Attracting Healthy Relationships

I have often said that there is no one in my life that I don’t want there. In consideration of the thousands of people that I’ve encountered over the past half century, I’m pleased to report that no one who chooses to come around me is abusive, resentful or parasitic. Of course, it wasn’t always that way. Somewhere along the way my brother said to me, “You teach people how to treat you.” Wow, what a revelation! If I don’t like the way that I am being treated it is because I have, through self doubt or guilt, made a silent pact to take the abuse that I believe I deserve.

In my opinion, there is something in common in most infatuations, casual friendships, and too many marriages. It is the need to withhold love. Most of our relationships have boundaries. We use them for protection. All right, so we’ve been hurt before. Does this preclude intimacy forever? Trust usually takes a while to develop. The problem exists when someone is never able to be completely open—even with family and friends. In order to have an intimate relationship with anyone at all, we must first love and trust ourselves. If we are untrustworthy we probably will not be able to trust anyone else. It is good to see our own areas that need improving and to be honest with ourselves; however, it is distorted to believe ourselves to be unlovable. No matter who we are or what we’ve done, the truth is that we are created out of the substance of pure love. There is no other building block! What we choose to do with our lives is a matter of free will. We can, at any moment in time, change our thinking and immediately begin changing our experience—if we prefer to grow rather than wallow in self pity. Until we can truly accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, close, loving relationships will be hard to come by. Unhealthy, secretive and selfish relationships should be no problem to attract at all.

When I was younger I called myself a “hopeless romantic.” What an awful affirmation! When I realized what I was believing, I changed the phrase to “hopeful romantic.” I was always looking forward to a kind of love that was, however, transient by nature. What I really needed to conceptualize was pure love in action. Human affection is the natural outcome of unconditional love. It is not the objective. Without an agenda for your loved one, there exists the possibility of trust and freedom like never before. This kind of thinking is an ongoing challenge, but pays off for everyone concerned.

When we resign ourselves to be in that perfect place of love where we are giving, loving caretakers and trustworthy for others, people will come into our experience. Some will be healthy for us and others energy draining. To attract those who will resonate with us we can simply speak softly our highest truth and stand quietly in our integrity. Those who can’t bare the light will slip back into the shadows.

If we would be loved, we must be loving. Looking beyond the humanness of another we see the beauty within. It is often easier to love those we haven’t met than those we must face daily! We need not prepare a permanent place in our experience for those who do not respect us. We release them lovingly and move forward, trusting our inner guidance.

Love is an infinite commodity. You can’t give it away without creating more. You attract into your life that which you are. To find the right person, be the right person. Be a beacon of light, then rest assured your ship will come in.
Todd Puntolillo 648 words
3/28/96