause.
As you model a more flexible approach to child behavior, you will produce a more flexible response from your child.
To engage in a power struggle is to lose your power. You NEVER need to power-struggle with your child.
Parents are often far too prone to resort to stern, angry, threatening reactions to their child’s non-compliance.
Yelling, complaining, spanking, threatening, time outs and other forms of punishment are NOT your only options.
In fact, these typically produce MORE child discipline problems and lead to WORSENING CONFLICT in the parent-child relationship.
Usually, the “strong willed” child simply wants to be self-reliant and self-directed.He possesses high intelligence and wants to use it.
These children can often be extremely charming and well-mannered when they are NOT frustrated.
Her poor behavior comes out of frustration.
Much of her frustration comes from not being able to tell you want she wants.
This prompts her to quickly develop a high level of understanding what she is told, and a high level of linguistic dexterity (skillful use of vocabulary) early on.
But the instant that you thwart this child’s will, a sort of “wild animal” may emerge.
More tips for parents of “strong willed” children:
Avoid thwarting the child’s will more than necessary. Keep the child feeling content, secure and in control as much as possible. This prevents the child from developing wild, destructive reaction-patterns.
When you want her to do something and she resists, calm down and step back, instead of forging on with increasing intensity. Consider your options for a peaceful, happy, harmonious outcome.
Don’t worry about “spoiling” your child by doing what you can to keep him feeling calm, content and secure.
When he feels calm, content and secure his higher intelligence and loving nature can guide him.
Over time these higher levels of behavior develop into stronger patterns. He will be more responsible on his own and display a decreasing pattern of irrational conflict and emotional meltdowns.
Be sure to NOT react to child behavior or to impose discipline displaying a behavior or emotional reaction that you do not want your child to repeat, because nature programs children to do as we do.
If you are feeling at your wits-end in your parent-child relationship, realize that your own impatient, willful pattern is at the root of it.