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"At work, every time I have to speak at meetings, I get so stressed."
"I’m taking a class and I'm always afraid to raise my hand and ask a question."
"I'm fine one to one, but as soon as I get into a group, I'm so tense I can hardly stand it."
"I'm totally relaxed with my women friends, but ... Views: 4188
Let the dating begin!
10 Common Sense Rules for Healthy Dating
Determine COMPATIBILITY before making a sexual or long-term
COMMITMENT.
*Dating is defined as the information gathering stage of an adult relationship designed to determine the overall compatibility of a potential life ... Views: 4188
Many mental health professionals do not understand the 12-Step recovery process, unless they have participated in a 12-Step program. Although they may encourage their clients to do so, they may feel perplexed or intimated, or act patronizing. Often, therapists don’t realize that the 12-Steps are ... Views: 4132
In some relationships, unhealthy ones to say the least, one person or the other uses their partner as a punching bag as a way of punishment; punishment for hurting them and making them unhappy. Instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness, they make you suffer. They may criticize ... Views: 4102
This Anger Contract was my response to the events chronicled in my previous post, "The Betrayal." A bogus Intervention had been done to me, and had forced me to get in touch with deep anger that I had been trying to release for several years. I knew I needed to do something radical to handle ... Views: 4098
I come from a family with a codependent mother. I am neither judging her nor blaming. But identifying codependency symptoms in her helped me a lot to overcome low self esteem.
Codependency definition :
Codependency is not a disease, it is an emotional and behavioural condition that is learned ... Views: 3784
“It is not where we were that counts,
but where we are going”
When we first find recovery, some of us feel shame and despair at calling ourselves “addicts”. In the beginning, we may be filled with both fear and hope as we struggle to heal and find new meaning in our lives.
The past may ... Views: 3762
Codependents sometimes seem almost misplaced. You seem to have a hard time relating to whom you truly are and for that reason you have a hard time setting boundaries. You have a hard time saying no to people and you let people cross the line of what should be your boundaries and hurt you.
You ... Views: 3704
It's a little known - yet much denied fact - that people treat you the way you secretly ask to be treated. Your unspoken request that determines how others behave toward you is extended to -and received by - everyone you meet.
What is your invisible inner life? It's the way you actually feel - ... Views: 3698
One of the key contributing factor of Procrastination – Indolence
First of all, let’s understand what indolence is. It simply means laziness or disinclined to complete a task or activity, for instance, when you want to lose weight by doing routine exercise, you will delay this task by finding ... Views: 3657
Stop Sabotaging Yourself!
Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong? You are close to having your car paid off and you total it, you are about to win a sports competition and you get injured, you are about ... Views: 3620
"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her."
"How often does this happen?" I asked her.
"Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks."
"Why do you ... Views: 3575
Understanding codependency characteristics first involves understanding where this behavior comes from. Like any pattern of behavior, codependency is learned from family members. Codependency is a survival characteristic, one that is used as a coping mechanism with stressful situations. Much ... Views: 3551
My unofficial definition of the term codependent is an individual who is affected by the actions of others. How do I know if I’m participating in codependent behavior? I start by examining my discomfort. Where does it come from? Is my discomfort caused by the action of another? When I can put my ... Views: 3325
Imagine that you have a little child - a son or daughter, but that you are only 15 years old. How are you going to feel about this child? There is a good possibility that you will feel that this child is a burden, limiting your freedom. You will likely feel that the child is too demanding, ... Views: 3313
Data processing services-
To get proper information in specific and require data format and process your data which can be understand by people.
In the most of BPO (business process outsourcing) companies, converting your data (information) into right data format which is known as data ... Views: 3310
Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend 'helping' that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is ... Views: 3282
How does having an alcoholic spouse affect your holiday season? Is this a time of year you dread because you have to attend parties with a partner whom you fear will get drunk and then behave badly? In fact, do you turn down invitations when you’d prefer to be socializing and celebrating ... Views: 3252
Throughout the first sixteen years of my marriage my husband, Dean, struggled with his addiction to alcohol, prescription pain pills, and crack cocaine. As his addiction continued to get worse, my ability to set healthy boundaries failed. This didn’t happen overnight -- it was a gradual process ... Views: 3230
The dilemmas of codependent men aren’t talked about. Unlike women, men don’t discuss their relationship problems with friends and family. Instead, they internalize their pain. Many are in denial, suffer in silence, or become numb to their needs and feelings. They shun attention and try to do the ... Views: 3193
Clinging and smothering behaviours are the unsavoury consequences of a deep-set existential, almost mortal fear of abandonment and separation. For the codependent to maintain a long-term, healthy relationship, she must first confront her anxieties head on. This can be done via psychotherapy: the ... Views: 3165
For those having been instilled with good Boundaries they may seem as natural as breathing, a way of being in the world that is consistent and makes sense. For those less fortunate poor boundary development can be crippling to ones whole life.
In essence a boundary is a personal line in the ... Views: 3153
"Recovery involves bringing to consciousness those beliefs and attitudes in our subconscious that are causing our dysfunctional reactions so that we can reprogram our ego defenses to allow us to live a healthy, fulfilling life instead of just surviving. So that we can own our power to make ... Views: 3136
Relationship addiction is becoming recognised more and more as a serious problem requiring careful co-dependency counselling. Co-dependency in general terms means two parties in a relationship based on a mutual dependency. Most relationships have a mutual level of healthy dependency. However, ... Views: 3082
Shame is so painful to the psyche that most people will do anything to avoid it – even though it’s a natural emotion that everyone has. It’s a physiologic response of the autonomic nervous system. You might blush, have a rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang your head, slump your ... Views: 3066
There is nothing like Mother's Day to remind you of just how much you have lost and how painful that loss is if you are estranged from your mother due to abandonment (disclosing your abuse, mental illness, drug abuse, physical or emotional abuse etc) or loss.
When I disclosed my abuse to my ... Views: 3048
People looking for the answers to overcoming their love addiction often ask two questions, “What does recovery really mean when it comes to breaking this problem”? ... and “What are key things I need to work on to successfully recover from love addiction”?
When we are new to recovery, we may ... Views: 2991
Love Addiction is an unhealthy obsessive and dysfuntional dependency to another person in relationships. Love Addiction is finally being recognized as a serious problem and a serious addiction in the media and mental health professionals. Some have difficulty believing "love" can become an ... Views: 2970
The monk just finished clearing and purifying his mind with meditation, and decided to have a glorious walk with one of his students. On the walk the student began to spew arrogance, pride, vulgarity, and vanity. The monk quietly said,”please don’t wipe your dirty feet on my mind.”
When ... Views: 2962
We Have Living Proof that You Can Re-write, Re-experience and Re-create Your Life
The Sanctuary at Sedona is a non-12 Step holistic addiction recovery program. We were founded by Dean Taraborelli who was a self-proclaimed ‘chronic relapser’, unsuccessfully seeking addiction recovery for 30 ... Views: 2960
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On Being Normal - by N. Jay Tow, M.S., Board Certified Sexologist
Have you ever wondered if you are normal? Do you spend time comparing yourself to others? It is not uncommon to have these thoughts because we tend to judge many things as being normal or not normal. If people don’t perceive themselves as having “acceptable” thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or ... Views: 2914
“Will you stop it?” I nervously repeated to my brother John. “Stop it; I just want to get home before someone sees us.” We were schlepping a huge wire shopping cart filled with a big bird, a big dead bird, and all the accoutrements for the next day’s Thanksgiving dinner. The sign on the cart ... Views: 2908
The holidays can be a magical time for families. It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past, and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together. For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as ... Views: 2896
How often have you heard the following phrases coupled with the most horrific physical, verbal, and psychological abuse: "It's all your fault, you made me do it" or "look what you made me do!"
Abusers have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control. This means that they tend to ... Views: 2855
Recently, I joined a group of women to journal, meditate and share about our intentions for the New Year. It was suggested that we come up with one or two words to describe our deepest intention underlying all of our desired outcomes. The words that I chose were…“Joyful Creation.” More than ... Views: 2848
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
Some patients develop codependent behaviors and traits in the wake of a life crisis, especially if it involves an abandonment and resulting solitude (e.g. divorce, or an empty nest: when one’s children embark on their own, ... Views: 2825
Have you been told, “Just let go of it,” or tell yourself, “I have to let go,” but wonder, how? I’ve asked myself that question. Sometimes you want to let go of a worry or an obsession about someone else. You may try to detach, but can't. Other times when you can’t move forward after a major ... Views: 2798
As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. ... Views: 2784
Self-responsibility both reflects and generates self-esteem. People with high self-esteem feel that they are in charge of their lives. They have a sense of agency and self-efficacy. They take responsibility for their feelings, actions, and lives. It also means that you take responsibility for ... Views: 2782
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited"
The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, ... Views: 2775
Codependency is often thought of as a relationship problem and considered by many to be a disease. In the past, it was applied to relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts. It is a relationship problem; however, the relationship that’s the problem is not with someone else, but the ... Views: 2762
Trudy a twenty-nine year old local newspaper reporter and Max a thirty-three year old limousine company owner had endless fights about who was doing the lion’s share of parenting their two children. They argued about what to do, how to do it, when to do it and who should take the blame when ... Views: 2721
For ACoAs- (Adult-Children of alcoholics, abusers, abandoners & other narcissists)
ACoAs know how they would like their life to be: TO have a fulfilling career, loving relationships, less pressure, a little fun... and they try, struggle, obsess - but not much changes. They become more & more ... Views: 2719
The music industry is obsessed with love. Songs about love reach #1 on the charts over and over again. But the type of love sung about is often more like compulsion, neediness, personal inadequacy, idealization of another, mystery, novelty, unavailability, codependency and actually the ... Views: 2697
Not all Emotional Abuse is obvious. In fact, behavior that belies Emotional Abuse often starts out feeling good. Have you ever met the charmer, the smooth talker? Everything you say and do he finds adorable. Narcissists are masters of charm and sweet talk. His doting and compliments feel good. ... Views: 2649
Everyone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans, both in and out of relationships. I know. I spent decades recovering.
There are all types of codependents, including ... Views: 2628
In the 'Love Addict in Love Addiction', I write a lot about the five core issues which is a large part of our pain and dysfunction in addictive relationships—one of these core issues of love addicts are Impaired Boundaries.
Love addicts need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall ... Views: 2607
Anger kills. Usually it doesn't result in a homicide. It causes (or contributes to) illness, obesity, depression, and other health problems. What may help most is something you may never have heard of.
I'm Rose Rosetree, author of "Cut Cords of Attachment," the first book in English on this ... Views: 2601
T’ai-chi ch’uan, also spelled taijiquan and tai chi chuan, is a martial art that many people practice for promoting good health, balance and for stress reduction. The interest in it as a martial art has resurrected in recent years, as has t’ai-chi competition. Some ... Views: 2506
Your relationship broke up and you are heart broken. What should you do now to heal the hurt and move on with your life?
First, examine what Not to do. These are things that will make your situation worse.
1. Don't try to get back together. There must be some very strong reasons why you ... Views: 2497