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Codependency Articles
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- The Signs and Effect of Emotional Incest - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2024 from Darlene LancerEmotional incest has been compared to actual incest because it similarly creates long-lasting effects on psychosocial development and into adulthood. Sometimes the targeted child is referred to as a “surrogate spouse,” due to parent-child enmeshment or a codependent parent-child ...
Views: 212(1 vote) - The Startling Reason We Sabotage Love - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2019 from Darlene LancerMost relationships fail and nearly half of American adults are unmarried. Why can’t we find love and why don’t relationships last? Paradoxically, as much as we want love, we also fear it. Fear of not being loved is the greatest reason we don’t find love and sabotage it in our relationships. In ...
Views: 1111(2 votes) - The Three Pieces to the Codependency Recovery Puzzle - Are You Missing One of the Pieces? - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2011 from Lisa EspichJust over five years ago my life was in complete turmoil. I was in a marriage with an out of control addict. I had lost practically all of my possessions due to my husband pawning anything valuable to support his habit, and we were on the verge of foreclosure. I felt emotionally and physically ...
Views: 2441(1 vote) - THE TRAP OF CHARM - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2012 from narcissism curedNot all Emotional Abuse is obvious. In fact, behavior that belies Emotional Abuse often starts out feeling good. Have you ever met the charmer, the smooth talker? Everything you say and do he finds adorable. Narcissists are masters of charm and sweet talk. His doting and compliments feel good. ...
Views: 2768(1 vote) - Three Secret Behaviors of Narcissists - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2024 from Darlene LancerNarcissists’ entire personality is a defense to help them manage their hidden insecurity and inner turmoil. There are three secret behaviors they do that aren’t immediately obvious, but if you think about them, they would make sense to you and explain their manifest behavior.These behaviors stem ...
Views: 288(1 vote) - To Trust or Mistrust - Part I - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2012 from Darlene LancerMany people claim that they trust others until they have reason not to, but when you first meet someone, you don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell you. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what ...
Views: 2585(2 votes) - Trauma and Codependency - by Submitted on May 06, 2016 from Darlene LancerYou can make significant strides in overcoming codependency by developing new attitudes, skills, and behavior. But deeper recovery may involve healing trauma, usually that began in childhood. Trauma can be emotional, physical, or environmental, and can range from experiencing a fire to emotional ...
Views: 1721(2 votes) - Trauma Recovery: A Blueprint and Strategies - by Submitted on Jun 24, 2024 from Darlene LancerMost codependents experience abandonment trauma in childhood, which can take many forms ranging from overt abuse to covert neglect. Even subtle signs that one of our parents does not listen to our thoughts, feelings, or needs send a message that we’re not valued for who we are as an individual. ...
Views: 238(1 vote) - Treating Love Addiction - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallPeople looking for the answers to overcoming their love addiction often ask two questions, “What does recovery really mean when it comes to breaking this problem”? ... and “What are key things I need to work on to successfully recover from love addiction”? When we are new to recovery, we may ...
Views: 3119(1 vote) - Twenty Questions Identify Codependency Issues - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2015 from Randi FineIs Codependency a Problem in Your Life and in Your Relationships? Take the Quiz To find out if codependency is a problem in your life, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own? Are you drawn to ...
Views: 1774(1 vote) - Understanding the Mind of a Distancer - by Submitted on Apr 30, 2024 from Darlene LancerPursuer-distancer relationships cause a lot of heartache, especially for a pursuer. Learn about the mind of a distancer to understand your own or your partner's behavior so you won't take it personally.As codependants, we usually gravitate toward insecure relationships where we're a distancer or ...
Views: 271(1 vote) - Unexpected Trauma after Abuse - by Submitted on Sep 02, 2019 from Darlene LancerCodependency robs us of a self and self-love. We’ve learned to conceal who we really are, because we grew up pleasing, rebelling against, or withdrawing from dysfunctional parents. This sets us up for trauma. As adults, even if we’re successful in some areas, our emotional life isn’t easy. ...
Views: 1313(2 votes) - Unrealistic Expectations : An Unhealthy Ingredient of Addictive Love - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2013 from Jim HallAs human beings, we live our lives with certain expectations. For emotionally healthy individuals, expectations are more likely to be realistic and rational -- based on reality. For individuals whose emotional health is less-than healthy, expectations are often unrealistic and impractical – ...
Views: 4534(1 vote) - Warning! Bad Boys may be dangerous to your emotional health! - by Submitted on Jan 04, 2017 from Laney Zukerman The Relationship Coach(Note: Bad Boys is a metaphor for toxic partners. Just flip the pronoun to female depending on your relationship). Bad Boys are everywhere. The corporate office, the gym, your neighborhood, a charity gala or the backyard bbq. Before they end up in your heart and in your bed, it will be in ...
Views: 1572(1 vote) - Warriors say No With Dignity, NOT With Excuses! - by Submitted on Feb 27, 2019 from Dr. Anne BrownPeople-pleasers are at risk in the domains of finance, love, sex, family, and friendship. How is it that we can manage a successful business but still have a failed personal life? Extending a hand to others after taking care of yourself is how we make the world a better place for our children ...
Views: 1158(1 vote) - What are "we" waiting for? - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2011 from Suzanne ToroMany of ''US" have been traversing through expansion, contraction, purging, refining and feel at times that we are jumping from cliffs or being pushed off them...This has been a period where we are being asked to realign with "self". Many of ''US'' are traversing through old stories, beliefs and ...
Views: 2021(1 vote) - What Families Can Do To Help a Loved One To Sustained Recovery - by Submitted on May 15, 2011 from Lisa EspichSo your loved one finally accepts treatment. A wave of relief washes over the family. There is a glimmer of hope for a future free of the chaos. But the battle isn't over. Treatment is just the beginning. There is no cure for addiction. a good treatment program teaches the addict how to avoid ...
Views: 1548(1 vote) - What Is a Trauma Bond? - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2022 from Darlene LancerA trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation in order to survive. It is a trauma ...
Views: 678(2 votes) - What Is Generational Trauma – Mother Wounds - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2025 from Darlene LancerGenerational trauma is a form of trauma passed down to subsequent generations through environmental factors such as psychological transference and attachment behavior according to attachment theory. The psychological impact of a traumatic event, such as historical mistreatment, cultural ...
Views: 52(1 vote) - What is Narcissistic Abuse? - by Submitted on Apr 08, 2016 from Darlene LancerNarcissists don’t really love themselves. Actually, they’re driven by shame. It’s the idealized image of themselves, which they convince themselves they embody, that they admire. But deep down, narcissists feel the gap between the façade they show the world and their shame-based self. They work ...
Views: 2509(1 vote) - When the Narcissist and Codependent Reverse Their Roles - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2012 from Sam VakninSometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), ...
Views: 18073(2 votes) - When Your Child's Addiction Becomes Your Own - by Submitted on May 07, 2011 from Kristin WhitelawFrom the moment you give birth, an innate force within secures a powerful and concentrated intent at the deepest level to protect your precious child, protect them from harm. As a parent, you accept this role with reverence as it carries the highest priority. Holding your child carefully, ...
Views: 1495(1 vote) - Where There Is A Will There Is A Way - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2013 from Moreen DuFermontWhere There Is a Will There Is A Way The truth is that we are living in our physical bodies and have “this” one life to live. We each can only take it one day at a time! Of course, I know that this is nothing new to you. In fact, its a philosophy you’ve heard dozens of times before; ...
Views: 1287(1 vote) - Who's In Charge Of Your Sexual Satisfaction? - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2010 from Jim BowenSometimes there are hardships in intimate relationships. These hardships often show up as: -Lack of desire in your sex life. -Wishing your partner would do just the right thing to satisfy you. -Feeling sad when the sex isn’t what you expected. -Believing that your sex drive ‘stops’ after ...
Views: 2491(1 vote) - Why Data Entry Jobs are Being Outsourcing? - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2011 from Rita ThomsonTo run a business successfully embracing a new challenge every day is. It indicates exciting to be on the way out to overcome obstacles while keeping ahead of their competitors. Every day is a new plan and new strategies, and objectives must be met with. But some key aspects of running a ...
