If you have difficulties in your relationship, your perspective may be part of the problem. Consider how you are looking at your relationship and how you are looking at your partner? Your perception of your partner and your relationship affects the reality that you experience.

Thinking and believing that it was impossible to put a man on the moon, would never have resulted in Neil Armstrong standing on the moon. Likewise thinking and believing that your partner is not good enough or that your relationship cannot be happy, does not lead to creating a successful, happy relationship.

Conflict may result from your interpretations of your partner’s actions or intentions. You may take things too personally. If your partner is late or preoccupied, you may perceive that s/he doesn’t love you, that s/he is selfish, lazy or inconsiderate, or that s/he doesn’t care. It is not the circumstances or behavior that hurt you, it is the meaning that you attach to them that causes you pain.

Talmud said, "We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are." Everything that we understand and think of as factual has been filtered through our believe system. We are all experts at disregarding information that does not fit with our beliefs.

To begin changing your perception ask yourself: “What else might this mean?” Look for several options; try finding some positive or at least neutral options. Another helpful thing to try is to put yourself into your partner’s shoes. Try to see the situation from his/her perspective.

It is amazing how changing your perception can begin to change your relationship. Becoming consciously aware of the meaning that you are attaching to the things that your partner does and says and searching for ways to put a more positive spin on them can create upward momentum in your relationship instead of a downward spiral.

Please note: Abuse is abuse, no matter how you look at it.

Author's Bio: 

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine