June Awareness

Let’s make June Awareness Month!

June can be a very busy month as we celebrate and honor our fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers and other significant male/father figures in our lives. We anxiously anticipate the arrival of summer along with the brightest and longest day of the year, the air is buzzing with excitement as teachers and students count down the final days of school and the realization sets in that by the end of June we will have reached the mid-point of the year and are wondering where the first half of 2006 went! The month of June returns every year at this time and the cycle of this month’s events and celebrations continue year after year.

Our lives are also cyclical in nature, a baby grows into a toddler – little girl to woman – youngster to teenager – little boy to man – birth to death. These are just some of the cycles that exist innately… the effortless evolvement from one stage to another is destined and we are not in control of the outcome…it just happens!

There are some cycles, however, that we may not even be aware of that, in most cases as they continue, are unknowingly being passed on from generation to generation. These unhealthy cycles of behavior can be broken creating the possibility for us to create new, healthier cycles that can be modeled for years to come. Awareness is the first step and is the key…without it these cycles will keep continuing.

I’ve spoken with many parents and teachers and they share complaints about the behavior of their children or students, their partners, fellow teachers, friends…the list could actually go on and on! The common theme is that it’s always seems to be somebody else’s fault as they share their feelings of frustration as they try to control, change or fix the inappropriate behaviors.

Our children watch us, as their role model, parent or teacher behaving and reacting in the ways that we do, and learn from our behaviors. We can’t change or fix anyone – I know only too well how exhausted I was trying to change and control my kids and I finally realized a cycle that I wanted to change. This awareness created the opening for me to do it differently. Once I stopped judging and blaming my children or others as the cause of my stress or unhappiness and became aware of and took responsibility for my own behaviors and reactions, I was able to break the “yelling” cycle in my family. As I shifted so did my children creating a less stressed and more loving and peaceful life. I believe this is something we all want in life, which inspired my passion to create this awareness for others.

Let’s face it, we all get angry sometimes and the cycle of how we express this anger is just one of many unhealthy cycles that we are teaching our children.

For example, if we get angry or disappointed by the behavior our child or student is exhibiting, we may react by sternly projecting our discontentment, we may yell or give “the look” that makes it clear that we are not pleased, as the energy of our angry feelings comes through loud and clear. The child may stop their behavior, for the moment, but soon after the behavior and cycle starts repeating itself again.

So when our children or students get mad at us and perhaps yell trying to get their own way or point across, we as the adult, having taught them that this behavior is okay in the first place, tell them to stop, that is unacceptable behavior. Maybe in school they get sent down to the office or receive a detention for being disrespectful or, at home they might get sent to their room, grounded or in more extreme situations, unfortunately punished more severely.

Do as I say, not as I do… This double standard for behavior can be very destructive and is very confusing for our children.

I remember a woman sharing with me that her six-year-old was having a temper tantrum one day and was yelling at her. She said, “ Stop yelling at me!”, and he responded with, “Why, you yell at me?” She became speechless…she realized in that moment that he was absolutely right! The children in our lives are like our mirror, and our awareness can awaken if we choose to look at behaviors from this perspective.

I’m no different that anyone else and my intention as a parent was to lovingly guide and inspire my kids…I didn’t know until I did, what I was actually teaching them! Once the door to self-discovery is opened, it’s amazing how life can begin to shift. Every day I learn more and more about myself, as I choose to observe my own behaviors and other cycles that are constantly being mirrored for me by my children and other people and experiences in my life. It’s very easy to sit in judgement and blame someone else – it takes constant awareness, courage and humility to take the other person off the hot seat and to admit that the very same behavior that I may be judging is in me too. But it is all worth it because as I discover and break these cycles in me, I uncover and attract more love, peace, compassion and happiness in my life.

Our kids are watching us very intently as we may slam our golf club into the ground because of a missed shot, or repeatedly honk the horn as someone cuts us off. They witness the communication dysfunction as we hold onto blame and have grudges perhaps not speaking to certain people in our lives, maybe even a family member or hear us as we gossip about a student we hope not to have in our class next year.

I am committed to making a difference by empowering and inspiring you to be the parent, teacher, and role model the children of this world need you to be. We can only change what we are willing to look at and we are only ready to look at it when we are. So as we celebrate Father’s Day, pack up our classrooms until September and spend our summer vacations with our families,

I hope you join me and become aware of some unhealthy behaviors that you may be unintentionally teaching the children around you.
LET’S MAKE JUNE AWARENESS MONTH!

Jo-Anne Cutler is committed to making a difference as a writer, speaker, and facilitator. Her vision is to empower and inspire you to be the parent, teacher, and role model the children of this world need you to be. One of the many ways that Jo-Anne supports this vision is through an audio program called “Breaking the Cycle.” It contains insightful perspectives and stories as well as practical techniques that you can use to begin breaking the cycle of unhealthy behaviors and to connect with more peace and happiness in your life. For more information, please visit http://www.jcconnections.ca.