Views: 1366(1 vote) - Why People Procrastinate – Indolence - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2011 from Mervyn gohOne of the key contributing factor of Procrastination – Indolence First of all, let’s understand what indolence is. It simply means laziness or disinclined to complete a task or activity, for instance, when you want to lose weight by doing routine exercise, you will delay this task by finding ...
Views: 3793(1 vote) - WHY ROMANCE TURNS TOXIC - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2018 from Darlene LancerMost everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also ...
Views: 1878(3 votes) - Women and Boundaries - by Submitted on Nov 22, 2010 from Susan SheppardWomen and Boundaries Women who are we and what do we really want? In earlier generations, women were not the powerful, independent, “I can do anything!” wonder women that they are today. When I wanted to take mechanical drawing in high school in the 50’s, it had to be approved by ...
Views: 1699(2 votes) - Women, Breast Cancer, Food and Men - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2011 from Louise LeBrunThe entangled threads of my own thoughts tug at notions of women and leadership; women and breast cancer; the need women seem to have to apologize when not agreeing or finding something lacking; food and its stranglehold on women and their bodies; and last, but most definitely not least, women ...
Views: 1193(1 vote) - Worry Warts Anonymous - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Patricia PottsWorry Warts Anonymous By Patricia Potts Okay, I admit it. Worrying comes natural for me. In fact I will actually admit that at times I am addicted. When I became a parent then a grandparent my worrying accelerated. When my little ones lay cuddled in the warmth of blankets. I ...
Views: 2237(2 votes) - “I Attract Abusers Like a Magnet” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninMany victims of narcissists are firmly convinced that they have been "chosen" by their abusers because of their capacity to empathize, their innate sensitivity, compassion, and their ability to love and care. Indeed, these qualities tend to attract exploitative psychopathic predators who ...
Views: 5418(1 vote) - “It's All My Fault for Having Provoked Him” - by Submitted on Feb 02, 2012 from Sam VakninHow often have you heard the following phrases coupled with the most horrific physical, verbal, and psychological abuse: "It's all your fault, you made me do it" or "look what you made me do!" Abusers have alloplastic defenses and an external locus of control. This means that they tend to ...
Views: 2999(1 vote) - BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM, SELF-RESPONSIBILITY, AND SELF-EFFICACY - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2010 from Darlene LancerSelf-responsibility both reflects and generates self-esteem. People with high self-esteem feel that they are in charge of their lives. They have a sense of agency and self-efficacy. They take responsibility for their feelings, actions, and lives. It also means that you take responsibility for ...
Views: 2962(5 votes) - Breaking up: The Love Addict in Withdrawal - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallTracy, a 30 year old love addict shares her story of a relationship break up: "When he said it was over, I stopped breathing. I could not gather my thoughts. I felt like it wasn't happening, but it was. It was surreal. My stomach turned up side down, my mouth was dry, I was sweating, my ...
Views: 8158(3 votes) - Eat, Pray, Love…Your Journey to Awakening Part IV - LOVE - by Submitted on Dec 23, 2010 from Michelle Lee, CHLove In part four of our own more practical Journey to Awakening we discuss Love. On her journey Elizabeth Gilbert finds love in Bali. If you read the book you know that Gilbert’s journey was about finding and defining herself. Until then Gilbert, like many of us, lost herself in her ...
Views: 1750(3 votes) - Psychology In Trouble - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2010 from Peter StoneThe Human Condition Volume 1, Part 01 Have you ever wondered what is the platform for our one and only human experience? I have, for I once destroyed 99.9 percent of my human experience. With one tenth of my experience left, I took the time to learn how to learn from my insecurities. I ...
Views: 1657(3 votes) - "Don't Wipe Your Dirty Feet On My Mind" - by Submitted on Jul 26, 2011 from Susan FoxleyThe monk just finished clearing and purifying his mind with meditation, and decided to have a glorious walk with one of his students. On the walk the student began to spew arrogance, pride, vulgarity, and vanity. The monk quietly said,”please don’t wipe your dirty feet on my mind.” When ...
