Taking Care of Yourself

Have you ever wondered if it’s them that need to grow, change, be a better person and be more responsible or could it possibly be you? We are all responsible for our own lives. If you are living with a chemically dependent person, though, you may have taken on the role of caretaker. You may believe, or have been led to believe, that you are responsible for another’s feelings and what happens to them in life.

You may be taking care of someone who cannot or will not hold a full-time job. You may be raising your family with no help from your spouse or other half. You may be doing all the household chores and repairs on your own. And you may even be juggling the finances by yourself.

You may be feeling abandoned, both emotionally and physically, let down or abused. You probably even feel like God is nowhere to be found. It’s not the needing people that is the problem. We all need people. It’s when we become dependent on those people, no matter how much turmoil they cause us that problems arise. It’s when those people become the key to our happiness that our emotional insecurity becomes apparent.

A lot comes from the insecurity you hold within yourself. The more you can find wrong about yourself, the more you seek approval from others, even if that other is a person with a chemical dependency. You tolerate abuse and you settle for less than you deserve. You don’t expect to receive much in return and you say to yourself that that is okay. You become stuck in a relationship that doesn’t feed you emotionally the way you deserve or even the way you expect. Again, you tolerate the circumstances. You tell yourself that this is all the other person can give right now and you accept that.

You need to be giving to yourself, though. You need to believe in yourself and believe that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. There is nothing wrong with being there for another person and helping them through the things in life that they may feel pressure to get through themselves. But it is not okay to be dragged down alongside the person, to expect that you deserve the minimum in any situation or to allow your needs to go unmet.

When you become dependent on another person, you eventually become angry. One person cannot supply all your needs. And when that person cannot live up to the expectations you have for them that breeds anger. You are giving your personal power away. You can center your life around someone else because that someone else is your source of happiness and security.

This may stem from the root of your childhood. Maybe there was a chemically dependent person such as a mother or father who you should have been able to depend on but for whatever reason could not. They may have been too wrapped up in their dependence on some chemical to be able to give you the love and security you needed.

But that was then and this is now. If your needs in any way are not being met, first of all voice your needs. Voice them to others, voice them to yourself. You do not need to get everything you need from others; sometimes we can help ourselves. Treat yourself to that new shirt you’ve been wanting, to a nice dinner or to that new CD.

Asking for what you need can be a healing process. Others may not know what you are going through or that they may be able to help. Share your feelings with others. Confide in a trusted family member, or friend. Your feelings are not wrong, nor are they shameful.

Start the healing process. You are the only one you have control over. You are the only one you can change. Start by changing the feelings inside you and how you react to those feelings and you will start to change the way you react to others around you.

© 2007 Lori Klauser