My Husband Treats Me Bad But I Still Love Him: What To Do When He Treats You Badly

Are you looking for marriage help to guide you in deciding whether to stay in your difficult marriage? Before you decide to leave, make sure you have tried these four things:

1. Improve your own life. Other than dating, what would you be doing if you weren't married? How much of that can you do now while married? This will help you develop your own life in the midst of the marriage and stop depending on your spouse to fulfill you. Healthy marriages are composed of two people who have mutual and independent identities and interests. This will make you instantly happier.

2. Ask STRONGLY for what you need in very specific ways. We expect our spouses to know what we need and we forget to ask clearly. Consider the probability of whether or not your spouse will be able to meet your request. Don't waste your requests on things you know are impossible, because you will both be more frustrated.

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3. Accept your spouse. How would it change your thoughts if you accepted your spouse for who he/she is and not take personally the things that he/she is unable to do for you that you need? We often personalize a spouse's personality and limitations, but truthfully people are who they are with or without us and it isn't usually about us.

4. Set clear boundaries with things that are unacceptable. We often complain and argue about things we don't like, but we avoid setting clear boundaries with consequences. Arguing and complaining is often ignored and not taken seriously. Boundaries stated in clear terms in a calm voice are taken more seriously.

Staying in a difficult marriage isn't easy but neither is divorcing. Before you leave, try doing these things to improve your marriage. It will help you know that you have done everything God would have you to do before you make the difficult decision to leave. We are each responsible for ourselves and will give an account of our own actions to God regardless of what our spouses do (Romans 14:12). This marriage help for Christians is designed to empower you to change your marriage and life, even if your spouse isn't willing to work on it.

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People rarely like to admit, to themselves much less to others, that they're going through hard times in their marriage. It's far from comfortable to have accept the fact that your marriage could be in pretty bad shape. The truth is, though, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage and every couple experiences difficulties at some point. Some people may be really good at hiding their marital issues from the outside world and projecting a constant facade of happiness and affection, but that doesn't mean they don't have their share of problems. Commitment and positive thinking are the secret weapons that enable successful couple to keep their marriages strong. Sometimes, though, a couple needs a little outside help. Don't hesitate to seek help if you and your spouse are having facing serious issues with one another.

WHEN YOU NEED TO GET HELP

If you've been married for any length of time you've probably been through at least a few rough patches with your spouse. Eventually, you probably straightened things out without any outside help. So how do you know if the problems you're facing now are of a magnitude to warrant professional assistance or just another one of the lows in the natural course of highs and lows that make up any relationship? There are a few signs that your marriage needs some professional help. You may have been going in circles over the same issues over and over again without making any progress. You and your spouse might feel so angry and hostile toward each other that the two of you can no longer communicate civilly with one another. Both these problems warrant seeking help. Or if you just feel deeply afraid that your marriage is going to fall apart, that's not a "gut feeling" you should ignore.

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WHERE TO FIND HELP

Many couples have benefited from the camaraderie and shared experiences and wisdom to be found in support groups. If you prefer privacy and feel your relationship would benefit more from some one-on-one attention, consider marital therapy or counseling. Counselors are trained professionals who can give unbiased advice. Since they aren't right in the fray, so to speak, they have a better vantage point from which to look at the underlying problems that are damaging your marriage.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON TO HELP YOU?

It can nerve-wracking to confide in a stranger or to discuss your marriage in front of a group of people. You want to be sure you trust the professionals you seek help from. Meet with at least three or four counselors and check out a couple support groups before you decide on one in particular. You want a counselor or therapist who answers your questions to your satisfaction and makes you and your spouse both feel at ease. The importance of a good rapport with your counselor or therapist cannot be over emphasized.

As frustrating and frightening as facing serious problems in your marriage can be, the right source of help, combined with the love and commitment you two have for each other, can restore the healthy, thriving relationship you once shared.

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When Do We Go To Marriage Counseling:

Often the mere thought that your marriage may be in trouble is enough of an indicator that its time to look for a couples counselor. Perhaps you've been picking up some of the signs - nobody knows your marriage as well as you and your partner - but it hasn't been voiced yet. Or contrarily, your partner and you may have been squabbling for some time and the signs are painfully apparent.

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What other signs should be on the lookout for? The two of you are constantly bickering. You seem to be pulling away from one another. Arguments include name-calling and "below the belt" attacks. There is a certain "joylessness" in your marriage. You have nothing nice to say to one another. One or both parties doesn't want to talk about the existing marital problems. There is a loss of respect for one another. You can't agree on long-term goals. There is a serious lack of trust and overall suspiciousness. Sexual intimacy is at an all-time low. One or both parties has been unfaithful. Your spouse isolates you from your family and friends. You are happier when your spouse is away for a period of time. There is emotional and/or physical abuse in your marriage.

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Most people enter marriage with a desire to stay together forever-to preserve it successfully. However, couples often do not follow the recipe for preservation and it ends up being thrown out in divorce. Preserving a marriage successfully can be compared to preserving a food product. People who preserve food must determine what they want to preserve, put forth the effort to blend all the ingredients, and the energy to seal it properly to be successful. This is the same principle in marriage.

The first step in food preservation is to determine what product you are going to preserve and collect all the necessary ingredients and equipment. To know what is needed, the preserver usually follows a recipe that has been written by someone with experience. In marriage it is best for couples to begin with the determination or goal to remain married until one of the spouses is deceased. To make this commitment, it is best to have premarital counseling and a White Bible Ceremony to reinforce the things that make a successfully preserved marriage. When someone with prior knowledge of a successful marriage discusses with you the expectations of marriage, your marriage is more likely to be preserved. Commitment to your marriage vows is essential if a marriage is to be preserved.

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In food preservation, the process involves mixing the ingredients properly. When ingredients are not mixed properly, the product may not be preserved. In marriage there are ingredients that must be blended to make a man and woman one family unit. Family backgrounds, incomes, pervious debts, church relationships must be discussed. When problems arise, couples should pray and talk about feelings and choices. Sometimes family responsibilities become one sided because of sickness, job requirements or times of separation. Although couples ideally share 50/50, in these times, spouses may have to share 90/10. During those times, seek advice of mentors and through prayer to keep your marriage from spoiling.

People who spend energy, time and money to preserve a food product want the food to be sealed properly for the future. People who want a marriage to be preserved successfully must spend a lifetime working on it. Sometimes food products are not sealed adequately and the food makes people sick and must be thrown away. However, in marriage when things go wrong, couples are challenged to make adjustments to preserve it. With good old fashion talking with one another, recalling the love that first bought you together, doing kind acts for one another and remembering that forgiveness puts out a lot of fiery problems, couples can strive for a successfully preserved marriage. A successful marriage is one that must not be thrown away. It is one that does not waste time, energy and money in divorce. It is one that is preserved until one of the spouses passes into eternity.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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