Views: 3112(2 votes) - Codependency, Addiction, and Emptiness - by Submitted on Jul 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerEmptiness is a common feeling, and there are distinct types of emptiness, but it’s psychological emptiness that underlies codependency and addiction. Whereas existential emptiness is concerned with your relationship to life, psychological emptiness deals with your relationship to yourself. It’s ...
Views: 2228(2 votes) - How Much Do You Get Your Partner? - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2014 from Emma ViglucciThe majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address ...
Views: 1788(2 votes) - Love Addict Recovery: Setting Boundaries - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallIn the 'Love Addict in Love Addiction', I write a lot about the five core issues which is a large part of our pain and dysfunction in addictive relationships—one of these core issues of love addicts are Impaired Boundaries. Love addicts need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall ...
Views: 2738(2 votes) - Love Addiction: What is it? - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallLove Addiction is an unhealthy obsessive and dysfuntional dependency to another person in relationships. Love Addiction is finally being recognized as a serious problem and a serious addiction in the media and mental health professionals. Some have difficulty believing "love" can become an ...
Views: 3110(2 votes) - Men in Love Addiction - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallIf you're a man- you're here for a reason. Maybe you're here because you're having relationship difficulties- or you are dealing with a relationship loss. And/or you identify yourself as having characteristics in love addiction- - YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Many mental health care professionals make ...
Views: 2542(2 votes) - Recovering Ground Rules for The Love Addict - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim Hall1- Understand the Dynamics of Love Addiction & Intricacies of Love Addicted Relationships A very important first step in recovery is to gain clarity into the intricacies of love addiction, the love addict, avoidant partner, and love addicted relationship dynamics. Understanding your ...
Views: 2452(2 votes) - Shame - The Hidden Cause of Addiction and Codependency - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2013 from Darlene LancerShame is so painful to the psyche that most people will do anything to avoid it – even though it’s a natural emotion that everyone has. It’s a physiologic response of the autonomic nervous system. You might blush, have a rapid heartbeat, break into a sweat, freeze, hang your head, slump your ...
Views: 3234(2 votes) - Stop "Shoulding" All Over Yourself! - by Submitted on May 15, 2011 from Elizabeth CappellettiDid you ever notice that we often do or don't do things because we are worried about what others will think? It's kind of silly if you think about it, but I know so many of us are guilty of it! It takes a lot of work and self-awareness to really start to change that. So I am giving you the ...
Views: 1922(2 votes) - The Betrayal - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2011 from Dan L. HaysMy next several blog posts are all related to the same topic. They deal with something that happened to me in July of 1988. My Dad had died the previous Thanksgiving, and I was still in the grief process over that loss. As well, I was still involved with a 12 step program for people who had ...
Views: 1942(2 votes) - The Harm of Enabling - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2009 from Camille StrateRegardless of our chosen field, or the manner in which we use your gifts, most of us have come across people in our lives who absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, their situations, their own lives. It could be a family member, a dear friend, a co-worker, even a spouse. ...
Views: 1811(2 votes) - Toxic Seeds That Feed Love Addicts Delusion - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallFrom the beginning of our childhood- we are planted with seeds in our conscious. These seeds are the messages on love, romance, and relationships love addicts (and all of society) have been consistently bombarded with- that feed the DELUSION of addictive relationships. These fabricated seeds are ...
Views: 2219(2 votes) - Why Love Addicts Are Truely Like Any Other Addict - by Submitted on May 09, 2013 from Jim HallUsing a practical definition, addiction is characterized by the repeated, compulsive seeking or use of a substance, behavior, or activity to reach euphoric states in the brain, despite negative consequences (harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life). ...
Views: 1904(2 votes) - Your Relationship Broke Up - What to Do? - by Submitted on Jul 05, 2011 from Jonathan HuieYour relationship broke up and you are heart broken. What should you do now to heal the hurt and move on with your life? First, examine what Not to do. These are things that will make your situation worse. 1. Don't try to get back together. There must be some very strong reasons why you ...
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