How to get Out of Emotionally Abusive Relationships - Don't Miss These Tips

Men who abuse others take care to always appear strong and in control. However, if one looks at them closely, one can see that this is a lie.

They are not stronger than others; they are not in control of their lives.

Sometimes men become abusive towards those they claim to love because they feel as though they have lost control over their own lives.

So they seek to control those around them because this is easier to do than it is to face and fix the problems they face.

Usually, this lack of control is perceived when life becomes stressful, or when the man feels that life is treating him badly.

This may prompt him to try to control his partner rather than look for his problems and implement the needed changes in the way he is living.

After all, controlling his partner will make him feel more powerful and in control than changing.

Other men may become abusive because of a deeply stored anger.

Men who have failed to achieve their dreams or to accomplish the goals they set for their lives may develop anger at themselves.

In this case, this self-directed anger is the seed from which their abusiveness springs.

Healthy men can redirect this anger outward; toward the goals and dreams they set.

On the other hand, unhealthy men, while also redirecting their anger outward, allow it to settle on their partners.

Perhaps this happens because the changes required to achieve their goals are too challenging for them to take on.

Other abusive men may have no self-confidence. As a result of this lack, they seek others who will make them feel needed; or they look for ways to damage their partner's self-esteem so that they will not attempt to leave, but will rather stay and endure the abuse as something that is deserved.

An abused woman who thinks she is worthless and unlovable by anyone else is one who will not be looking for another partner.

Treatment -

Abusive men need treatment. In dealing with an abusive relationship; the first step for the woman is to realize that, although her partner may seem strong and powerful, in his mind he is neither.

Since he feels worthless and inferior, he takes his feelings of worthlessness and inferiority and projects them onto her rather than confront them.

Getting out -

An emotionally abusive relationship is not only miserable, it is damaging to the partner's self-confidence.

The best thing to do in such a relationship is to leave the abuser.

It doesn't matter what benefit there seems to be gained by staying; staying in such a relationship will quickly destroy your self-confidence and is not a healthy relationship.

The actual act of leaving such a relationship may seem to be hard; your partner may have succeeded in convincing you that you are as worthless and unlovable as he thinks he is.

The constant criticism and negative comments he has subjected you to have damaged your self-confidence and were designed to keep you trapped.

You therefore need to repair your self-confidence as the first step towards leaving the relationship.

Your social life -

Another thing that will need attention is your social life. Most people who are abused have been kept isolated from others; especially those others who might see the abuse and call it what it is.

He may have kept you from seeing your friends because of jealousy or because of sadism.

Sometimes this abuse is conscious and a source of enjoyment to the abuser.

However that may be, restoring your social life will allow you to redevelop feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.

Doing that will help you to not only feel better, but if you use your friends as a sounding board, it will help you to think more clearly.

Even if you don't talk to your friends about your relationship with your abuser directly, still the fact that your friends care about you will go a long way towards helping you think more clearly.

Take care of your financial status -

The third area of attention is your financial well-being. Most abusers not only isolate the person they are abusing, they try to make their partner dependent on them financially.

This is not healthy for either person in the relationship; you need to have a source of income not dependent on him which will enable you to live independently.

This is the most powerful thing you can do when leaving a relationship and failure to act in this area will make it much harder for you to truly leave your abuser.

So get a job which you can use to support yourself. It will not only be good for your finances, it will be very good for your self-confidence.

This financial independence can also help you even if you decide not to leave, because you can always use it (overtly or not) to threaten him and remind him that you are now able to leave, should he continue his emotional abuse towards you.

Confronting the abuser -

The fourth area you need to consider seriously is confronting your abuser. This should only be done after you have already left and have a safe place.

Confronting an abuser will allow him to know that he has failed in his attempts to isolate you, damage your self-confidence, and drain you financially.

You might tell him in a courtroom, a lawyer's office or any other safe place. I do not recommend this step until you are safe, for the very good reason that doing so may put you in danger from him.

If you feel that you are in danger, then write him a letter in which you let him know that you have escaped his control; that you know that he is weak and that his life is out of control—which is why he tried to control you.

Tell him that he has no self-confidence and that he needs treatment. He may laugh at you, but you will have reminded him of his problems.

Hopefully, this will help him reconsider the way that he has treated you and why you have left him.