Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. Being a borderline (having BPD) is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time on the border between reality and ... Views: 30
When shame becomes toxic, it can ruin our lives. Everyone experiences shame at one time another. It’s an emotion with physical symptoms like any other that comes and goes, but when it's severe, it can be extremely painful. Strong feelings of shame stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, ... Views: 56
Ten Guidelines for Establishing Healthy Trust
“How do I know if someone is trustworthy?”
“How can I become trustworthy?”
“How can I ever trust again?”
Healthy trust is hard work. Betrayal, neglect, abuse, addiction and abandonment damage healthy trust but it’s never too late to learn how ... Views: 37
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Some patients develop codependent behaviors and traits in the wake of a life crisis, especially if it involves an abandonment and resulting solitude (e.g. divorce, or an empty nest: when one’s children embark on their own, ... Views: 48
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Deserving - by Kasia Jarosinska (www.spiritualshifts.com)
One of the most difficult layers for us to resolve is the one related to self-love. What is self-love? It is the ability to view who you are with unconditional compassion and acceptance. I’ve mentioned this before, and it is worth mentioning this again: anytime we are trying to “fix” something ... Views: 85
Women of certain generations were brought up to please, aid, assist, and make life easier for everyone. They were trained to be the most excellent of handmaidens and helpmates. It was their raison d’être. They were not to stand out, stand above, or be noticed. They were to be the silent and ... Views: 74
I thought if I played by the rules and did everything the way THEY said I should like a good little Catholic girl, I’d feel safe. I’d grow up, get married and have lots of kids like my Mom and live happily ever after.
Why would I even think that since Mom wasn’t living happily ever ... Views: 174
The idea of detachment mesmerized me when I heard about it in Al-Anon. To let go of the ones you love seemed unloving and uncaring and certainly not Christian. But it also seemed to be the NIRVANA you could reach even while living with an alcoholic.
I detached from my alcoholic father by ... Views: 137
Could it be that all of our problems stem from not listening to God? If prayer is talking to God and intuition is God talking to us, maybe we need to listen more. When I was in the midst of my crazy life with alcoholics from my father to my husbands, I felt abandoned by God because I prayed and ... Views: 108
As I write this, I'm 690 miles from my office in Los Angeles. Actually, I'm in Park City, Utah enjoying a glass of Pinot and writing to you. I'm here on a family vacation getting some much needed rest and a modified digital detox.
One of the benefits I've experienced since leaving the office ... Views: 138
" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." Steve Jobs
Someone recently asked me the definition of Codependency, so let's take a look at what we can see to help uncover this complicated phenomenon. The visual I have is someone who is suppose to be driving his own ... Views: 234
Within the last week, I've had the opportunity to see the movie "Divergent" not once but twice due to the fact that the movie (and book) is all the rage with girls and my daughter is no exception. It's your typical good versus evil plot but the twist is a young woman named "Tris" who's ... Views: 283
"What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do." Tim Ferriss
How did we become a society that cannot hear the word No? Why are we so sensitive to being told No? There is yes and there is No, there is night and day, dark and light, yin and yang, and on and on. So to be balanced ... Views: 248
At times, one is going to feel the need to help another; either through someone asking for help or as a result of one offering their hand without being asked. And as human beings need help from time to time, it is good thing that there are people like this in the world.
To help another ... Views: 253
The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.
As we are coming out of hibernation, it is time to look around ... Views: 376
When people talk about what it means to be an adult, being independent is never too far away. Here, one will be empowered to live their own life and to support themselves. So whereas a child is dependent on their caregivers to survive, an adult is not dependent on anyone in particular.
And so ... Views: 297
“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends and it will get you the right ones.”
We all have been there! Maybe you had a friend or you know someone now who is in a big DRAMA! The situation keeps getting worse and you can’t believe the stories… affairs, lying, addictions, bills not paid, ... Views: 334
Perfectionism is an addiction, meaning we’re repeatedly unable to stop our perfectionist behaviors. Like other addictions, perfectionism varies in severity and can have negative consequences. It harms our self-esteem, make us unable to accept other people’s differences and their mistakes and ... Views: 320
Fun is important in our relationship. Having fun releases different chemicals in the brain that engender good feelings which get then associated with our partner. This is a good thing. Having fun with our partner should be a priority in our relationship. We can get huge returns on this ... Views: 392
The majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address ... Views: 437
There is a tendency towards passiveness in our relationship as time passes.
Couples get comfortable in their routine, whether it is an efficient and satisfying routine or not, and lax in their relating, whether they are on the same page or not. They settle into whatever relating they have ... Views: 347
“It comes from saying No to 1000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do to much.” Steve Jobs
Are you beginning to see where we need our tools, ability to say No, ability to make requests, ability to speak our truth in order be a good leader, and in order to be able ... Views: 309
Share Good Vibes With Your Partner
We are energy. We look like solid entities in our human form only because of our limited human faculties. We are energetic beings with vibrational frequencies. Imagine us as energy waves, reaching further than apparent by the illusion of our human ... Views: 262
There is no better way to create wonderful memories and meaning in one’s relationship than with rituals. Rituals are a special way to show love, appreciation and importance for the partners throughout time in the life of the relationship.
Relationships are made up of interactions between two ... Views: 336
Couple relationships experiencing difficulties can be categorized into two broad styles of relating: temperamental or tenuous, and can fluctuate between these extremes. These relationships are not satisfying, and not likely to succeed – enjoy couples’ inherent synergy, as the partners are spent ... Views: 422
One characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other’s lives. Duh-ah! I’m sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other’s lives.
Partners have difficulties negotiating what this means to ... Views: 326
Be Awesome With Your Partner!
How badly do you want to have an awesome relationship with your partner?How committed are you to making the relationship work? Is failure an option? Do you have one foot out the door? I hear partners complain about how they want things to be different, but they ... Views: 231
You might not have a chance if you keep this up: A tendency to look for weaknesses, gaps, holes, things to improve, deficiencies and the like, and miss the boat on capitalizing on strengths in your relationship. We bring this tendency to how we view our partner and how we relate with them. We ... Views: 379
One would think that connecting with our partner is an easy feat. After all they are the one person we are supposed to be the most intimate with. This is most often not the case and we are actually not that intimate. I find that couples have a very difficult time connecting, feeling connected ... Views: 380
Despite the relief that Craig felt when his wife Sophie did his bookkeeping for his landscape business he was frequently choked with shame. The conflict made him snappy and uninterested in spending leisure time with her. He dreaded going to bed at night because he didn’t want to face his ... Views: 292
Trudy a twenty-nine year old local newspaper reporter and Max a thirty-three year old limousine company owner had endless fights about who was doing the lion’s share of parenting their two children. They argued about what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who should take the blame when ... Views: 302
Driving home from his last landscape design consult, thirty-three year old Craig’s stomach was in knots wondering if Sophie would have gotten over the row she had with her mother the other day. He felt bad for his wife who had tried and failed to arrange a family dinner, taking out her ... Views: 307
Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!!
To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the ... Views: 456
We all have dreams, wishes and goals. There are things we want for ourselves, our partner, our family. Sometimes though we find that it is difficult, if not impossible, to make our wish a reality.
We may want to start a new business, go back to school, learn a new trade, pick up a new hobby ... Views: 388
People usually marry for love. A new phenomenon, only a couple of centuries old, in the history of the institution of marriage and in this culture. I say “usually” because sometimes people just get married because that is the thing to do, again speaking from today’s and ... Views: 251
When was the last time you were physically intimate with your partner? If you say a long time, you are not alone! A lot of couples share their sexual life is in the toilet. They struggle getting along, among other things, to the point that being physically intimate is the furthest thing from ... Views: 435
Regain Your Inner Core By Working On Core Issues
The concept of family goes back to the beginning of time. It’s the traditional social system that shapes our inter-personal dynamics and provides the working model for the story we create about ourselves. Of course, we’ve all been children at ... Views: 272
Partners love telling each other what to do, how to behave, how to be, what to think, how to feel, and even things like what to eat and how to dress! They are on a mission to change their partner, consciously or not. This is a sign of lack of boundaries and personal ... Views: 258
Being seen and accepted for who we are is a basic need that specially plays out in our relationship. I find that the driver behind most conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships has to do with the partners feeling they can’t be themselves in one way or another.
Partners ... Views: 269
Often times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present.
I appreciate their honesty, risk and willingness to explore ... Views: 368
Evolving Through Healthy Detachment
Many Buddhist practitioners claim that the chief cause of suffering stems from any form of attachment; therefore, the converse would also be true, that to experience a sense of peace and well- being would emerge from a process of healthy detachment and ... Views: 235
When we are “too close”, whether we are getting along or not … , we can’t see each other. If we can’t see each other, how can we possibly decide if we like each other and feel attraction?
This concept is confusing to most, when we live in a society where relationships ... Views: 313
Couples usually end up accepting the lack of desire and passion in their relationship as a fact of life for a longterm relationship. They are not happy or satisfied with this, but their attempts at remedying their lack of (passionate) physical intimacy don’t usually succeed.
The reason ... Views: 296
Often times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget ... Views: 377
Mind Your Own Side of the Fence!
We hear all the time that having boundaries is a must for healthy living and happiness in relationship. The only glitch is that a lot of people don’t have the slightest idea about boundaries, never mind about setting them appropriately.
I find that ... Views: 359
Cultivate Your Intimacy!
The hecticness and speediness of today’s pace of life makes it challenging for partners to synchronize, connect and bond. Add to this each partner’s limitations and the journey to Intimacy can feel pretty daunting. It’s no wonder partners ... Views: 431
Attune to Your Partner!
What is a Successful Relationship?
Is being with your spouse, partner, for decades the definition of a successful relationship? Is it raising awesome children? Is it having financial resources, a beautiful home? Is it having our partner do stuff for us? Is it having ... Views: 360
Power exists in all relationships. Having power means to have a sense of control, to have choices and the ability to influence our environment and others. It’s a natural and healthy instinct to exert our power to get our wants and needs met. When we feel empowered, we can manage our emotions, we ... Views: 280
Each time you affirm your true, authentic self, every cell in your body cheers “Yes!” When you negate yourself, it has negative biological consequences. To build self-esteem and affirm your true self, try this:
Take action to meet your needs.
Express who you really are.
Think good thoughts ... Views: 390
Are You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays?
The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and ... Views: 385